Flying Pigs & Jumping Cows

Currently Reading

2011-01-26T20:12:00.002+08:00

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Haven't gotten far and long in it, but I'm loving it already. Excellent writing. Although I don't know if there's something from with the ebook copy I got, there are small (very small) portions of it in a foreign language. I assume it to be Russian. But it's not Russian alphabets. Any ideas?

Finished reading:
1) The Grand Design by Stephen Hawking
Excellent book for those who are questioning and will continue questioning. This is by no means a book to answer all your questions. But it will most definitely help you form better questions.

2) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Another great book. I've watch the movie and the parody (Bride and Prejudice) a million times and absolutely love them. Even after being able to memorise both movies, this book still provided really good entertainment. Will definitely recommend it.

3) The Animal Farm by George Orwell
A little late in reading it, I remember my father bought us this book when we were just children. But finally, special thanks to my big brother, I've gotten my hands on it and my brain around it. It's surprising how well he wrote of life. It really is quite amazing. I particularly liked how the crow helped form the idea of a heaven which eventually caught on because of the hardship they were facing in this life. A book depicting communism, power games and religion, in my opinion.

4) See Night Run by D.W. St.John
I have no idea this book existed until I read it, and I don't regret it at all. I downloaded it just because it was free. I guess some times good things are do come easy. The writing style isn't one I enjoy much, too descriptive. It reminded me of the way I talk. But the story is excellent and well based. A controversial plot about the drug war.

5) Peter the Rabbit by Beatrix Potter
Shut up, I know this is a children's book. But I have never read it before, and I see no problem with reading it now. My only regret? I have no children of my own to read it to.

Currently Reading

2010-12-29T14:29:00.002+08:00

One Time magazine after another. Catching up on lost time, if that is ever possible.
A magazine that is obviously pro-democrats and its news content insanely skewed to be American. Even the Asian issue that writes about South Korea is catered for the American perspective. Can we have a more international news magazine please?

Two times reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close later, I am still in love. The book is currently in Cheryl Saw's possession. I hope she doesn't spoil it -.-

Charlotte Gainsbourg

2010-12-29T14:27:00.002+08:00

Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, because it's OK to be a boy.
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, because you think that being a girl is degrading.

Friends

2010-12-22T10:49:00.001+08:00

Oh god, I miss this.

Heavy boots

2010-12-18T18:31:00.003+08:00

How do you ever tell someone you love that you love them?

Relationships are so fragile.
Feelings are so fragile.
People are so fragile.

How do you say goodbye?
We never know when the last time is the last time. At least never at times when we need to. We don't realise that we should never let her leave, knowing the last words she heard from your lips were filled with anger. We don't realise the last time we say goodbye, would be the last goodbye. To never meet again. In the hearts of our hearts, a foolish voice tells us we are the keeper of time, and we will have other nights.
Foolish.

Why do we hurt each other?
How could you. When others are searching high and low for love, some living their very last breath without having known it. How could you forsake that beauty for such evil that does not matter. We have no need for regrets, we have no need for sad tears. What we have today, will not always be today. Every second, something is changing. This universe is ever expanding. Every second, something is dying. A laughter, a baby, a memory, a moment. If we took all the hurt in this world, it would drown the Pacific Ocean.
Why do we hurt each other?

To not cherish every moment we're living. To not live each breath with the knowledge that it could be our last.
To not apologise soon enough. Forgive even faster. To not love hard enough, to ever hate another.
For letting anger have a part in our relationships. For not telling her how beautiful she looks every morning.

How have I been able to live 22 years without realising this?

There is never a blank book long enough, or time for forever. Later will always be later. Just now just passed. There is only now. And now. And now.

It's always necessary.

Excerpt #1

2010-12-18T18:16:00.002+08:00

I thought about my small victories and everything I'd seen destroyed.

I'd lost the only person I could have spent my life with.

I've experienced joy, but not nearly enough, could there be enough? The end of suffering does not justify the suffering, and so there is no end to suffering. What a mess I am, I thought. What a fool. How foolish and narrow, how pinched and pathetic, how helpless.

Currently Reading

2010-12-18T10:48:00.003+08:00

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Johnathan Safran Foer.
Two thirds of the book later, I can only scream that this book is amazing. A.MA.ZING. Definitely going to reread the book the moment I finish it.

Paused reading: The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins and The Grand Design by Stephen Hawking.
Note #1 - Maybe people with last names "-awkin" end up being great science philosopher kinds.
Note #2 - I'll definitely get back to both of these books, just got a little side tracked when a package from Amazon arrived.

Thank you so much Phui Leng. I'm in love with this book.

Currently Reading

2010-12-11T16:09:00.002+08:00

The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins.
Am I going to regret taking on such a tough read when I'm probably gonna be pressed for time in the next few days? Definitely.
Is that going to stop me? Not at all.
Wonder how many years it'd take for me to finish it anyway... Here goes nothing eh.

Finished reading: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.
I don't understand why this book is so famous. Maybe if I read it when I was a teenager myself, I'd feel differently. Or maybe if I read it when I'm much older with a different kind of maturity. Right now, the protagonist of this book just appears to be a whiny loser with psychiatric disorders.
Youth in revolt? I guess so.

Currently Reading

2010-12-09T14:59:00.001+08:00

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

Finished reading: Under the Dome by Stephen King
Amazing book from start to finish. Pedal to the metal all the way through. And sum'in sum'in to think about, eh?

Ode to Mae

2010-12-09T14:57:00.001+08:00

You Think Trying To Be The Perfect Lover Is Hard? Try Being The Perfect Ex-Lover.

I mean, c’mon, you’d have to maintain that delicate dynamic of being nice, stay a friend, see/treat this person like everybody else. But hell, this person is not everybody else and will never be. Imagine, you’d have to play nice while you knew this person inside out, at the streets, in the sheets, the beauty, the ugly, the love, the kisses, the hugs, the touch and the honeysuckle sweet whisperings, that came so close to your ears, you almost came.

So yes, if you think trying to be the perfect lover is hard, try being an ex-lover.

Hell yeah.

Currently Reading

2010-12-02T12:40:00.001+08:00

Under the Dome by Stephen King.

Stopped reading: We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver.

Currently Reading

2010-11-27T12:49:00.001+08:00

A Little Book of Language by David Crystal

Live

2010-10-09T03:14:00.003+08:00

So much night time traffic. A car comes and drops off one. Leaves, into the night. Another passes, back from the dark. There's a glitter in its windshield, the glare from another's headlights. Off,the third, under the moonlight. Here comes the fourth. My ride :) and I'm off to the cinemas.

Living the university life, most of us having originated not from JB, we find ourselves on our own two feet. Life of hostelites without the restrictions of hostel-life. We come and go as we please. We sleep and wake in whose ever room we choose. We literally eat, pray and love together in this town so far away from our families.

Who would have known that this life, would give me so much stress? Some times, it feels as if I'm floating around. A driftwood in a torrential river, being beaten and pulled along by the currents. Having to juggle school, others and self just overwhelms my being. In dealing with all of them, I am unable to handle a single one of it.

And then there are times when I just feel so grounded. When I look around me and realise if this is where I am right now, then damn I've done good. And it makes me smile from my liver and spleen.
Most often, it is never the achievements or the plans I've made. The books I've read nor the signatures I've accumulated. Most often, it is the faces around me that anchors me to live. I've been over this so many times, over and over again like nagging mother. But honestly, when can you ever stop being grateful for the friends you've had, especially with friends like mine. And if you're able to answer that with a definitive date, then my friend, you ungrateful bastard.

It's 3am and I just got back from the movies. I've been so screwed in my head these past few days. So many hours of back and forth, not knowing which way is coming or going. Those times when you think surely, this must be the end. That somehow some lightning will strike me down and end my misery soon. It's hard to describe how I felt, except with the words miserable.
Then I went to the movies with Pat, and I'm back to reality. I haven't been able to smile this genuinely, with an empty mind, for quite some time now.

We, at least I do... I like to think we are self sufficient. I know I cannot be an island. But sometimes I think hey, maybe I'm at least a peninsula. Then moments like these arrive where I'm able to just sit back, relax and be myself in the company of another. To let go of doubts and fears and accept who I am... Empty your mind in the garden, right? It feels great to be in the midst of like-minded company.
I don't want to be an island anymore. I want to be an archipelago.

:D note to self: immerse yourself.

Memory

2010-09-18T19:09:00.003+08:00

It's funny how I totally forgot I had this blog. It took me so long to remember the title of it.
In a way, I was reintroduced to my own blog when I decided to comment on my friend's? Haha. Life and its mysterious ways.

Reading about what I wrote in previous posts, I figured it's not that bad an idea to keep a blog after all. With such a horrible thing called "memory", I guess black and white are the way to go.

If anybody happens to be reading this. Just know that I'm just writing as a reminder to myself of what's going on here and now. Guess some feelings are too precious to let slip away. So if it makes you think why the hell am I even writing something as insignificant as this, then well... It was significant for me :)

Anyways, it's been a year since I've been in JB. My ego-pride tells me I shall hate this city with the very last osteocyte in my bones but honestly, it ain't that horrible after all. Our perception of our environment is heavily influenced by our emotions. And, at least for me, my emotions have been heavily influenced by friends this year. Yes, it's a strange word, isn't it. Friend. I guess one day, I'm gonna have to dictionary up what it actually means. But this year, I seem to have found it in quite a few faces. And I'm the better off for it.

I never really realised how stuck I was prior to this. In my own world. In my own thoughts. My judgmental ways. My life was like a production line, I sit and keep moving forward while 'parts' are added to me. But I'm never really shown what other things I could have been. At least until this year. Exposure is always good. It builds immunity. Reading my previous posts, and also a few other from other blogs, I couldn't help but think I've come a long way.

And in more sense than one. I do feel that I have somehow lost my spark. A glitter, perhaps. My sense of humour worn thin. The mindset I used to hold from way back when seems to have been more lively, gung-ho. Yes it was naive to think I'm invincible, but I do feel that's a better way to live than bearing the thoughts "what might have been". A lack of spontaneity allows fungus to grow on my unchallenged mind. Having observed this, I am currently attempting to salvage what's left. Some times, all the thinking and planning we make for our futures, filled with white pickets fences and insurance plans. What do all that come down to? Life hands you a lemon when you planned for a melon and that's it. There goes everything down the drain. So while it is advisable, and admirable, to have plans, I've come to understand that the inability to let go of it when our path changes just shows a lack of adaptability. Set a goal, start moving towards it and take everything on the way with a sense of poise. And always have a knife ready to cut up some lemons on a hot sunny day.

When I say let go, I don't just mean letting go of the plan. I just mean... Let go. Really. Move on. It's not that scary after all. Especially when you have friends like mine. :)

And this post is dedicated to the people who have played a major hand in my development this year, namely Patrik Ho. Who would have known a kid with half a pea brain could have brought about so much change eh? And of course there are the girls that I've been able to get to know better too, Aliya, Cath, Yvonne, Becca. Then there're the gym buddies, Dan and Johann.

I know you'll never get to read this, but it doesn't matter. I just want to remind the future me that at this moment, I'm filled with gratitude to walk in your company.

Lub-dub

2010-09-15T00:08:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder if my heart is too big for my body to contain.
When I'm lying in the still of the night.
When darkness and silence is all that I am.

I can feel my chest moving.
With every contraction of my heart, it moves.
And my whole body moves along to it.

I hear it in my ears.
I feel it in my finger tips.

My arms and neck pulsates to it.
My abdomen dances with it.
And my whole body moves, a slave under it.

The sound of my own heartbeat overcomes this silence.
And I am reminded that in this darkness,
I am alone.
But within myself, this heart beats.
And it gives me the strength to stand.

Why

2009-12-09T12:55:00.003+08:00

The more I read and the more I think, the more I find this life unsubstantial. And the beliefs that we hold, foolish at best.

Why do so many people believe in something as unbelievable as god? Why are people so quick to not question and not argue about the existence of something so omnipotent that it is simply impossible? Why do some people go to the extent of killing others for such an immature belief?

I find it disgusting. The image of lives lost. Dead. Gone. And to what end? So some psychotic schizophrenic and go around preaching about hatred and violence masked as some great attempt to save human beings and instill universal love?

I find it unfair that religion is pressed upon a child when he/she is first born. Isn't it a bit ridiculous that you get to choose what job you'll take, who you'll marry, the friends you'll make, the place you'll live and work in, what hobby you want and to an extent, even what citizenship you want to hold but somehow, you are not allowed to choose the one thing that will probably govern your belief about life and death and the beyond - religion?

Why do we let something that dictates the eradication of people who are not alike - gays, transsexuals, people of other religion, people who challenge the foundations of a certain religion? Why do we let something that systematically belittle roughly half of our population into nothing more than baby carrying containers made to serve, love and dedicate themselves to the existence of her husband roam large and loud? Why do we practise the freedom of choice and human rights in so many things but not in this?

Stellar

2009-08-29T22:35:00.004+08:00

The sky is so clear tonight, the stars shine brightly on.
The moon smiles, incomplete in its form but never shy.

The thing is, the stars and the moon has always been there. We've just been too clouded to see its beauty. Only ever once in a while do we bother looking up on a clear day to find our sights blessed by this scene.

Life is alright, after all.

I guess maybe that's why people who meditate are happier. They see pass the curtains of our daily living and see the point in life. Remember to breathe. Remember we exist for ourselves. Remember that the answer is within us.

Maybe people didn't get it when Dr. Arul tried to show this to us during his little prep talk after revision class. I guess what he meant was that the stars were there when he was our age and they're still there right here, right now.

See, only problem is, our hearts and mind aren't. We're not the same kids who grew up back then and we will never be. It's ridiculous to expect us to toil away under the sun just as they did and not know what a computer means just like they did. At the same time, I guess both our generation and theirs ask the same question.
Are the benefits we get really worth the sacrifices we make?

Sure, retrieving and staying connected is now easier. Getting from one place from another is a mere "sit" away. The only thing standing between you and that Gucci handbag is that plastic card.

But look at the other side of the coin too, my child.

Identity theft looms big and bright. And if you don't get it stolen, you get it confused.
Who am I. What am I. Where am I.
Do I define my looks by what the uber-skinny / shaven muscular models look like? Am I only pretty when I conform to their standards?
Am I nothing more than the plastic skin I wear? Do you really see me as just that?

In our achievement of reducing time spend travelling by making things go faster, we pass by the sceneries and the trees on the side of the highways faster too. But then again, faced with the trichromatic, monotonous side views that our highways provide, why would we want to slow down anyway?
What happened to the roses my friend. We trampled them to death when we made highways and bypassed the small towns filled with life and vibrancy and replaced them with time. Time we will not spend enjoying life anyway because now that you're at your destination faster, you need to get moving again.

I think many people think me shallow when I say I can't stand guys who dress a certain way or look a certain way. But then I guess I fall prey to the notion that females are meant to be objectified and made to look pretty.
Ironic, seeing as I consider myself a strong advocate of feminism.

The thing is, I held my view that despite the countless hours and monies the female gender spend trying to please their little hearts by dolling themselves up, I could always count on the men to skip the unnecessaries and stick to the raw deal. Be gone old fools.
Live our lives chasing after not powder nor cloth, but finding the true beauty in a meaningful conversation, a good adventure, a great life lived.

One day, you will grow old, the skin on your face shall wrinkle and you will find hair growing where it should not and find muscle disappearing from where they should be. And when that day comes, tell me friend, does it really matter?

Will you find joy in looking at a photograph and think "Man, I look good."
Or will you find integrity in the picture of you standing high on a mountain that you just conquered on foot, or looking at the deeds you have done in your life.

So when I say I have a problem with guys who dress a certain way, I don't mean I disagree with how they supposedly push the boundaries of fashion but in pure truth are just following the path of those before them. When I say I can't take it, I mean I can't take them all. Maybe this is my folly for not seeing your point of view. And in a certain way, I do get annoyed even when I'm made to wait for a girl make up and get ready when I could spend the time not waiting... So the same goes for both sexes I guess.

The answers to your questions can be found in this world without the need to include the supernatural.
The truth to this life can be found in each others hearts.
The meaning behind our existence lies not outside, but inside.

Stop running away from life. Stop chasing after life.
Start living your life.

I don't know much

2009-06-15T08:25:00.003+08:00

What I'm about to say probably won't go down well with people. And for that I'm grateful that mine is a heck of an unpopular blog. I feel like I've been having so much to say but for fear of reproach of the frowns of others I have kept it all in me. Don't judge me for the thoughts that run cuckoo in my head, for the mind is like wild horses that once set loose will not be tamed.

What I have to say is about religion, creation, evolution, and chance.

So if you are one who is sensitive about these issues then for the sake of not despising me, and for the sake of remaining friends, I urge you to stop reading. My mother has always said, religion should be the last thing friends talk about. And I've always believed that religion should be a private affair that should not dictate any part of our lives other than the "religion" compartment. And it is a shame that in most parts of the world, religion is a major driving force for politics. And if you're wondering if I believe this then why am I writing this here? Well, it is MY blog. And like I said, it IS unpopular.

First of all, let's start with what fueled these thoughts in me.

I read a book that said "Science will answer the when and where of life's existence, but only god can answer the why."

Which got me thinking. Why are we here? I did put much thought into this. But then I realised, I'm thankful that science cannot and will never answer this question (hopefully) because the truth is, if science answered it it would be a homogeneous answer. And I refuse to accept that we all exist for the purpose of one. I believe in freedom, and I think it is right for every one of us to pursue our own dreams and set our own goals. Also, for there to be an answer to that question, it suggests an intelligence behind it. Like the tree grows in the direction of the sunlight to receive the optimum amount of it. But, to say there's an answer to the "why" of our existence would mean we were "created", or so to speak.

Now let's delve a little further into the subject of "creation" or as the more versed atheist / evolutionists will call it, "intelligent design". As I have pointed out just now, notice that the word "intelligent" is there to differentiate it against the puny "design". For those of you wondering what the differences are, Darwin believed in design. The first time I heard this I was shocked. The guy who theorised the basis of evolution believes in design? However, after explanation from my dad, I understood what it meant. What he meant was that who we are today is not by chance. Why are there no mono-eyed quadri-handed humans today? I mean at least in the normal population. Because it does not tie in with survival. It disadvantages and at the same time holds no extra advantage that will promote our survival. So it does not happen. And who or what decides that such a creature shall not exist? The designer. And who is this designer? The oh-so-notorious genes. In a way, it makes sense. The selfish gene, remember? It excludes the unwanted and retains the needed. Evolution did not happen by chance. Mutation, the differentiation of one gene sequence to another, THAT happened by chance. But the retention of this mutation which lead to evolution happened by selection. Selection pressure and natural selection, I'm sure we've all learned this in college.

But this explanation begets another question, where did the innocent gene come from? What marks the beginning of DNA?

The easy answer to this would be "intelligent design". An intelligent omnipotent being created the DNA that lead on to life form. However let me state that omnipotence is highly improbable because for arguments' sake, an omnipotent being would be able to create a shield that cannot be pierced, and create a spear that can pierce ANYTHING in the world. So when 2 such things collide, what happens? What happens is that two such things do not exist because omnipotence is a farce. Let's divulge from this topic and consider the two most popular religions on earth - Christianity and Islam. However, living in this country, I will not comment on the latter to safeguard myself and because, in a way, they are brothers in arm so let us just discuss the former. It says god, also known as the intelligent designer in this text, created men in his image and made women from the rib of the men. And let's not forget that the creation of earth and the sun and everything else happened in 7 days. Honestly, if he designed the DNA and let it evolve into a human, then first off he must be lazy for just starting off with the DNA and sitting back to relax. Second, how is creating a DNA in the "image of himself", and what makes you think that MEN evolved first before women. On second thought, maybe this intelligent designer is a DNA, so creating DNA would be in line with both theories. But it said the intelligent designer created men and not DNA. Hmmm, this subject requires further thinking. But let us just be clear that whatever plausible evolution and big bang that happened did not happen in 7 days.

Let's go back to the topic of DNA. Now one must ask, where does the DNA come from. But let's go further back and ask, where does "life" come from? The so-called abiogenesis.

The thing here is, for life as we know it to exist, the first component that must happen is the cell membrane. As we all know, the only "living" organisms without either are viruses but then again, can we even consider them as alive?

So cell membranes... For a wall to encircle something, first there must be something to be encircled, right? So now we have protoplasm. Now one would ask, where does this protoplasm come from? When did the interactions and connections between the organic and inorganic materials start? And where exactly did this "first-formed" entity come from?

Some theorise that this came from meteorites. And may I stress that it is a theory? So there was a big bang and there were solid masses that existed. Then there were "embolus" of these masses and meteorites happened. And we go back to DNA. DNA are nucleic acids that direct the formation of proteins which are amino acids, right? So well, amino acids are mere chemicals that can form or degrade without the need for "life". In chemistry one does not often consider life. However, life is impossible without chemistry. So another question would be, where does the amino acid come from? So this is where meteorites come in. Apparently it carried matters upon it and it arrived and if you ask me further I do not know what to say any more because honestly, I'm not ready to gain a thesis in this field. However, what I can tell you, and hopefully you'll take this message and continue thinking and maybe against all odds one day I'll be able to say "that person who theorised such and such was my classmate". Anyway, what I can tell you is that stromatolites are currently considered to be the earliest forms of living organisms on earth, existing since 3.5 billion years ago. It is said that first, anaerobic bacteria formed, and it cleaved whatever it reacted with and oxygen was formed. And then aerobes appeared. This does tie in well with the theory that photosynthesis existed since 2.4billion years ago, and that stromatolites can photosynthesise. The one bizarre thing we must keep in mind when considering all this is that before the start of life, EVERYTHING was sterile. So whatever happened, happened in a land of sterility with no microbes and so on. By 2.4 billion years ago there were stable isotopes of carbon, iron and so on, making widespread life on earth possible. Not quite 10,000 years ago, I understand, but more science based at least.

Another theory is that "life" came on the meteorites, and not just mere amino acids or chemicals. And by this I don't mean aliens. I know this is starting to sound like scientology but I guess there's a reason that line of thought is gaining popularity... Life arrived on earth and it reacted with the earth and yada yada yada. But so where did this life come from? Haha. Maybe that's why intelligent design attracts people. It requires so little thinking. It is as if everything has already been written for us and all we have to do is read and accept and have faith.

I just relised I've gone a long way to not answer anything at all. But I think this is my way of mourning the fact that our schools and our government is too ignorant to teach and advocate such scientific lines of thought. I guess this is where the "religion should stay religious only" line of thinking comes in. I mean even if we're considering intelligent design, one should always question where the intelligence came from. The truth is I am open to the possibility of this designer, however I need the proof for this. And no I do not consider the "because it cannot be disproved hence it must be true" theory a legitimate one. Just because you cannot disprove that I am the amazing manisfestation of god that appeared in my mother's womb to spread the message of love does not mean that it is true. I am open to the subject of belief, however faith is not my field. And as we all know, faith is blind. And when a blind man leads the blind, the case of the blinds feeling up an elephant ensues.

So people, go forth now and think about life. Buddha once said that the origin of life is too far gone to be seen by men. And in a way it is true. 3.5 billion years is a heck of a long time. Even if we were able to create life from the sterile labs, it does not mean that that's how it happened, it merely means that such a method of creation is possible. However, that does not mean that we cannot theorise.

Ponder Upon The Pond

2009-05-31T14:07:00.003+08:00

A lot of bands led by singers who say the same things and say a lot of things and say pretty much nothing at all. It was sad to watch them miss the chance. The opportunity. Miss the moment to say real things, to invite people to think or feel or ask a question or believe.

Maybe this applies to all of us.
It has been said that all the world's a stage. We all have an audience. We all have some kind of influence. We all have a story and a voice. Our lives are our songs. Our hearts are our songs. It's OK to ask real questions. It's OK to say real things.

Let's make things that matter and move.
Let's chase after those things as well.

If Only....

2009-04-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Sir

2009-04-19T03:15:00.003+08:00

According to Sivalal.. I need me some chiropracting!
This is seriously gonna be the easiest slide for me to remember....

Just for record's sake. This is the fourth night in a row I'm sleeping this late. OMG I have no lifeeee! *gasp*

Change Your Mind

2009-04-04T22:05:00.002+08:00

It has been AGES since I last blogged here.
Yes, that does mean I've been blogging elsewhere. Muahahahaha.
Anyways, what spurred today's sudden post you might ask?
Well let me tell you. Yup yup, that's what I'll do.
Tell you!
First and foremost, let me start by saying this.
Yap Lee Shan! You tricked me!!! You said you were coming this weekend! You useless bugger!
And now the main reason for blogging.
I got bored studying.
I'm kidding.
OK I wasn't. But that sounds bad.
Today my aunt from Burma reached Malaysia :)
I didn't talk about her last visit but basically she was diagnosed with breast cancer (BRCA for you meddies) near the end of last year and decided to do her mastectomy in Burma and the idiotic anaesthesiologist nearly killed her / gave her brain damage with this moronic skills. After that, my mom convinced her to take her subsequent treatment in M'sia from my dad.
When she arrived for her first course of treatment she was so frail and slow.
"Slow?" you would think.
Well, she's normally one of those hyperfast walking if something crops up now she would have done it yesterday kinda lady so seeing her walking slower than me... It was a total shock. I didn't know what to do how to react how to treat her. Through her first stay her mood got better but she was still so patient-ish.
But now, on her second visit. The moment she got out of the arrival hall she was all chirpy and stuff. She was complaining non-stop about how the custom lady was "inconveniencing" her (you know lah old aunties), about how she's glad to be finally "let free" yada yada. Then she immediately opened her luggages and start giving me and my brother all the food she brought for us and kept giving my mom the "I don't care what you say I'm still gonna give them all this food" glances (to my delight lah).
And later on the way to the car she started trying to justify why her luggage was so heavy going like "You people living in M'sia don't have so many of this and that food, how do you expect me to not bring them for you. I know you said you want 1kg only but aiya bring 1kg and 5kg whats the difference never mind lah come come just put it in put it in."
Haha.
The main point here is.
She's doing better.
And I'm so glad.... :D

Humerus

2009-02-22T22:03:00.002+08:00

If people say you're crazy, be patient.
If they say you're a monkey, relax.
If they say you're stupid, be cool.
But if they say "Wow, you're cute!".....
Slap them! They're lying!

Gentlemen Prefers Blondes

2009-02-07T22:50:00.001+08:00

A man being rich is like a lady being pretty. You won't marry her for it but it sure doesn't hurt that she is, does it?

I Never Promised You A Ray of Light

2009-02-04T17:12:00.002+08:00

My birthday is near. In case none of you realised... It's like... I don't really know what day today is. I know it's Wednesday lah cause it's basketball day but I meant I don't know the date so I can't really calculate how far my birthday is from now.
Hmm... Can't decide what I want from my parents for it. Maybe some peace of mind would be good. Truth is I don't have anything I want. Well, nothing that money can buy me anyway.
In case any of you are miracle workers, here's what I want.
I want good knees so I can continue playing basketball for the rest of my life.
I want my wrist injury to heal. NOW.
I want my back to stop acting up and affecting me playing basketball.
There're all related to basketball ain't it.... Actually there is something I want that money can buy. I want a basketball. A really good one that has a good and light feel to it. But that's something I'm not going to ask anybody to buy for me. Don't trust my parents to know what a good feel to a ball means.
Another thing I would like is to be playing in a basketball tourney. Gosh I miss being in competitions..
School's gonna start in less than a month. After 2 months of can't wait to get back to all my friends, I'm wishing it doesn't come too fast now.
Life.
Sucks.

Crappy

2008-12-02T20:07:00.003+08:00

I have a basketball tourney coming up. I'm actually extremely excited about it and all but after today's practice, I feel down in the dumps :(
My team's performance was beyond any doubt the worse in any team I've ever played in before. We didn't have the stamina to play half a game, much less a full 40 minutes. Worse part it, this was only playing against ourselves and I know how much better a few of the other teams are.

And I was totally out of it today. My aim was off. My underbaskets were unstable. I can't be the centre they want me to be.

The first match is on Saturday evening and we don't even have a working play yet. The first match is against possibly the strongest team in the tourney.
Will this be the obliteration of my team?

:(

Lemons Are Yellow

2008-11-30T22:59:00.003+08:00

This is like the longest standing blog I've ever had... I go through my previous posts and I go "Huh? When did I write that?"
Well, I actually have nothing to write about right now. Guess cause that day Zoe said something bout me updating my blog after dunno how long with two sentences so here I am.
It's way past 2 sentences now :D Yay Me!
I dunno what to write about...
Hei, you know how some times you look at someone and wonder "Hmmm, do I know that person?"
That happens to me a lot.
Like a loooooooot.
Mostly when that person is smiling at me or waving or something.
Worse still if that person suddenly comes up to you at the Taman Connaught pasar malam and goes "Hei Niyi! Remember me?!"
You would think that in such a crowd you could easily blend in and not be put in a situation like that.
And in my defence, I think it is very normal to reply 'yes' to that question without thinking!
I mean it's common courtesy, hello?!
And of course when that person asks "OK, so what's my name?" then you're screwed.
Like, who the hell asks that question?
If someone say "Yes I know you." then just take it as yes she knows you!
I mean like what is in a name, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet right?
By the way, first lesson of this post. When someone tests whether you remember her name or not, randomly firing a few names that pops into your head is not a very smart choice.
Neither is telling her "Fine I don't remember your name." after a few failed attempts.
Somebody should seriously write a book about what to do when you're caught in a stupid situation like that.
OK, for your future convenience, I shall give a few pointers.
One, take control of the conversation! See, if you keep talking and firing the questions, she'd have no time to grill you. And when you're finally at a lost of distractions, say "Oh my friends are waiting so I better go now. Bye~" You may even add 'take care' at the end to make it sound as if you care. Cause honestly, I do care. Even if I don't remember your name or how I know you.
And yes I assumed you're there with a friend cause if you were walking about the mall or pasar malam all alone then well, maybe you should sit at home instead...
Two.
OK.
I have no two.
I just thought it'd be cool if I kinda make like a point form presentation. Makes me feel like I'm giving useful information to my lil' minions.
Bow to me!!!!

Late Is The New In Thing

2008-11-26T00:18:00.002+08:00

SLURRIE!!!!!
I sooooo did not forget your birthday OK?
But I've been kinda busy these days so haven't been able to come online.
And unlike Farhan n MS some idiot didn't give me her handphone number so I couldn't text you.
Again, I sooooooo did not forget OKIE??????

Anyways....

Happy Birthday Hammie :D

You

2008-11-19T12:35:00.002+08:00

I'm sick of waiting.
Stupid imaginations take hold of me.

I won't live to see another day I swear it's true.

2008-10-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Now I know.
Now I'm sure.
This exam will kill me!!!

:(

Pinch of Salt

2008-10-22T15:36:00.003+08:00

I've recently (as in this morning) developed a new analogy to describe life.

I think I should also use this time to inform you insignificant non-existent readers of this half dead blog that you should all marvel at the speed by which I am able to come up with philosophies of life. It took me all but 3 minutes to come up and complete the said analogy.
Yes Hammie, I'm a genius!
Anyways, returning to the awesome (cause it came from me) analogy.
I think life is like a blind roller coaster ride in a amusement park.
I don't know who would create a blind ride lah but basically it means you can't see the tracks before you get on it.
So, here goes.
Like all things in life (which is ironic cause I'm using this to describe life and yet life is used to explain this), there are all sorts of roller coaster. You have those ugly boring ones such as the one in Genting.
Yes I'm cheap and I got this considerably pretty looking picture of the Cockscrew* of someone else's blog..
And then there are the cool ass ones like Millenium Force from Cedar Point.
The other more important similarities between a roller coaster ride and life is:
1) The better the ride, the longer you'll have to wait in line.
2) You'll never have to ride it alone cause more often than not, there will always be someone sitting beside you.
But sometimes, you get so scared of what lies ahead that you can't feel that person holding on to you tightly...
3) There'll definitely be ups and downs and in most cases some turn-arounds. Then there are the boring parts where you get started but if you think further ahead you know there'll be a thrill waiting at the bend.
4) Through all these ups and downs, the person sitting beside you will still be sitting beside you.
5) Since it's a NiYi's hypothetical blind roller coaster, you can never tell how long it'll last of what lies ahead.
6) When it finally does end, you can always get back in line or go find another ride.
7) Whichever ride you choose to take next, it's for you and the other guy / girl to decide whether you'll ride it together again or not.
People say when you're younger, it's so much easier to fall in love.
And I think this is true... Because when you're younger, you have more time to go to all the amusement parks in the world to try out each ride, and your heart is better built to handle the excitement and horror that the journey will bring.

So my point here is, to the person I developed this analogy for, you've got the realise that the most important point in this journey is to never stop getting in line for the next ride.
It's OK to take a step back and have a lil' breather now and again but you know you've got to get back on it once you're ready to.

Here's another thing to remember.
99.9999% of the time, the roller coaster has enough safety measures to ensure that you'll come out of the ride safe and sound.

*The ride looks kinda OK-ish and pretty in this picture but truth is, it SUCKS ass through a freaking straw!

Ways To Procrastinate

2008-10-19T13:32:00.002+08:00

I have exams in17 days. Yes, exactly 17 days. What have I been doing this morning?
Well, I woke up at 8.30am, thought "WTH THIS IS A SUNDAY!" and rolled around on my bed. But of course, hostel life having reduced me to a single bed, the obstacles in my way proved high and many. Since I'm such a genius, after a couple of position changes and skilled maneuvers , I was able to get a few good rolls.
Then by 9 I thought "Shucks, time to study.. :("
Oh but wait! I haven't went to the gym in a whole week! Health is definitely way more important than an exam that would prove insignificant were I to die of some pulmonary embolysm as a result of my highly sedentary life, right?
So I skipped and hopped away to gym to restore myself to at least half my former glory (in physical prowess).
Gym went on, yada yada yada. Oh my god while in the locker room I accidentally walked into a corridor where this lady was changing so she was like stark naked!
In case any guy out there is thinking "PICTURES!!!", let me reassure you that I did right by not taking any photographic evidence.
She looked like she could kill an elephant by sitting on it.
Mean! I know....
After gym there I was again thinking "Fine, study then."
Hei! I haven't had fruits in a long time! :) off grocery shopping~ Skippaty skippaty skip.
After dilly dallying everywhere picking up nonsensical snakcs and etc, I finally resigned myself to going home and packing to go to school.
On my way to school, I realised it would be so much easier if I just went to the food court now and packed my lunch instead of making a separate trip later... So again. Skippaty skippaty skip to Medan to buy me some food.
Fine, 4 hours after I wake up, I'm finally at school to study.
But then, there's so little people in uni today that the internet connection must be pretty fast. Why waste such a good opportunity eh? I should go youTube all the things I want and surf around a bit. It's a Sunday anyway :)
So here I am. 2pm with 17 days till exams and nothing to show for it.
Slur, aren't you proud of me?

In case you're gonna say no. I've got news for you sista!
I went for a pedi/manicure on Friday XD
My hands look like some male hand with pink nailpolish on. Tranny!

Sorry You Had To Hurt Your Hand With My Face

2008-09-28T21:24:00.002+08:00

Don't go looking anymore.
Let's not waste anymore time dreaming;
cause dreams only last a night.
Tell me,
I'll make your dreams come alive.

I'm mixed up In My head

2008-09-22T19:58:00.004+08:00

You feel invincible.
You feel on top of the world.
You think "This is the life."
Suddenly, you're falling..

I'm getting used to smiling everyday.
I'm getting used to laughing everyday.
I'm getting used to being genuinely happy.

Being too happy makes me scared.
The higher I climb, the harder I'll fall.
I think I've lost perspective of my life.
I'm letting the days and nights get to me.
I need to wake up... before this dream turns into a nightmare.

I don't want to be this happy...
I know it sounds selfish.
But I really don't.
I know what awaits at the end of this tunnel.

Ran Do M Ness

2008-08-21T22:58:00.001+08:00

Found this from a friend's Facebook page. Can't help but wanna share it with people...

All I want is that one person, who will care beyond what's expected. Who will try to be the number one person in my life, and won't give up if it takes time. I want someone who will love me for me, who will notice me even when the rest of the world doesn't. That one person, who even if they don't quite agree with what I do will still be there no matter what decision I make.

I want to be loved...

Hold Your Own

2008-08-20T23:11:00.002+08:00

What I want will eventually kill me from inside...

Help ain't on the way is it?

Know your name, go your own way.

I wish I could send me back... I'm sure I'm still under warranty.

Batik

2008-08-20T23:09:00.001+08:00

The last person to be left alone with my thoughts is me...

The idea that you could break me so easily scares me.

What Separates Me From You

2008-07-23T22:22:00.002+08:00

I thought religion is about loving thy neighbours and understanding and good values in general. I don't get it when people allow this to come between each other....
Why should you care if people are of different beliefs as long as they (as people i.e. fathers sons daughters friends) are good inside?
We might look, talk and think different but ultimately, all of us have 22 pairs of autosomal chromosomes with 2 sex chromosomes... that is unless you're born with a disease or something. Even so we're taught to not discriminate against the less-fortunate. So why see each other as different when we're not? Why let minuscule issues such as differing opinions that will bring no harm to each other become an obstacle in a relationship (of any kind)?

People have corrupted too many things in life already. Don't let something that was intended to show love become a breeding ground for hate.
If you really do believe in religion and god and everything else you choose to believe in, then believe that others have the right to view the same issue from different angles, that you can't always be right and that diversity is supposed to allow organisms to increase their chances of survival against epidemics and bottleneck situations.

You Give It All But I Want More

2008-07-19T13:18:00.003+08:00

Do good days come less often, so that when it does come, it seems more precious?

On a bed of nails you make me wait, and I'm waiting for you, with or without you..

Weirdness!

2008-07-04T08:32:00.003+08:00

I just had this weird Alice in Wonderland sort of nightmare thing. And funniest of all, I remember all of it!

It started out with Cheryl and I out together which in itself is strange because we don't go out together alone now do we? You know I mean like we normally go out with Sam etc.
OK so we were out at some place that strangely enough looked very much like Pacific Mall which is some crappy little mall here in Butterworth. While we were there this high school friend of mine came up to us and I didn't realise the strangeness of this until I woke up - Cheryl started talking to her like old friends but I forgot her name her age her everything. So yeah the friend conveniently reminds us that we have an exam right there and then and somehow Cheryl won't stop talking to her even though we were like crazy late already.
So, I ditched Cheryl to run to school but then halfway through I didn't want to leave her alone so I stopped to wait for her then this basketball team mate of mine showed up and gave me the biggest "I know your secret" grin. Which is weird cause even I don't know I had a secret. After that grin and she passed me by Cheryl showed up and she didn't want to talk to me because I ditched her like that.

We rushed to school together and when we reached there there was this strange like um... You know the police academy system in Japan? You have to like finish your basic education then you can join the academy then you get to move up the steps and ranking type of thing. So the school had these steep stairs that symbolised that system and every time there's an exam there'll be a ledge to climb. There I was running up the steps and pulling with my whole body not to fall when all of a sudden my body starts aching and I remembered that (in real life) I've been doing a lot of push ups out of boredom and my arms are failing me. This is the point where I thought "Hei, I don't remember seeing these steps before. Why didn't I just use the normal easy route I always used?"
But by then I was too high to go down so I had to fight on all while Cheryl was climbing normal small little steps beside me. Don't ask why I didn't just go join her.
So then we arrive at school and the paper has already started so Cheryl goes into her room and I go into mine. But then, my room didn't have an invigilator! And I was the first seat of the row and Laveena was sitting behind me! All this is strange because I'm always the last seat and Christine is the one near me.

So no invigilator = no exam paper. I had to rush to Cheryl's room to ask for help from the other invigilator and just as the teacher comes over, the lights in my room goes out. BUT!
But the teacher doesn't do anything and just goes "I don't have the papers, just sit down and do your own thing."
What the hell! The room was pitch black and I had no questions to answer for an exam and nobody was helping me!
This is when I sat down and Laveena kindly tells me there are extra papers under the desk so I go take 'em and get ready to rock & roll but then I find out the subject of the paper...

It's Bahasa Melayu!!!

Sad.nap

2008-07-02T23:24:00.003+08:00

Someday someone is gonna ask me why I'm doing all this for and I'll have nothing to show for it.

Absolutely nothing.

Tried To Be Chill But You're So Hot That I Melted

2008-07-02T11:21:00.002+08:00

To be nobody but yourself in a wold which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

- E. E. Cummings

I Am in Need of Music

2008-06-30T15:12:00.001+08:00

I am in need of music that would flow
Over my fretful, feeling fingertips,
Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips,
With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow.
Oh, for the healing swaying, old and low,
Of some song sung to rest the tired dead,
A song to fall like water on my head,
And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow!

There is a magic made by melody:
A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool
Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep
To the subaqueous stillness of the sea,
And floats forever in a moon-green pool,
Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep.

- Elizabeth Bishop

Someday

2008-06-29T23:46:00.002+08:00

I'm falling when I shouldn't be,
I'm crashing where I couldn't be.

Where are you, Slur?

H-WHat do you care?

2008-06-29T17:59:00.002+08:00

I don't think you can promise someone you will never let them fall.
You don't have the power to always let them hang on to you. Sooner or later people have to fall. And the fall is what makes the person who they are.

Fortunately, you can stand up with that person forever... if you wanted to. That is if that person chooses to make a stand. If they don't then what's the point, right?
Just remember that mountains are always easier to climb when you have someone to walk the steps with you.

So be there for them through it all?

We don't really know how much we're capable of until you find that one person you're willing to lose it all for. At least that's how I feel.
Look deep down and you can find the strength to be the one.

Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

2008-06-18T21:46:00.002+08:00

I'm not supposed to be here.
Someone told me I can't blog till the exams are over. I don't know why I'm listening. By then I won't have time to blog anymore. That's kinda stupid don't you think?

Anyways, less than 2 days to go.

Fight, babes. Fight.

Think

2008-06-12T11:36:00.002+08:00

The rest of your life is a long time and whether you know it or not it's being shaped right now. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices or you can fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is but for the most part you get what you give. Let me ask you all a question. What's worse, not getting everything you wished for or getting it but finding out it's not enough?
The rest of your life is being shaped right now with the dreams you chase, the choices you make and the person you decide to be.
The rest of your life is a long time and the rest of your life starts right now.

-Haley James-Scott, One Tree Hill

Who I was wasn't me.

2008-06-12T10:38:00.003+08:00

Damn... I forgot what I wanted to write... Again. Again, as in I thought of what I wanted to write yesterday morning, forgot it by evening, remembered it again when I woke up today. And now I lost it again. Something to do with waking up, perhaps?
I've been thinking (Again, I know) lately and I kinda like reflected upon my life (Waaa, reflection eh! Cool right?). What I've gathered is that just like life is filled with sad times and happy times, it's also filled with good and bad people.
Some where out there some bimbo is going "Oh my god, it took her THINKING and REFLECTING to realise this? What is she, an idiot?"
Just so you know, I did know this like we know that time shall move and the sun shall rise. But have you ever actually thought about it? About why time moves and doesn't stop and what exactly is time but the mechanical movement of a needle on a face that has numbers inscribed upon it?

You know there are good people out there because there are a few (very very few) who put themselves in harm's way in a selfless act of compassion. And you know there are (a whole lot) of bad people out there because there's that woman who killed her pregnant friend with a table leg and dug out the fetus and bla bla bla.
Yeah of course we do, we read them in the papers all the time! OK, I don't read but I'm guessing some people might.
How much of these stories apply to you? I for one will admit that I've never crossed paths with a serial killer before. These are just stories out there that will probably never touch your life. So how do you know that in YOUR life, there are good and bad people too? That, my friend, is where reflection comes in.

Thinking about it, forgotten names and blurred faces pass through my head. There are those people that brought sunshine to my nights, people who brought dark clouds into my days and the people who didn't have any effect on my personal solar system at all. I'm sorry to say but the last kind was my least favourite.
Don't you think you owe it to yourself to try to influence (in a positive or negative way, depending on your own liking) the world you live in?
OK, maybe not all of you are as driven in such a sense as I am but I just feel like you only have this one life. Once it's gone it's gone. So how would you like to be remembered? Worse yet, what if nobody remembers you at all? So start leaving you footprints people. Even if it be just in the sand.

In my past, there had been people who helped me grow, mature and yet still stay in touch with the part of me that still wants to climb trees and play in the rain. I hope I don't end up being the kind of person who grew up but forgot why she grew up for.
Right now, I'm sure, I want to live because I want to be able to do the things I want to do better.
What are they? Well, when I've gotten hold of them I'll remember to inform you.
When I say 'you', I don't actually know who I'm talking to. But then a lot of the time I talk to myself so I guess for me it's not so weird. An alter-ego perhaps?
I don't really remember where I was going with this.... Damn.

Oh yeah, clouds and sunshine. Well, I used to regret the wrongs I did or the dark moments I had and sometimes, even the dark clouds I met. But I seem to have reached a point of thought where I realise that giving up even a little bit of what you did would change who and where you are today by a thousand miles.
Take, for instance, the girl who nearly went to Russia and whom I would have never met if not for last-minute changes and sudden impulses.
A little bit goes a long way. I'm sure this is like a slogan for some company or something...
There's a song line by some crappy boy / girl band back in the old days (as in when I was younger) that went something like "don't give up any one of your dreams, because you never know which one you let go would have made you complete". I'm pretty sure it was Westlife.

This probably applies to your life too. Don't let go any part of your past because you never know what kind of impact a nanometer of change could have on the present. Unless you're currently in a place you don't like right now. In which case my advice would be stop regretting and start moving forward.
What I'm really trying to say is that I don't know what I did wrong or right or what I didn't do in my past that got me here, but it's safe to say that I love where I am now and I wouldn't give it back for the world.

I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind.

And the forest will give us the answers

2008-06-09T15:47:00.003+08:00

I know I should be studying. I know I shouldn't be here. I know I shouldn't have watched 'No Country For Old Men' just now. I know a lot of things.
Unfortunately, I don't know anything about anatomy. Or immunity. Or antibiotics.
Turns out, I don't know a lot of things too.
I've managed to not finish a week of lectures in a week.
However, I've managed to finish 3 levels of Resistance, 3 movies, and catch up on The Ellen Show. A lot of accomplishments, none of them useful.
I know, I know. So go do some useful ones.
Easier said than done, eh?
Have a lot on my mind. Read me write this line too many times before?
But what is life but a cycle that repeats itself.
It ain't a mountain. It's a wheel. Ups and downs, rolls you all around. Mainly, everything just repeats itself. Might be in a different place, different time. But it's still spinning the same way it did way back when and where.
I forgot who, either Mark Twain or J.F. Kennedy, maybe not even them. Some old timer anyway. He said "three can keep a secret, if two were dead".
The question is, which two?

Dreams for Plans

2008-06-09T10:24:00.003+08:00

I don't have anything to blog about!
Well I mean no pics. I have a lot on my mind actually.
First is the road trip we've been trying to plan but up till now seems a little messed up.
OK so here's what I've got so far.... it's gonna be like a 6-7 days trip to the east coast. We'll go to Stella's house first and crash there for a few days while she brings us around that tiny little place.
I've never been to Kuantan but I can just imagine how tiny it's going to be! I mean I met 2 very unrelated people from Kuantan this year (one of them Stella) and they know each other. And they're totally not related to each other in what-so-ever way except that they're both from Kuantan!
But I digress. Coming back...
So basically I think that tiny little itsy-bitsy place will take like 2 days and I want to go to the beach and waterfall too so Kuantan will be like 3 days. After that the package I've (actually it's Joann's) found so far for Perhentian is this 3 days 2 nights at a resort that cost like RM400. I know it's actually the correct price but I'm just hoping we can find a cheaper place or something. Hope the rest of the people don't mind paying for this (=.=")
Anyways...
So yeah, I was thinking take a bus over to Kuantan cause we can't really get a car. I don't really like buses though cause you know lah all those accidents and the time it takes and everything. Plus car = FREEDOM!
Can go crazy and show off my singing skills or something.
Oh by the way, I've decided that from now on I won't say "I'm gonna SING a song" anymore.
From now on, it's "I'm gonna READ a song".
Judging from the feedbacks I get (we all know how much Monashians love feedbacks), it sounds the same whether I sing or read or talk anyway.
I hate Stella for laughing at my absolutely superbly magnificent reading skills!
Where was I?
Oh yes, bussing there. Anyways so bus there in the morning, hopefully arrive by 3-4pm. Rest a while and get the trip started. Hmm... Actually, now that I put it this way, it doesn't seem so messed up anymore. Just need to sort the Perhentian part out and get my beach wear ready. Wooohooo~!
Oh, have you guys heard of Papaya Farm before?
It's on Perhentian and it's where the nudists go XD
Hope I can get there this time.

THANKS Mr. PAUL FOR TELLING US ABOUT PAPAYA FARM!!

But The Record Keeps Playing The Same Old Song

2008-06-05T15:03:00.006+08:00

I just found my mom's blog! Haha. No, not my biological mom. I meant the mom from my uni a.k.a. Cheryl (^.^) a.k.a. the one who was getting her ass felt by Sam in the previous post.
If only I have pics of her... Oh wait a minute, what the hell am I talking about? Of course I do! Thank god to technology and stealing pics from Facebook. Anyway, here's one:
Now you must be wondering, why is NY posting a picture of Wonder Girl as Cheryl? Well, because while going through her (very short) blog, I found a part where she was comparing herself to Wonder Girl! Of all the superheroes available, seriously, Wonder Girl! Like, Hello? If you want a female superhero even Cat Woman does a better job! But of course we all know THE ultimate is none other than Jean Grey. But we aren't here to discuss my awesome superhero taste now are we?
No no, we are here to violate Cheryl Saw's legal and ethical rights.
So yeah Wonder Girl is like Cheryl's alter ego or something. Anyway, a little about Cheryl. She is a 19 year old girl who happens to be my mother (don't ask me how she gave birth to me when she was negative one years old). She's really smart (like the 2nd highest score during our mid-sem test) which totally shocked me cause my first impression of her was bitch / bimbo. OK the bimbo part was not too true from the start cause she doesn't have big boobs. But I digress. The bitch part I got it right thought cause she really is one (in a good way). She plays the piano, drums and basketball (dunno if there are other stuffs I haven't found out yet). She used to dance ballet *rolling on the floor laughing my ass off*. Sorry to all you hot sexy ballerinas out there but you guys just crack me up. Really.
What else?
Oh, the hardest part to believe is... SHE'S NICE!
Like actually NICE!
Really, my first impression of her was so... well, let's just say it was no where near the description "nice".
She also has a very good sense of fashion and is pretty (^.^)
All this adds up to a girl I find very admirable, amusing and at the same time intimidating. I feel threatened by her cause she really is an all-rounder.
You all know how much I hate losing...
Oh, but she's really picky with her food though. And is an absent-minded klutz who loses stuffs belonging to other people like nobody's business.
And she also runs the Cheryl's School of ProNUNciation (CSP). Make sure you get it right, "proNUNciation", not "pro-nounce-ciation".
She has this thing about getting every word right or something weird like that. She is also the first friend who actually pronounced "latter" the correct way.
I love this pic! The one standing is Sam (my babe! ... who's also my lesbian mom... OK, it's a teeny weeny bit confusing) and the one hugging her is none other than the star of this post -- Cheryl! Haha, I know it's not really a good shot of her but this camwhore posts very little pictures of herself in Facebook. But still, I like it. Now her hair is um, shorter and kinda reddish.
Oh ya Slur! You see that Skinny Bitch?
Oh wait.. Haha! She's wearing her skinny bitch T! Anyway, that skinny bitch a.k.a. Sam is so freaking tall and skinny and like a frame of bones but she's only a freaking diet! We hate these kind of people don't we?!
But she's still my babe.
Anyway, moving on..
Headmistress of CSP in another stupid pose. The arm sling is very badly done by the way, the whole hand is like.... Isn't it supposed to be horizontal?? Tzuk tzuk. No wonder she looks so miserable.
This is her hair colour now but not the style though... So in one semester, she has had 3 hairstyles? Talk about impulsive. Crappy pic but just to show you guys a pic of her.
Hmm... I wonder how she pronounces the word "martyr". Gosh, I don't even know how to spell it.
Anyways, the next pic has very little to do with Cheryl and I really don't know who the other two people are but the girl on the right just looks so.... Haha, well, she makes the pic very interesting. XD

Pursuit of Life

2008-06-01T08:48:00.011+08:00

The previous two nights have been awesome for me. After such a long life-fast period (as in I have no life so I pretend I'm going on a fast to study / um... do nothing bla bla bla), finally seeing the sun..... I feel like just shouting "I'm alive!!" This is supposed to be like "Finally, I can breathe!" In case you guys don't get this random picture I stole from someone's deviantart. So anyways, the lowdown on my showdown. Gosh it rhymes! Yesterday after the last PCL a.k.a. the last day of class for sem 1, we had a PARTAYYYY (sponsored by the school, of course). And Dr. Lakshmi was so nice that she even bought our group a carrot cake! Delicious but unfortunately, I feel very fat now. Anyways, scenes from the party! My group even held like a private concert thingey. Slur, I sang! Hahahaha, I bet you're imagining the torture my audience was subjected to now. Evil! Oh lame moment: If my name is Seng, then I could say "Seng sing sang sung a song!" XD The cake! Phtsssss, let me tell you a secret. I ate 2 and a half pieces! Shhhh! Don't tell anyone OK? I'm trying to keep this a secret from my body so that they won't give me extra fat just to teach me a lesson bout indulgence. The last PCL group C photo T.T I hope my group next sem will be as awesome as this one. We had so much fun making stupid jokes AND smart ones! Of course, the smart ones were never contributed by me.... By the way, Aliya, regardless of how much I poke fun at your country, I would still rather get a Canadian than an American anytime anywhere. This is me and my gang being idiots. You guys better get the names of everyone in this pic down right. The left-most is the great me, of course. Beside me is Christine, then Yvonne, Rebecca, Catherine and Aliya. Yes, I'm the only one without an English name. You know why? Cause I'm the only non-banana! Ok, wait, Aliya is brown and Canadian so she can't be a banana but still... You get what I mean lah! Slur, can you believe that there are tons of people in my class who can't even speak Chinese up to my standard?! It's unbelievable. More pics of us~ This is supposed to be like a supermodel-kihiao pose but um.... Ended up looking more like a lousy train. Grr..... No idea what they were doing.... Is Aliya... slipping whil kicking Becca's butt? Anyways, just to give you an idea of the idiots I hang out with. Again, Aliya, is that a kick? Asians are definitely better at posing....(=.=") except Yvonne. Oh yeah, Slur, Yvonne is the fake-slur I was telling you about the last time. She's is really really slur. It's like you guys are somehow related or something. And finally *drum roll please* time for the concert!!!!!
*Damn. Can't load the vid. I'll load it later.*
This is Gavin the wannabe leader singing (in case his voice is so horrible that you guys can't make it out) Britney's Oops I Did It Again. It was hilarious. Especially the part where Sandeep (the guy at the start of the video) comes into our room just to laugh at Gavin. XD Then there's also a video of me and the rest of the people singing Hot by Avril! Haha, lucky their voice drowned my.... talented in some twisted artistic way voice out. OK, so that was just the morning of Friday. Afterwards, we went to watch Indiana Jones! It was soooooo awesome! Seriously, if you haven't watched it yet, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!??! But I can't believe that Evonne and a few of the girls fell asleep. Patrik slept too but then he does lack some testosterone so I can understand why he didn't like it. It was awesome! I'm gonna sing the Indiana Jones theme song everytime I walk into a room now :) After that, Sam and a few people went home while me, Cheryl, Stella and Hui Ruan stayed for dinner. We ate Vietnamese, went broke and then went shopping! Haha, I didn't but Stella needed some flats. Due to her um, unfortunate vertical position, she feels the need to always wear a minimum of 2-inch heels. Of course we all know how horrible heels are and how much they hurt so you can actually see what it has done to her feet. So as good friends, we decided to force her to buy her first-ever flats. Seriously, this girl has enough clothing items to drown the whole of Penang but no flats AT ALL. After changing into the comfy flats, she felt more like walking so we went for a "long kai". I learned a new Cantonese word! That means "drive around". So we just drove and drove and drove until I decided to stop polluting the earth and killing polar bears so the great Cheryl lead us to a coffee shop to just sit and talk. When I said "coffee shop" I was imagining at least like an Oldtown. She, however, brought us to... a roadside mamak.... Awesome *roll eyes* As for Saturday... Early morning, I woke up and went to play basketball. Didn't really play cause my knees were killing me. At 9, Stella and I went to school to wait for Samantha to come pick us up and go for dim sum. However, when we reached school, Sam called Cheryl to ask how far she is and guess what? Cheryl just woke up. Again... Awesome *roll eyes* So we wait and we waited and we waited. After ONE FREAKING HOUR, Cheryl finally appears but by that time, I had to go fetch my bro to the bus station. So I decided to go back but then Cheryl felt bad (cause I LOOVEEE dim sum) and said she'll follow me and after that we'll try to find the dim sum shop together. However, the catch is this: Both of us don't know where the shop is. So, after sending my bro off, we went on our first adventure of the day to find the Hong Kee Dim Sum! It was really either a very huge stroke of luck or Cheryl was hiding her navigating talents somewhere but amazingly, we got there (which was kinda far) without getting lost even once! Of course there were moments of doubt and thinking "Holly shit" but all in all, we didn't get lost!

By the way, the dim sum there was pretty good. I ate enough to feed a country.

Afterwards I went home and showered then went back to school to study.
That's us studying. Sam the pervie and Cheryl the victim!
We studied and studied until dinner time when we thought "OK, dinner then back to study". Again, Sam took us to some weird place that no one knew about and we had dinner. Unfortunately, by that time my gastric was back again so I felt like puking all the way through and couldn't eat. But that's not the case here. After eating, we were supposed to go back and study but I duno how that translated to going long kai again. So there we were, out on the streets again two nights in a row. This time, we put on some music and sang (mostly me entertaining them with my amazingly monotonous voice) till my lungs wanted to burst. Seriously, Stella couldn't help admiring how horrible my voice is. None of them could do what I was doing because all of them have some music background but they were all amused and in awe of my abilities. The worst part of all this admiration is, I was really really trying to sing properly....

HappYness Is Not That Bad

2008-05-30T00:24:00.021+08:00

I've finished my PCL and Case Commentary!! You have no idea how happy that tought makes me =D and also the fact that next week is the start of my holidays (and study week for exams .. T.T) Oh, and I finished the card we were making for Dr. Lakshmi.

AND another fact that tomorrow I only have a two hour class!
Gosh, this is the day that things go right. Happyness!
Please stop bugging me to update my blog ok? I have no life to blog about!
So here goes, I like being chronological but we all know how messed up I am inside. So shhhh! OK? Don't tell anyone. By the way, SLUR I MISS YOU!!!!
JC doing the.... in her very own words, "thingy-majingy". Seriously, she can be presenting in a very serious thing and suddenly just go "Oh wait, what's that thingy-majingy?" Thanks for always letting me eat your sandwich :)
Usher pretending to contribute. I know your name ain't spelt that way lah but who cares?
Some classmates out on a trip that I didn't get to follow! T.T why?? Because I was having a no-life day.
GOTH DOCS!! Awesome!! This is my PCL group. It's out last PCL together tomorrow (aka today), so sad :(
Waiting for Cheryl to come! We were celebrating her birthday on the skybridge.
Three scary babes. The two on the right are scary.... even without all the make up. Seriously, don't let their smiley faces fool you. Especially JC, she's...... indescribable.
I'm normal!
Group goth on skybridge using Cheryl's birthday as a reason to cam-whore. I can't believe I'm becoming one of THEM too..
Turtle goth?? (=.=")
IDIOT DOCS!
We seriously weren't doing anything but decided to pretend to look smart but then look at Adnan! We all look down he stare straight into the cam pulak!
That's why we ended up taking this....
Aww~ So sweet! Haha. FYI, they ain't a couple. I'm rooting for Adnan and Jessrin. Lucky they don't read this blog (^.^)V
Erm..... I would like to go "aww~ so sweet!" again but.... Um....
Silence is golden!
By the way, that's Terence on the left and Ron on the right.
Becky being vain =] but she still looks so cute so it's OK.
Adnan getting what he deserves! But he's seriously cool man. Before coming to study here he worked in the ambulance service for his NS (he's from S'pore). He saw so many seriously cool cases! *shrieks* like people hanging themselves to death and one lady fell from dunno how many stories then her face smashed into a pole or something and got cut in half. Literally! And the brain fell out. OMG!
Bimbo blog, here I come! *grins* again, SLUR I MISS YOU!

And he created man in his image?

2008-05-21T23:28:00.002+08:00

You know some times you have this image of a person and you're so comfortable and completely confident of that image you hold, thinking that "That's it. That's who he/she is."
Then something is revealed and all you're left with is fragments of a picture you once held.
I know learning good things about someone, especially a friend, is always a good thing and I won't ever regret getting to know them better but I'm just saying this because after 20 years of life, I've finally noticed it.
I don't really know what I'm talking about here. Guess I just had a really depressed-night. As in a night filled with depression (not necessarily mine and not necessarily generated by one person only). I actually like depression. I feel guilty when I'm happy, there's just something in me that tells me I don't have the right to be. Weird, eh?
Anyway, about the revelation. Well, like I said, I'm all for social bonding and after what was said, I don't find myself feeling differently about the speaker. I just viewed that person in a different light which I would really like to stress is not a bad thing. Honestly, it's not. I'm actually happy it happened (not for my sick depression-phile reason) but because knowledge can only make you wiser, right?
Everybody has their own weaknesses and their dark moments, but I believe it is our duty as habitants of this planet to live through it. I don't believe in god (I actually have the courage to say it out loud now) so I can't offer advice like some supernatural being will always be with you kinda thing, but I do know that a human being will be there for you. And it might take a lot of effort and a humongous torchlight to find those people, but they are there. And they will care.
To quote Peyton from One Tree Hill, "There are more than 6 billion people in this world, sometimes all you need is one." All you NEED is one, but more often than not, you'll get more than one. And I say this from the experience of being a very troubled and twisted person. No matter how many batteries or nuclear reactors you need to deploy to power your torchlight just to find the hands out there waiting to pull you up and out, it's worth the fight.
After all, if we don't fight to live, aren't we just living to die?

The Way We Were

2008-04-30T16:25:00.002+08:00

I'm doing some read-ups on stress management in relation with the theory that psychological stress affects our risk of developing cancer. In one of the sites, a technique called Imagery is used. Basically it's remember something that soothes and relaxes you like the way your mom's cooking taste or the coffee shop at the corner of your old house. Something like that.
When I tried it on myself, the first thought that came was the day I spent with Shirling and Stef hiking Kerachut and the fun we had on the beach. I didn't know Stef before then and I kinda had a negative image of her but that day, I was taught the evils of prejudice and being judgmental.
Now, I remember that day as the best day I've had in the past couple of years. It sounds lame, just 3 girls on an empty beach (it really is empty because not many people know about it and it takes an hour or more of hiking to reach it). But the truth is, that day was bliss.
Too bad the people that matter will never see this post.And too bad I don't have any pictures to remember that day by.

Too Much Too Early

2008-04-26T21:32:00.007+08:00

Just got back from Beijing!
The "!" is cause I'm happy I'm back, not cause it's Beijing... Lots to post bout lots of stories. Will probably end up not posting most of them though. I ain't in denial.
Anyway, some pics from before I went to Beijing. It was sort of a day out plus Terrence's birthday. Had fun~
This was at Pavillion's Red Box PLUS. I have no idea what difference PLUS or no PLUS makes but it seemed like it mattered to them. A few hours of polluting this world with my beautiful voice. Joann (girl getting Choke of Death by Patrik) sang quite horribly too so it's OK. (^.^)
This was before we went in. I was supposed to do some ultra cool pimp pose but shy shy lah~ Haha.
Oh, and this is even before the Pavillion! At the MUMedS BBQ before the clubbing night thing where Chris got drunk.
Group pic of BBQ! The girl with the horns next to me is Usher (or Ah Sher... Not really sure how to spell.. Oh, I found out recently that she has a REAL name! *shock*). The girl on my other side is Evonne (who really looks like Mei) and the guy beside her is Yin Qian (who's really really hitting on her hard). Then there's Ali (right) and Vin sitting on the floor. And Joann beside Usher... Basically, it's a long list.
Another group pic showing even more nerds! Haha, looks like our number is strong enough for world domination! Muahahaha~ Oh no, I just realised a few people on the right got their face cut off. Dang.... Ooo, Usher is standing beside me again. And see the guy at Usher's 2 o'clock?
His name is Ping Tet and he can really sing man. Like honestly in the big voice sing. Not the pop star sing type. I'm VERY glad he didn't go to the Red Box thing... He's from Penang too so yeah~ Penang Rulez.

Near Far Wherever You Are

2008-04-19T16:46:00.013+08:00

It's been soooo long since I've last posted, right?
Between the last post and now a LOT has happened, but the main thing is I've finished my mid-sem summative exams!!!!
Haha, I never knew how stressed I was about it until the end of it. But then by then it was too late for me to do any Progressive Muscle Relaxation Techniques. For those of you how don't know what PMR is, it's something Monash is making us go through because they're afraid we might get too stressed and conform to the statistics that says we'll eventually become depressed alcoholics with psychiatric morbidity. Instead of PMR, they should either just reduce the amount of things we have to learn or make school sponsored FUN trips for us. Those makes so much more sense. And for those of you who laugh when we do something, go to hell! Nerds can party too!
I took a lot of pics between then and now but not all of them are with me now, so I'll just make do with what I have.
Don't need what I have not, right?
Oh yeah, and another major thing that happened is I lost my wallet. No biggie though.
I have no idea if I've posted this already.... This is a pic of the cultural morning we had. Every Friday is theme day so we basically dress up like idiots. The girl on the right most is Evonne (she's really pretty and has a HOTTT body... REALLY HOT), the girl in the middle is Joanne (hope I spelled it right), next is JC and the left-most is Jess the really pretty Indian girl. REALLY pretty.
This is Reb (right) and Chris on the cultural morning too. Later, we shall observe how Chris looks after more than 4 standard drinks in 2 hours.
This is Bibi Zarah on the same day but at night tie. She's from Mauritius which is an island country so basically, people walk around in bikinies and board shorts.
This is (L-R) Catherine, Yvonne and Reb. I have to cherish this pic cause this is one of the very few pics where Yvonne isn't doing some stupid pose. We were at the cafetera and since Chris was preoccupied talking to some other friend, we decided to cam-whore while waiting for her.

I know I say I don't like taking pics of food, but this place was awesome! It's at Kota Kemuning and the shop is called Tropical Secrets. Not onlt is the food good, the price is unbelievable also. And that white drink you see there, I don't know what it's called but I've never drank any juice that nice before. No idea what the fingers are doing...
After exams, it's chill out time! Reb is really concentrated on getting the Stack Up right but I really don't know what Stella is looking so intensely at. Is that a spoon? Is she looking at her food? By the way, we were at YogurBerry. The yogurt was pretty good.
The girl on the right is Cheryl. Sorry I can't get a clear pic of you! She's like my mommy. So nice.
I'm vain. So what?
Chris and Aliya... Drunk. There's a lot more pics and a huge story behind that night.... Might post some other time.

I Need A Bigger World

2008-04-10T18:01:00.005+08:00

You know what?? I was telling Slur (my really close ally from college) about Bitch and she was totally on my side all along so I thought like "Muahahahahaha~".
Then today I go check Facebook and see "Sieu Ming and Su Peng are now friends".
I just went like WTF?!?!?!
Then I remembered that Bitch is from Penang too (Argh, so insulting. My beautiful Penang has been raped by her presence!!)
So in my mind I said all the prayers I could think of (I realised I don't know too many. In fact... I know none!) and clicked on "Su Peng" hoping against hope that it wasn't Bitch but kinda knowing it is cause Slur seems to know like more than half the people from Penang. Lo and behold, I was greeted by this:
I've done some modifications because I feel my beloved Penang being defiled is bad enough. I don't need my blog getting the same molestation too.
This is outrageous! Slur! I demand that you delete her!
Grrrrrrrr.....

So This Is What It Feels Like

2008-04-06T22:05:00.002+08:00

Screaming like a baby in the womb
Silent screams I'll take to my tomb
Standing here in the same room
In a corner that won't fit two
My hopes and dreams I put on view
My sorrow my pain. Unknown to you

Lalalalalala~

2008-04-03T20:56:00.005+08:00

I know it's kind of a little late for this, but what the hell is the Chinese cheng beng and burning things all about?!
Seriously, in this day and age, people who still believe in these kinds of stuff??
OK, let me explain why this is so freaking ridiculous.
IT POLLUTES THE EARTH!
Not enough? Fine. Here's more.
Let's see what happening here. Your ancestors died and went to heaven (hopefully *roll eyes*). He reaches heaven and then what?
In case you guys don't understand here. "Heaven" is supposed to be a place of eternal paradise or whatever crap the believers would like to say it is. No matter what race, religion or ethnic you are, it always comes back to the fact that heaven is a place of endless happiness and hell is a place of unconditional suffering.
But if living humans have to burn offerings to the dead ones to provide all the cars, credit cards, China Dolls (maybe in the future anti HIV medicine to combat the affects those dolls will bring) etc etc, that basically means there's nothing there? Heaven is just this vast field of clouds?
The fact that there's nothing there isn't even the worse point.
It's the fact that even after leaving this material world of pain and death, you eventually (still) have to rely on the mortal beings for your own happiness?!
The idea that burning things produces smoke which moves upwards and hence it moves to heaven is so primitive even Tarzan would have laughed his loincloth off!
If this theory sticks, do you realise that most of our pollution is produced by some form of heat towards a material hence producing chemical fumes that move UPWARDS? Basically we're saying every time the lorry or the bus accelerates and a thick fume of black toxin comes out of the exhaust pipe, it's actually making an offering to the deads?
Lessons we've learnt up till now. One, there's nothing in heaven (even though it's supposed to be a land of eternal happiness). Two, heaven is even more polluted than earth (as if that's possible).
The good side it, it was them who polluted it and it's them who will suffer later. I guess life (or death) is fair after all.
And the other problem here is that these people are burning paper.
PAPER.
Again, main problem, it pollutes the earth!
But let's stop being such environmentalist and just think rationally again.
Are you offering a symbol or are you offering the real deal?
To phrase it better, "are your believes for real?"
Because if all you're doing is offering a symbol then for god's sake PLEASE stop burning and making life miserable for all of us!
But if you're a true believer, why the F are you burning paper stuff?
Are you so unfilial that you want your ancestors to drive around in paper cars, fill petrol at paper pumps, whip out the paper plastics (plastics as in credit cards) to pay for it and then zoom off to have some screws with the paper China Dolls?
And get paper HIV? Plus, since a lot of people die of old age, won't you need to burn some Viagra to?
Is that the kind of life you would want the people who brought you into this life to have?
Is that how you treat the people who nurtured you and fed you? By giving them burnt up paper stuffs in return?
Shame on you!
And the sickest part is, he's gonna be screwing a paper thing!
This is even worse than blow up dolls.

A Selfish Kind of Love

2008-04-01T20:32:00.010+08:00

It's going to be exam time soon! But the one on Tues is only a formative so relax la~
Maybe not too much but come on, if we're gonna study every time something like this happens, can you imagine how horrible our lives are going to be?
Myior was saying something about us going to hell when we die cause of the sky-bridge stuffs but honestly, I feel like we're already in academic hell.
There isn't much to report. I got a horrible hair cut. That's one. Of course I'm not going to elaborate about it.
The past few days have been so hot I was starting to think I've actually descended from acdemic hell into the flames and pitch fork hell! Can you believe that it was actually 33 degrees the other night? NIGHT??
And please realise that I don't have air con in my room. It's horrible!
But that was the few nights when I really appreciated my (no water heater) shower. I haven't been to the gym lately. I'm feeling so fat. OK, not just feeling. I know the truth la you don't have to make it so obvious!
Slurrie, if you look carefully you'll see the plate on the table. That Arab restaurant was extremely awesome and you can be sure I'm not losing any weight here. And Farhan!!!! I'm gonna go gym tomorrow!! By the way this is Adnan's birthday and he would be the only guy in the pic. Oh yeah~ the upper right most girl's name is Stella and although she looks normal here, she's not.
Hint: Her theme song is "This is the short Stella~ ella~ ella~ ella~ a~ a~ a~".
The amount of people that came when they heard there was going to be great food.
If I'm not mistaken his name is Mr Muscle. If I'm not mistaken la! This pic looks a lil' obscene.
A better shot of him. Although you can't see it in this pic, he looks so real he actually has nose hair. NOSE HAIR!! Can you believe that while they were disecting him and everything they didn't even have the courtesy to give him some grooming. And boy are his lips thick. One day I'll have the courage to poke into his eyes! Cause I heard it's like, real or something.
This girl's name is JC. And I tell you man, she is soooo wrong (mentally) that she makes all the porn directors and porn stars look right. Seriously. The lecturer says "... rubber, like a balloon for exmaple.." she replies "Hahahahaha." and the lecturer looks at her and goes "I knew the moment I said rubber you would be thinking about condom. OK lah, fine! Like a condom!"
And worse of all! She pinches your nipples if you step on her tail! Some times she pinches them for no reason! And she pinches them regardless of gender or what armour you're wearing. One time she pinched a guy's nipple eventhough he had his suit and shirt and tie on!
By the way, the pic is her demonstrating how to get a boob job. Sexy mama!
After she gets her boobs fixed, it's time to give some one else some service. Nurse JC, paging Nurse JC.
WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF SERVICE! Slur LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS BITCH ER!
This senior of mine. I can remember her name! It's Shu Peng. I remember it cause someone said "Oh it sounds like stupid."
Anyway this bitch a, I don't even feel bad for calling her a bitch.
This Bitch (that shall be her name). One day she just walks into our Histo lab when everybody was rushing off to lunch and she says something like "Can you all settle down while I make this announcement?"
I was really hungry so I asked "What's it about?"
That bitch just went "Well, if you'll just listen for a minute here I can actually tell you that."
Her attitude! And in the name of that red guy with horns and a pithfork from down under, she took waaaaay more than A MINUTE.
I walked out halfway la but the whole thing basically was about this thing she's organising where we have to PAY RM70 and drive all the way to god know's where and take time out of our already almost full schedule to do so.
And Bitch was giving the whole freaking class attitude about it. I don't know about you but the way I see it, she's asking for a favor and obviously she's not getting it.
So OK over and done with. Contact with Bitch #001 over. Date of Contact #002: never.
But oh how wrong I was. One day we were sitting there having lunch (why does all her problems center around lunch? Maybe that's why she's so fat.), Bitch just walks up, stands so close to me I can not only smell her obnoxious THING she must be using as a perfume but I couldn't scoop my food anymore cause her tummy was in the way of my arm movement!
She just stands there and starts talking about that stuff again and someone just went like "Hei, why don't you explain what you're talking about to these guys? I don't think they know what you're talking about." very nicely and she just gives us THE LOOK and goes,
"I already gave a very long speech about this conference in the Histo lab the other day and if they didn't attend it well it was their loss."
Can you actually believe she said that?!
If she didn't walk away right after I was gonna shout Bitch already.
She was there trying to ask us to sign up for it! And she gives us attitude!
By the way, from what I heard once she went to ask some girl why that girl wanted to be a doctor and of course the girl just ignored her. Then Bitch just went on by herself (without anyone prompting her) saying,
"Actually I didn't want to be a doctor. But since both my parents are doctors and in my opinion, if you're smart and you can serve people, you should become a doctor so that's why I'm here."
Do I need to elaborate further on why I can't stand her?
As Aliya said it: "She's an itch with a 'b'".

All In A Day's Work

2008-03-27T16:24:00.008+08:00

I'm starting to feel like I'm drowning in my work. There seems to be so much and so little at the same time! So much to do so little time. Plus I don't want to neglect my gyming too. After I finish this post I have to finish tomorrow's PCL presentation and go to the gym. Yeah~ I'm going home tomorrow. At least that's something to look forward to.
I think I'll do like a semi-bimbo here.
I went to University Hospital (UH) yesterday to visit the paediatrics oncology ward. Oncology means cancer, by the way. They were having a birthday party so it was as depressing as I thought it would be although I so didn't like the balloons there. I even met this 12 year old kid called Farhan (what a coincidence) who's so sweet I felt like biting him. His love for his mom was just amazing and he was so friendly and played us some songs when we were the ones who were supposed to be entertaining him. Somehow, I felt like out presence there was more of a nuisance and they were the ones who're going out of their way to make us feel good about ourselves. I really don't know if I should support this because I don't see how our going there would benefit the kids but my friends seem to be determined to make it a weekly activity. I know our exposure to chronically ill patients is good for us but I want to do something that's good for them.
What exactly am I achieving by singing songs with them and doing art together?
These are my friends Christine (the nice one among the 2 Chris), Aliya in the middle and Laveena at the clinical visit to Tanglin Community Clinic. All 3 of them are from my PCL group (YEAH~!). I couldn't get a picture of myself cause my phone ran out of battery but I'm having another visit soon so it's all good.
That's Catherine trying to get a shot in even though I was clearly trying to get a pic of the skull with a nail sticking through the top of its head. We all concluded that this guy didn't get braces cause his teeth were awful!
I know I'm supposed to be studying but I couldn't help myself. Argh! I dislocated its jaw! T.T
These are pics from today. Basically these are how a lot of our classes are. Actually all non-lectures are held like this, which makes it really fun. I even took a video of today's class. Might load it up if I feel like it.
Don't I look adorable?

We Might As Well Be Strangers

2008-03-21T21:46:00.004+08:00

If there's one TV character in this world I could relate to, it's Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill. I know with the new season (spoiler warning) many people feel that Lucas should be with Lindsay but Hello?! Peyton is his comet! Thank you Lindsay for doing the right thing.
I think there's always that one person in this life that saves you, even if you don't know you needed saving. Maybe too many of us go through life without stopping to think where we're heading or where we came from. Because if you did, you'd probably find a blurry future and a past filled with regrets. But then nobody gets to the present without the past, so I guess I wouldn't change mine for the world.
From time to time, we all need some form of guidance. I must say I was pretty fortunate I found mine when I most needed it, and I hope the people who helped me out will find their way too. And if I'm lucky enough, maybe I might get to return the favour. There's a lot of love lost between all of us, but I think deep down we know that we'd always be there for each other. And I know none of them reads this blog but then we all know I'm too cowardly to tell them face to face what I really want to say, so I'll just write it in a meaningless article.
I'm sorry that I'm rarely there when I should be but I promise you that I do try my best. I'm getting there, slowly but surely, I'll get there.
I don't believe in true love, but I do believe there's a comet to fill you with all the hope and certainty and life in this world. Too bad not many of us get to have our comets, and even less people get to see it soar across the same horizon twice.

Elections Stars Start Running

2008-03-17T21:58:00.009+08:00

Elections have started! No, I'm not an idiot.
I didn't mean the national election or any of those big craps, I meant the election for our MUMedS and class reps. MUMedS stand for Monash University Medical Society and I think like probably 99% of the class joins it or something. I think! So I guess choosing a MUMedS rep basically means choosing the face of our year or something. As for the class rep, he /she is just something like the class monitors plus treasurer we had back in high school. Doing all the dirty jobs and stuff. Don't know why anyone would want to run for that though.
I don't think electing a class rep is that big of a deal but then since we're having an election week for MUMedS, I guess some people just thought we should do something like that for the class rep too. I think Ali wants to be both.
Anyway, back in high school we had um... "elections" where we would shout out some one's name and then force everyone else to put up their hands to elect that person. But here, it seems like a whole new level! People are giving speeches (one of them scripted) and doing campaigns (kinda) and already trying to proof their worth by organising stuffs (now this I can really appreciate).
As for the speech. Haha. Let the picture say it all.
OK, I started this post yesterday but got cut off here cause my internet went down. Bloody Streamyx. Now where was I? Oh, OK. The one laughing on the left is Jeremy and the guy on the left is Ali. No offence dude but I seriously have never met any one named Ali and I find it very funny cause Ali is the name of choice when I had to construct sentences back in primary school. So popular! The girl trying to be Avril (puke!.. kidding!) in the middle is JC, from my PCL group.
GROUP C ROCKS!
Anyway, the hand protruding from the lower right corner of the picture and totally spoiling the whole setting belongs to Matt.
This is how I take notes. I'm not being lazy. As a modern day (future) doctor, we must learn to utilize all the technology that is present and that will soon come out. This is me maximizing the uses of my handphone.
Oh, this is totally random. This is a view of TPS's room from TPS's bed. That guy sitting in front of the computer being hardworking is apparently someone who likes TPS or something and she's using him to get her tracing done. For your info, he was the only one who was actually doing work in that room.
They look alike don't they? Reb and Chris are so going to hate me for posting such an ugly picture of them. Oh, I suddenly remembered something. Last time when we were Google-ing them up, we couldn't find their names so maybe I should write their whole name here jsut for the sake of it. OK, here goes. REBECCA NG HAW VON and CHRISTINE HOUNG CHUI TING.
Shit, I don't know their surnames. I guess that's correct though. Anyway let me tell you a little something about these useless two. There I was in a total mess after going all the way to Kamal (which is near Hospital Kuala Lumpur) to buy some books and naturally we got very lost and exhausted. And see what they're doing while I was so busy driving and bringing us back to the arms of civilisation?! They were being freaking pigs!
Again, this is totally random but this is the picture of my favourite kid back when I was working at the kindergarten.

Here Comes The Sun

2008-03-15T21:46:00.002+08:00

I don't know why but it always takes FOREVER for the My.Monash page to load. It's so annoying, and the only reason I ever go to that site is for academic sake so it just makes me not want to do it even more! What the heck people, can't you do something to improve just a little bit?!
What's new lately? Well, there's this little problem... It's not too big or anything. But basically I'll be embarassing myself and killing my (I like to think of it as) good rep forever. But let's save the shame for that day shall we?
Oh, I went to the Kamal bookstore today. Haha, it's a medical book supplier store and they said the prices there are cheaper. Which is true in some sense... Each book is like, cheaper by 5 - 10 bucks. So if you just buy one book at a time it would actually be a huge hassle to get there and back for so small a saving. But then we actually have to buy quite a number of books so I guess it would be worth it if we buy 'em all in one shot. I bought Wheater's histology and the medical handbook. The Wheater's have some "problematic" pages on it so I'll have to go change it soon. And I'm also hoping to buy an anatomy atlas and another text plus a physio book. My god, I'll be broke by the end of this! The part that I'm most pissed about is the fact that Monash didn't give us free lab coats! We had to freaking pay for it eventhough they're already charging us an arm and a limb for the tuition fees!
But well, I really like studying here so maybe I should stop complaining. I don't really take that many picturese cause I never could remind myself to do it...
My plan to turn this into a bimbo blog is sooo not working.

Spend All Your Time Waiting For That Second Chance

2008-03-12T14:32:00.002+08:00

I need some distraction... Memories seep through my vein.

A lot of things have been going well lately, but I guess we can't have every little thing we want. I'm not feeling so well. It started with a sore throat and got a lil worse... Well, basically now it's a mild fever. But I'm taking a lot of (hypertonic) fluid and low-nutrition food so I guess I'll be better anytime soon.
Oh, hei, you know what? My friend, Shay Kheng, got like 3As for her STPM, which is totally cool right? Even better is that Looi got 3Bs and an A too! Haha, I feel so proud for some strange reason which I can't understand.
But the SPM results didn't come out so.... Happy though. Well, I don't know it they met the expectations of the people who sat for it but I guess life has a few tricks up its sleeve.
I'm depressed right now. I found out I have no direction in life. Actually I do. 5 years from now, hopefully I'll be saving more lives than I kill. And then I'm gonna subject myself to a few more years of unbearable stress and hardship to get a specialist degree and hopefully I'll help more people than I trouble... again.
But that's not what I mean. Emotionally, I lack direction. I'm at a standstill. I feel like I haven't budged an inch since I was 14 or something. How do you grow if the sun don't shine?

It's A Crime Against The Heart To Be Somewhere In Between

2008-03-09T22:08:00.002+08:00

Put Your Brave Face On

2008-03-09T21:52:00.005+08:00

As you go on with life, you see the world which is so big, people who are so great and things so amazing... You see that truth be told, you're just an insignificant speck of dust floating among billions of other dust particles. As you grow up, you grow smarter and wiser than when you were ten, yet you somehow feel more of loser and an ignoramus than when you knew nothing at all. You lose the confidence that tells you the world is your roller coaster and you're gonna ride it at 100 miles per hour.
But maybe all we need to know about life, we've already learnt when we were ten. Maybe all we need to know is that the people who play with you at the playground are your friends, the people who call you names at school are idiots; and tomorrow morning you're gonna wake up again and you're gonna ride the roller coaster all over again.
It's only life after all.

PS: I've been realising lately that I have very interesting friends. This is what Farhan has been up to lately.

Baby You Have Become My Addiction

2008-03-04T21:24:00.006+08:00

Wanna know what I've been up to lately? Haha, basically. I haven't been saving lives.
I had all my scripts written out you know. I would go to medic school, be smart and suddenly while I was walking down some street one day, some one will suddenly have this medical emergency then I'd go like "Come with me if you want to live."
And in all those scenes I was cool as ice. Unfortunately, as each day passes by, the chances of someone suddenly facing a medical condition (which I would actually know how to cure) near me seems to be getting thinner. Well, they were thin from the very start. It was just my bloated head popping up and down.
Instead of doing a lumbar puncture or drilling someone's skull, I've been stuck (happily) doing these....
That's my PCL group learning how to wear gloves. EXACTLY! I was thinking "Dude! We're medic students! Do you honestly think we don't know how to wear gloves?"
Turns out, we don't. OK, at least I don't. I should just crawl into some deep dark hole and curl up into a ball or something. Again, my big fat bloated head. It must be water retention or something (I don't really know what that means exactly but I keep hearing women complaining about it).
Then this is us with our surgical gowns and masks on. The lady not wearing the ugly suit is our very friendly tutor, Ms Amritha. OK, I don't know how to spell her name but it's the thought that counts RIGHT?!
Aren't we cool? Haha. I didn't save any lives (yet) but the classes are fun and the company is amazing. Especially my PCL group. Who knew a bunch of nerds could actually be so cool right?
And here are some random pictures of what I'm doing when I'm not playing dress-up.
This is my idiot brother playing dress-up (now it's his turn!). He's actually pretending to be a robber sneaking into the toilet.... Huh?!
This is one of my um.... "smart" friends, Christine Hung. The hand you see at the front there is Reb's. Yvonne was actually supposed to be sitting next to Christine but then that slur (yes guys, there's another slur!) just walked out when I was taking the pic. Idiot.
Anyway, I guess that's all.
Doesn't this like a bimbo post? Gosh I'm so proud.

Everybody's Got A Drug Dealer On Speed Dial

2008-03-02T15:26:00.002+08:00

Yay!! I think I might be going back to Penang soon. My big bro came to stay with us for the weekend and just went back a while ago.
I went out with my high school friends just now to meet up with Wai Cheng who came back from India for the hols. You know what the funny thing is?
I was sitting there surrounded by a bunch of people I barely talked to when we were still in the same school. I don't think I've even talked to two of them before!
What amazed me was that the people whom I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life hanging out with are miles and miles away. I guess life really doesn't turn out the way you expect it to.
And another thing is that WC, who's like the nicest most.. um... less-likely to be "adventurous" person I know, now has a tattoo the size of a palm whereas I'm still keeping my body un-holed and squeeky clean until now.
Anyway, just keeping things updated here.

Cause After All You Do Know Best

2008-02-29T15:03:00.004+08:00

Oh my god, I have internet!! OK, I know some of you might be thinking "What? She had internet before this too!" but the truth is, I didn't! I was just using my brother's computer. But this is me. This is me with internet on MY internet.
I'm so glad man. Haha. No more sneaking up to his com to do my stuff and bla bla bla. It's all me from now on!
Anyway, this is like... Oh, exactly the 2nd week since I've been in KL. How are things here? Not too bad I guess.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
My main concern when I first had to come here was the thought that I would be leaving my friends in Penang and my family and I'm going to be thrown into this whole new and foreign situation where (paranoia sets in) everybody is out to get me.
The truth is, I am sad that I had to leave familiarity to go on with my life but now, I can confidently say that I don't regret it.
Regardless of how much Denial I drown myself in, the truth is everybody leaves, right? A lot of my friends left to further their studies of move overseas. They had a life they had to continue. The feeling of abandonment is strong. I guess I've been abandoned so many times that I didn't want to do the same thing. But life goes on, and my turn to leave came and so I left.
The best part of coming to KL is learning a life lesson.
Although familiarity is comfortable, you've got to jump one time or the other. And despite all your convictions, most of the time there is a safety net below.
I've been so afraid to leave my old group because I was afraid to look for a new one. Fortunately, I did find a new group and they're as awesome as medic students can get (I guess). They're all pretty nice and fun and when you need help, they would even trouble themselves to give you a hand. By the way, I don't just mean the friends from Monash. TPS and her room mates are pretty cool though. Plus they're a very good source of entertainment. Being with them is like playing a part in some show called "Comedy 101" or "Comedy Network". Tune in at the rick of pulling a muscle in your stomach while laughing. If life is a wheel and our present is a consequent of our past, then I must have been pretty
good to people in the past.
Thinking back, all through primary, secondary and college, I've always been lucky enough to find a group of people who would stick together and share their joys.
I don't believe in god or anything that claims to have control over the lives of 6billion humans and all the dying species on this earth but IF (against all scientific odds) there's someone looking, I must say he ain't too bad at all.

How To Find A Lost Heart

2008-02-25T23:24:00.003+08:00

Burn my heart,
If it means nothing to you.
Cause we both know,
It means nothing to me.

For my heart is lost,
To a world that fades.
Just take my apologies,
And give me some space.

It might be broken,
It might be cut.
For all we know,
It might even be whole.

What does it matter?

My heart is not yours.
It ain't mine either.
Somewhere on a floor,
It lays asunder.

What I Want Will Never Be What I Have

2008-02-25T22:47:00.003+08:00

We fight it. We deny it. We ignore it. But the truth is inevitable.
Fear is what we love.
We spend so much of our time trying to convince ourselves and others that we, as civilized and well-evolved human beings, rejoice in the comfort of a safe and stable community. But deep in the hearts of those who look beyond the lies and deceit is the ultimate fact millenniums of documented history of mankind has try to hide. The fact that what we really... REALLY want is fear, hatred and bloodshed.
Wars have been fought in every generation. The atrocious and outrageous raping of the fundamental concept of world peace has been repeated again and again. Blood spills every where, every time. Which idiot honestly believes that Homo sapiens have evolved beyond the restraints of a monster instinct to kill and destroy. A xenophobic tribe that guises itself as an educated society, we burn and obliterate all that is foreign, benign or otherwise.
Now tell me, are you listening?

What separates me from you

2008-02-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

If you're good at something good, like good at saving lives, that's good.
Maths: positive multiplied by positive = positive.

If you're bad at something bad, like bad at being rude to people, that's good too.
Maths: negative multiplied by negative = positive.

If you're good at something bad, like good at killing innocent people, or bad at something good, like you're bad at helping people, that's bad.
Maths: negative/positive multiplied by positive/negative = negative.

Who knew maths would be so useful, eh?
Have you ever wondered how rich you would be if you did something useless? For example, wrote scripts for chick flicks.
What intelligence does it require?
None.
Why?
Every plot is so predictable!
Correct me if I'm wrong, I beg of you, because from what I've seen (I'm a fan of chick flicks which means I've seen a LOT), the story seems to be so consistent.
Girl (pretty in the girl-next-door way but a misfit of the group she will be thrown into) goes into a new situation, meets evil-pretty new girls (to avoid misinterpretation, I shall name them Biatches) who suck the life out of people yet the ground they walk on is miraculously worshiped by the majority. Girl meets handsome, charming guy who is most probably the IT guy of the community she has been introduced to. Girl is targeted by the leader of the Biatches who intentionally makes the other minion-Biatches misunderstand and subsequently "disown" girl. Girl meets new dorks/nerds (Rejects) and realizes inner beauty is more important. Girl starts a campaign against the evil regime of the Biatches and enlightens the previously foolish majority who have been living in the dark age. During campaign, Biatch leader pulls a trick to cause the Rejects group to misunderstand girl and leave her, albeit temporarily. Girl is also made to misunderstand Prince Charming by Biatch leader and breaks up/avoids him. Rejects group SOMEHOW realizes their mistake for not sticking by girl and goes back to her side and finally, the campaign to oust the evil regime is won! In most cases, minion-Biatches realized they have been tricked by the leader Biatch and rejects her from the group to turn to the path of good and holiness. Girl SOMEHOW finds out she was mistaken about Prince Charming and the two live happily ever after.
Or at least until the end of the flick.
According to this rule, all I need is to think of two sets of names, one that screams Rejects and another that screams the opposite. Of course the girl and Prince Charming's name will be in the "opposite" group because they have to be accepted by the majority at the very start of the flick. After that, I will proceed on thinking of a setting (college, high school, fashion world) and voila~ my job is done!
Can you imagine how much those script writers earn by just following a set of conditions that takes an IQ level of 20 to comprehend?
All the while, we're rotting and pondering over how we'll deal with bankruptcy after we go against our rational judgment to buy the prettiest clutch (for this season) in the world.

Whoever said all men are born equal is an ignoramus for two obvious reasons.
One, he should have used the politically correct and gender-unbiased term of "humans".
Two, if we were born equal then why is Nicole Kidman so hot, Keira Knightley so sexy and Britney Spears so freaking rich for doing exactly what I'm doing and have done?
In case you're wondering what I've been so diligently doing all this while, it's NOTHING.
Nothing at all.

Where do I sign up?

2008-02-01T12:00:00.000+08:00

You know what I've suddenly realized?!
There are exactly 12 days left until the big day! I don't get why people celebrate their 21st birthday with such a bang when I feel the 20th birthday is more important cause you know... like it's the year you stop being seven, eight, nineTEEN and become a twenTY. It's like a serious transaction.
Our age changes from single digits to pre-teen and teen and now that we've become post-teen, it's like we've joined a whole new alliance. Isn't it strange how the first twenty years of our lives had so many phases to it but once we reach that 20year marker, it all becomes sort of monotonous? Like how we'll be twenTY, thirTY, forTY and so on. Like we went from one two three to eleven twelve which were exciting in their own way. Then suddenly we became thirTEEN and fourTEEN which was even more exciting (despite being a little depressing for me). But still, we were making progress. But now that we inch closer to joining the TY-ties (pronounced tee-tees), it all seems kind of bleak. No longer will we be able to excite ourselves by the way our age is written or pronounced. There will be no more profound changes in the years that mark our lives. From now on it's TY to the end.
It's as if whoever thought up this way of counting numbers just thought "Haha! In case you aren't depressed enough by the loss of your childhood, I'll make the future seem more dark and gloomy by making the rest of your years into TY-ties!"
Gosh, what cruelty.

22nd July 2003

2008-02-01T11:45:00.000+08:00

I don't have most of the answers to a lot of questions, neither do I think I will find them all. But that doesn't mean I will give up searching. I don't believe in God but I do believe in karma. I don't believe in destiny but I honestly think there's a deeper meaning to our lives than we realize. I don't know what will happen next but I do know we are in complete control of our lives and anything that happens to us is a result of our actions. I believe if our life spins out of control we have only ourselves to blame for it.

Misery Business

2008-01-20T21:37:00.000+08:00

What is love?
If somebody knows, please tell me. If you even have the faintest idea about what this is all about then I beg you to tell me.
What is it? Think about it for a while here.
I can tell you all the text book answers to it, but the question is, which one is true?
How can some people fall in love with different people so many times? How can some people fall in love with different people at the same time? And these aren't fake love as long as those people are concerned. I mean sure there are people out there who just say "Yes I love.." without actually thinking about it but there are also people who think about it and realise they're (were) in love with more than one person.
If yes, then how come such a thing is possible as this totally contradicts the theory of a soul mate. Isn't there supposed to be that one person out there who's supposed to be meant (made) for you? Or maybe there are soul mates. There are more than one?
Is that why some people fall in love more than once?
But what if there really is just one soul mate out there but he lives in Iraq and you live on Mount Everest? Is there like destiny and at one point in life you will definitely meet the soul mate regardless? However what if the your supposed soul mate doesn't believe in soul mates and when the time came he just took the best option available and hence when destiny really does come to play he won't be available anymore. I mean people who believe in destiny and soul mates have to believe in morality and know that cheating is not right. And you say so leave the non-soul mate and go with the soul mate?
But what if you can really love more than one person at the same time and you really love your wife so you can't leave her for the soul mate even if god himself came down and told you "That woman you just meant in the bar is the woman i created just for you. I'm sorry I couldn't bring the two of you to meet sooner but oh well.."
If any or all of what I just said is true, then what is love? If none of it is.... then does love even exist?
Is there even such a thing as a soul mate? Maybe it's just something someone made up to get the girl of his dreams to go all lovey dovey and say "I do" to him.
Maybe the so-called "soul mates" out there who last forever until they die till eternity bla bla bla aren't really soul mates, they just happen to be two people who met, felt the attraction, married had kids and worked through all the fights and quarrels and hurts and hates and one day died. Maybe they were supposed to break up / divorce but they died too early and hence that appointed date of separation never came to materialise?
If you have to work through all of it, is that really love? I mean that's a part of a relationship I get it but is that really love?
Scientifically speaking love is as simple as it gets : lust, attraction, attachment. It doesn't last forever and you can have as many as your heart desires. You meet someone you define as hot / pretty/ beautiful / phat /sexy and lust appears. You act on that lust and talk / date / have sex and get to know that person beyond physical matters and attraction comes to play. After spending intimate moments with that person you find yourself used to the idea of him / her and hence attachment begins. Biologically and evolutionarily speaking we have to mate and reproduce to ensure our existence on this planet so the attachment is the part where you have sex make babies and make it through until the infant can survive. After the baby is born all biology and evolutionary needs end (unless you want to make more with the same person) and you can either leave or raise it.
Lust last for maybe months. Attraction last for a few years... some say up to three. So the attachment part is the part we're all interested in. Attachment is the bonding which promotes relationships that last for many years, and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests.
But before marriage existed and people were told you have to raise your children responsibly so they won't turn up to be serial killers or Hitlers, what was there?
There was lust and attraction and chemicals in your brain that we know define as "love".
If science is correct then there's no such thing as soul mates, right? But then I believe in science with as much heart as a person can give it but some times, just some times, I start thinking.
I think about the times when I felt a pain so terrible I really thought "Oh my god, my heart is breaking". But scientifically, a heart can't actually break. Not unless you freeze it and smash it with a sledge hammer, no. It's an internal organ that pumps to distribute oxygenated and deoxygenated blood in your body. How can a piece of muscle tissue BREAK from emotions? But it just really feels like it's breaking, you know?
And what if, just what if, all those people out there who are in love.... Maybe they aren't?
Maybe they saw someone and the idea of love hit them at that time and so somehow they subconsciously talked themselves into love with the other person, but it isn't love at all. It's just self-hypnotisms. Right?
In an article from Wiki, it says love can't be universally explained because our thoughts exist in so many different languages that affects our beings and hence you can't but a definite definition to such an abstract thing. Some say it's easier to experience than to explain.
But if no one can explain what love is to you, how would you know that particular emotion you're feeling is love and not something else?
Some say love isn't a feeling, it is an activity. But how can any romanticist actually believe that?
In the end, we're left with that one question we started with. What is love?

Through The Looking Glass

2008-01-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since I lasted posted. And this time, it has not been for a lack of material. I've been thinking, a lot. A whole lot. Just never really got the chance to put it into words. Now I'm just plain lazy to do so.
So let's talk about something recent. Everyday is an adventure, right? Well, here is another chance for you to get to know a little more about me. I can't tell a story for shit.
Like seriously.
I think I do quite good on paper (or webpage... If you insist on being sooo technical). But in words, I suck! And no, I'm not in one of those self-depreciating moods. It's just the truth.
It's not to say I suck at talking, because.... well, that would probably be the biggest lie of the millennium. My problem is story-telling or relaying or whatever. When I was in primary school I did the oh-so-big mistake of taking part in a story telling contest and I lie not when I say this. It was the most boring 4 minutes of the lives of anybody who cared to pay attention. As if that wasn't enough proof, I thought I might spice up my tutoring classes and get my young students to get interested in reading books so one day, I ventured down the long and dark path of trying to tell them a story from one of the books available.
My god, who terribly that turned out.
Once was enough for me to not to want to do it again..... NEVER!
Then the other day, my father asked about this movie and since the whole car was silent (me, my bro and parents were driving down to KL) so I thought, what the heck, even though this is usually my mom's territory, guess it won't hurt if I tried.
Again, how terribly that turned out.
The movie was The Painted Veil and it tells the story of this young married couple. They go to this very dirty place, the guy gets a disease and dies.
At least, according to me, that's what happened. Upon hearing my excellent account, my brother was baffled beyond his mind as to how horribly a person can tell a story. This is what Wikipedia had to say about it:
Kitty Garstin is a pretty, shallow young woman from a well-to-do London family, under pressure from her parents to find a husband. Soon after she meets him at a party, she marries Dr. Walter Fane , an earnest, socially awkward doctor on leave from China, even though she does not love him. The Fanes move to Shanghai, where Dr. Fane is stationed in a government lab studying infectious diseases. Soon bored, Kitty meets Charles Townsend , a married British diplomat who is a serial womanizer, and has an affair with him. When Walter finds out, he gives her an ultimatum: come with him to the Chinese interior to assist with a cholera epidemic relief effort for which he has volunteered, or face a divorce on the grounds of her adultery. Kitty turns to Townsend to persuade him to divorce his wife and marry her. When Townsend, to Kitty's surprise but not Walter's, refuses to leave his wife for Kitty, she chooses to travel inland with her husband. At first, Walter and Kitty barely speak to each other. Kitty is miserable, with nothing to do. She decides to volunteer at a local orphanage run by French nuns, which her husband visits often outside of his lab work. In this setting Kitty begins to see her apparently-cold husband in a new light, as she learns what a selfless and caring person he can be. The Fanes' marriage blossoms into love. She grows to care about the children at the orphanage, while Walter tends to the sick and looks for a way to stop the spread of the epidemic despite resistance from the populace and the local warlord in the politically torn China of the 1920s. After their reconciliation Kitty learns she is pregnant, but is unsure whether Charlie or Walter is the father. Just as the local cholera problem is coming under control, diseased refugees from elsewhere pour into the area, forcing Walter to set up a refugee camp outside town. Walter contracts cholera and dies, devastating Kitty, who returns to London. Five years later, walking with her young son Walter, Kitty runs into Townsend on the street. Townsend makes small talk with them both for a short while and begins to suggest a meeting with Kitty. However, Kitty rejects his overtures and walks away.
Anyway, my point is I can't tell a story but until then, I still didn't realise that for a fact. I just thought my brother was being awfully mean.
Then just now I was watching this Top 25 Celebrity bla bla bla and I was listening to this woman's recount of a near death experience she had and I just couldn't believe how hard that message hit home.
I can't tell a story for shit. Seriously.
I mean just the thought of having to give myself some intonations give me a fright. Like, you know. It's so freaking childish! You read a book because the book is interesting, NOT because the person who wrote it can read it very well. That's just superficial crap!
I try, oh I do try to do it. When I was trying to tell that story to my students not so long ago. Oh how I tried to make the terrifying parts sound scary and the good parts sound sweet. In the end I ended up telling them what's involved and how it ended and asked them to read it themselves.
Gosh, I'm like a handicap.

There's Your Trouble

2007-12-11T19:39:00.000+08:00

Have you heard of the BET Awards?
If you haven't, let me accomplish my awe-inspiring job again. In case you missed what I said before, my job is to enlighten you tiny lil' chicks and lambs. Ya dig?
BET Awards stands for "Black Entertainment Awards". Well, everybody (who didn't come out of a politically-correct time warp) would probably know what "black" stands for. What we all (myself the almighty omniscient being included) don't get is why any self-respecting white / yellow / blue / rainbow coloured person isn't making a big fuss about it?
If I were living in the US of A, I would have let the whole shebang out already and tear these racist bastards and bitches (B&B) to pieces. I won't even mention the fact that these niggers are allowed to humiliate and degrade themselves by calling themselves all the names they won't allow others to call, yet are able to look you straight in the face and say it.
Isn't it ironic, don't you think?
After all the insults these B&B serve the whites with, now they're supposed to stand with an award show that caters only to blacks?
A little too ironic, yeah I really do think.
Why doesn't somebody rebel and make a WET Awards? I'm sure nobody in their sane mind would retaliate if they were aware of the B&Bs and BETs.
Seriously, am I the only one who sees an opportunity to sue some B&B ass off? Have the Americans lost their games? Aren't they supposed to be the gods of suing each other?
Seriously.
Here's my shout-out in support of a WET Awards taking place some time soon.

PS: I'm currently very sick which have reduced my brain to pulp which might not might not be affecting my brain function. I don't know. If I were smart enough to know this answer I probably wouldn't have to write this PS anyway.

Death Is But Another Release

2007-12-08T13:12:00.000+08:00

I read this children's book titled "The Honey Bear Who Wanted A Friend" or something to that affect and I couldn't help but be amazed at how politically incorrect the whole affair is! And it's very clearly a children's book! Well, that is unless some very sick and twisted people have started publishing adult reads with colourful covers and pictures of cute little animals lining the pages. The whole thing was an insult to the innocence of childhood!
I've been using a lot of exclamation marks but I can't help it cause I'm just appalled by all this.
The book tells the story about this lonely Honey Bear who cried and cried about his loneliness and one day decided to go on a quest to find himself a friend. In the whole of the story, he met numerous animals whom he tried to help but in vain. Some because his size was merely too big for them (like the birds trying to build a nest) and some because they simply would not accept his help in fear of what ulterior motive he might have. There were the beavers who played with him but after a good day of fun, he realises he's different from them and simply could not fit in so he quits them. At the end of a story, like all children's stories, he finds a friend. But surprise, surprise. Who is the friend but another fellow bear, and a girl bear for that matter. Yes, they wrote it and even stressed the fact that it's a girl bear who will one day become Mama Bear to his little ones. Yes! THEY WROTE ALL THAT!
Seriously.
In case you stone-heads haven't realised the whole problem behind all this. Let me enlighten you (for is that not my job as the all-knowing one?).
First of all, it shows inability to be alone and to seek out companionship. Well, that's not a problem at all until kids who are so in need of attention and companionship turns to measures such as drugs and being useless A-holes.
Then, we reach the main insult of the whole book. That just because things are different you should not and CAN NOT accept them. This is proven in the numerous times he tried to make friends with the swans, the fawns or other animals. Those animals' fear of the well-meaning Honey Bear also teach kids that you should fear (and hence reject) anything that's different from you. Not different from what is right; Different from YOU! Are we still wondering why people always have racial / cultural / religious conflicts? I bet all the people out there trying to resolve these conflicts in peaceful terms never read this Honey Bear book when they were still at an impressionable age.
At the end of the story, there is the insult to the homosexuals out there and the very misplaced sex-education! Do these kids really need to know one day the guy sitting beside you is gonna F you and you're gonna go through 9months of pain and hardship as a result? And that book was probably meant for readers of 4-7 years of age! I call that totally inappropriate. Then there's the whole issue of stressing the fact that the new friend is a girl bear. Not another bear, not another boy bear, no no. They stressed that it was a GIRL bear. The girl bear that will soon be called Mama Bear.
While the maniacs out there are trying to purge discrimination by changing "Baa-baa Black Sheep" into "Baa-baa Colourful Sheep", readers of this book are being taught to not only discriminate blacks, but every other thing that differs from themselves. Does nobody see the irony?
The worse part of all this boo-haa being that "black sheep" is a very legitimate term describing a person who causes shame or embarrassment because of deviation from the accepted standards of his or her group. And this is true back in the time when bleach didn't exist because of course people would rather have white wool that looks clean when it's clean and black when it's dirty (hence reminding you to clean it). Really, who cares about this small issue when the cute ol' Honey Bear is out there doing more harm than all the nursery rhymes combined?
Seriously!

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

2007-12-06T12:32:00.000+08:00

You know what I've observed lately? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Gosh my life is boring. I can't even think of something interesting to write. I've actually started writing a story that's ending up to be too long to be a story and too short to be a novel so its existence is currently under consideration. When I get something good I'll definitely post it up.
That said, it probably means this post is considerably dull. But who cares, I'm still gonna talk.
I've been going to the gym regularly recently. Seriously, you guys would be amazed by how dedicated I am towards my gym-regime if you choose to judge me by my figure. Someone really smart once said don't judge a book by it's cover and I'm gonna say "True that!". Don't let the flabs, bumps and soft-tissue fool you, my friend!
I go gyming like, 5 days a week, sometimes even every day of the week! However, the dismaying truth is I don't look anywhere near Madonna or Gwen! Or even Keira or Paris looking! The reason I chose to put these names in two different categories is because of the apparent similarity in the extra hot bods but the undeniable truth that the Hot Mamas a.k.a. Gwen and Madonna have the fittest body for hot mamas in the world. I would go trough ten times the labour pain the suffered if some almighty lord would grant me bods as hot as them... Note: I don't want the kids but I'm just trying to prove how much I'm willing to sacrifice. To be in this group you don't necessarily have to be a mama you just have to have a body worthy to be called babelicious. Like Jessica Alba.
The difference with the Paris (and Alley McBeal) group is that they're hot....but NOT hot. Get what I mean? It's like.... They're hot but they're so not fit! Look at them! People from Somalia look exactly like them minus the pretty face (an outcome of numerous cosmetic assistance, I'm sure). If you gave me a choice between obesity and Parisrexia (derivative of anorexia) then of course I'd choose the latter but come on! What is to be lusted after when all you can see is a bag of bones? The worse part is when the arch their back and you can see the whole spine just protruding out of their fragile skin. If I were I guy, I'd be too afraid I might break them to be able to get in any ass-spanking sex. And I seriously don't mean it in a dirty way, I'm just asking you the rationale behind all this craze for stick-thin figures that is chiefly driven by shallow tasteless men.
Some women might protest by saying they were born "petite" but ladies, sticking a finger down your throat after every meal DOES NOT in any way count as "born with". like, hello~! I know petite when I see one and petite definitely does not have scapula and clavicles sticking out of their shoulder. Seriously. And since anybody willing to put themselves through such pain to look a certain way *knock knock*OTHER PEOPLE dictate you should look must either be crazy, dumb or both, I think I should add in another pointer.
Sticking anything other than your finger down your throat to get the same effect does not count either.
I'm actually ashamed by how much these scheming weight-loss agencies what gained in the past decade. Not only does it show the ridiculous amount of food people gobble down, this also proves how much our intelligence have went down. I've heard these "weight gurus" at work and honestly, half a brain and a pass in your high school science subject is all it takes to look through the idiocy of it all. Fat that mysteriously disappears overnight?! Foreign enzymes that have no other affect in your body except burning all the unflattering fat away?! The magic wipe that melts you fat straight into your blood stream and gets flushed out of your body when you next crap!? If life were this simple, you'd die from a massive heart attack beforehand, caused by the almighty fat that you burned away from your waist and was transported to your heart. Idiots! Are you so altruistic that you've donated all your IQ to the smart burn-unsightly-fat-only enzyme?!
Wow, I actually managed to write quite a lot.

You Can't Tell Me It's Not Worth Dying For

2007-12-05T21:28:00.001+08:00

I was observing the joys of childhood and youthfulness (traits that are extremely hard to avoid at my job) and I couldn't help but grieve my loss of it. However, I'm quite determined to never fall into the depths of that depression again so here's to my will power!
I really hope it does not fail me. So here I am, wishing that the movements of my fingers will cease the workings of my brain.
I don't have anything to write. My life is so mundane that it's a shame. Wow, the previous sentence rhymes! Anyway, I was thinking that I might indulge whoever cares to read my posts to venture farther and maybe read some wonderful writings that I enjoy. I know I sound really old but let's face it, I've long passed my days of youth.
Two of my favourite styles of writings are classic and chic lit. I know there cannot be anything quite as different as these two but believe me, there's a very good mix. It's like rap music and country, they are the perfect compliments and complement of each other. After the classics have left you serious and sober, there's nothing better than letting your brain go to waste on some chic lit that requires the lowest amount of thinking possible. For classics, I recommend books by the Bronte sisters and of course, no female can call themselves classical book readers and not read Jane Austen. I'm currently reading Emma and I can't believe how much I enjoy it. To be honest, I was expecting myself to read it only when I'm absolutely bored out of my bujeezers but I find myself actually feeling agitated when something or somebody distracts me from my read!
When the sun shines we shine together~ Told you I'll be here forever~ *can't help not singing, I'm listening to it now*
Oh, we can move on to my next favourite thing -- music! Honestly, I suck at it. I can't sing I can't play any instrument (yet) but I really think our lives will be wanting so much if it were not for music. The reason I put a "yet" there is because I'm learning drumming right now! Haha, I'm so proud of myself for finally acting on my desires. Just you wait guys, I'll be rocking next to Tommy Lee in no time. Well, not really.... I don't recall whether I've already said it here or not but to be honest, before going for my first lesson I was sooooo sure that the teacher will look at me with jaws dropped and say "Oh my god, you must be Mozart reincarnate!"
Unfortunately, unless Mozart really really really extremely unforgivably SUCKED at drumming, there's no way I can be his reincarnation or anywhere near his descendants. But you know.... Life's like that, right? Don't give up and don't back down. Since I fancy myself to be having a lot of free time (which I don't really cause of my work and my reading and my drumming and my having to decide which laptop I want to buy and my fixed time devoted to Ellen-ing), I've also taken up the task of trying to give myself the abs of Gwen. Oh, that can be my new tag line! Abs of Gwen! Unfortunately (again) that couldn't and wouldn't possibly happen anytime soon either. To give you a hint of why this is so, let my enlighten you on what I just ate for dinner an hour ago.
Butter naan with butter chicken and chicken briyani rice and apple cake and mangoes and yogurt drink and I really should end this sentence now.
So, while anybody else aspiring for the Abs of Gwen can fly ahead in their jets and Lambos, I'll just follow behind leisurely on my kap chai motorcycle.
To console myself, at least I don't suck so much at reading. On another note, please will you all pray that my job will no longer find my service necessary so that I can quit ASAP?

Put The Blame On.... Definitely Not Me

2007-12-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

Hello fat pigs and goats~ the holly mama is back! I'm officially in the house!
Like duh~ how would I be writing this if I'm not sitting at my PC which (again) duh~ happens to be IN my house? Not like I have a laptop or something.
Did you just say laptop? Oh, NO (waving a disapproving finger) you did en't!
I just bummed my whole day today thinking bout laptops! Like seriously.
I had my whole day planned out before laptops came to mind! It was breezy and sunny (at least in my mind... the actual weather sucks) and I thought "Ah~ what a day! I should go running!" (because I ate soooo much last night that my guilt-processor is in hyper-drive) and since my mom has been bugging me to go back to KDU and grab my results slip, I thought well since it's a jolly day, I shall go there grab those annoying things and go catch a movie with Pat after that! So I sat around a little bit and got too lazy to go running which made me postpone my whole go gym then go KDU plan but alas, I did manage to do some running. Afterwards, it was way too late for me to go to the office but of course, that shouldn't stand in the way of me and my lovely arcade so there I was, ready to go on as planned but noooo~ Something called the PC Fair had to pop into my dad's brain and nooo~ we had to go there together hence making me car-less and officially pooping all my plans.
And believe you me, I wouldn't be complaining so much if the trip was in any way beneficial. Instead of coming home enlightened and determined, I came back with a headache and too much knowledge (which I don't appreciate) and even more greed! If things chose a day in my life to go wrong, it must have been today.
Seriously!
Do we really need laptops? Looking at all the things at PC Fair just now, I felt certain I must have dropped out of a time machine one way or another, konked my head on something, had amnesia and mysteriously got warped into this foreign life. Maybe that'll explain why i virtually have no childhood memories save the ones I see from pictures! Eureka! I knew I'm smart but sometimes, I even surprise myself man.
OK, it's officially. Watching Ellen DeGeneres on a daily basis is taking its toll on me. But I haven't felt this cheerful in a long time!
I seriously can't decide which to get. It's so confusing with all the numbers and shiny things and argh!!! At first I was dead set on Apple 'cause it looks oh so droolingly cool but then I see this HP Pavilion (the one I'm checking out is the DV6601TX, in case any of you are interested) and I thought wooooh! And the best part is, it has like 70% of the apple coolness in terms of looks. But of course the software from Apple kicks freedom ass. They might be monopolizing and all that shit but for what they offer, it's good.
However, the rational side of me is making it hard to ignore the fact that the HP I'm eyeing comes with a separate graphic card plus like 130GB of extra hard disk space and also more RAM than the Apple. Oh, the torments of life!
Plus there's also the fact that Slur uses Apple and as her namesake, she's slur! So you know, to actually be using something that Slur uses kinda like makes me feel I'm going slur too.
Decisions, decisions, decisions.

PS: The prices are similar so don't use that card on me.
PPS: Miss you to bits Slurrie!!

錯愛你放棄你太愛你誰願意

2007-11-20T21:33:00.000+08:00

woooo~ I played basketball yesterday for the first time in a very very long time! Haha, man I had the time of my life. Seriously.
OK, I actually did some warm up playing on Sunday morning but that can't really count as playing because some useless bugger stood me up and I ended up just shooting some hoops and not getting to play at all. But boy am I glad I went to warm up on Sunday because if I didn't, I really don't even want to imagine what my performance on the Monday (that thankfully didn't happen) would be. I'm so out of touch from the ball that I've loss the sense of it!
But still, we had a great game and we won!
And of course this time the bugger didn't stand me up. Which is fortunate for her because if she did then I'll have her head as an apology.
Anyway, like Saffron reminded me, our game yesterday was very much like the game we played last year. When we went into the match against TAR we were so freaking scared of the out come I was seriously nervous as though I was back in high school and we were going into our final against PCGHS. But of course, since their main players didn't play we ended up trashing them.
This time around, their main players did play but we still won by a respectable margin because HAHAHAHAHA our "sai lang" was so great!
Whoo hooo~ Thank god I took leave from my work to go play man. Hope another opportunity like this comes up again some time soon.

I've Got Too Much Life, Running Through My Veins, Going To Waste

2007-11-13T12:29:00.000+08:00

Do you think every person is given a definite number of heartbeats for a lifetime?
Maybe a billion beats and your heart will stop. No, evolution is not done yet but at least it's inclusive. Maybe a billion beats each with a certain magnitude.
This would mean that for those athletes with a low resting pulse rate, they'll get to live longer because their hearts have to work less on normal times. But on the other hand, their hearts are subject to vigorous use during their training hours which would mean that... well, maybe the lower resting pulse rate compensates for the time they have to work hard hence they end up having an average life span as long as other factors don't come into the equation.
Which might also explain why healthy and fit footballers drop dead for no apparent reason at all. Maybe they've overused their share of heartbeats. Maybe they were unfortunate and were given a lower number of beats to begin with... life ain't always fair. In fact, it never is.
That would also mean people who meditate will eventually live longer. Which is kind of true. But then scientifically we don't know if they live longer because their hearts don't use up all the reserve beats or for other reasons. One thing we do know is that people with lower heartbeats tend to live longer although these two issues cannot be tied together as definite. There are too many reasons to die (and it seems as if there ain't enough reasons to live).
This also brings to mind the case of the periodic exercisers. These are people who exercise every once in a blue moon when they think a day of vigorous work out will be able to trick the weighing machine about their past ingestions. Does this mean that because they won't have a lower resting pulse rate at normal times AND they subject their hearts to hard pumping at other times, they'll eventually live shorter lives?
Could it be that if you're not gonna do exercise until you reach a point of lower resting pulse rate, you better off not exercising at all?
But with all due respect, I would much rather risk not definite the shorter life span than being 1) out of shape 2) obese 3) have high cholesterol levels in my blood which will DEFINITELY lead to heart attacks. So for those of you looking for reasons to not go to the gym, this isn't it.
I'm merely speculating.
On th case of the dying footballers, another speculation (from me so don't take it too seriously) is that their heart rhythms might have accidentally been affected during hard collisions. We know for a fact that their hearts are already working very hard during matches and that some times, the struggle for the ball might get a little rough so there is a possibility that one might get struck on the chest during the struggle. A hard blow to the correct (or incorrect) area might cause the already drained heart some confusion hence causing it to go into cardiac arrhythmia. This might not be apparent at first but when the body is asking for so much, even a minor alteration will seem significant and cause a heart attack. Could it be?
You might not bother about all this but why these people who seem to be the epitome of health can just fall dead is beyond me and it really bugs me.

First You Say You Won't. ThenYou Say You Will

2007-10-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

I see a lot of blogs are really themed and I can't help but realize how much of a mess mine is. But I like it this way. It shows my true colours.
I don't normally say what I want to or feel face to face so this is probably one of the rare places where I'm free to speak my mind and be sure to not have an audience. Even so, I'm too paranoid to actually cut all the strings.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if for one day of your life you were allowed to say everything you wanted to say. Just let go of everything and blabber away. Gosh, that'd be so nice. I guess that's something that'll only happen in my dreams. No holds barred nothing to lose and nothing to gain situation. Like seriously, you aren't talking for anything except to get your heart out.
Chasing dreams.
I don't think closure is something I'll be able to achieve.

Dying Is The Day Worth Living For

2007-10-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

Is there something wrong with me? Like seriously. And I don't count being paranoid or extremely lame as "something wrong"... Or are they?
I've been reading this book on the Clinical Years of studying medicine and I know it's a reallllly long way to go before I reach that (Clinicals start in year 3, for those of you who are less informed) but you know, my dad's friend gave the book to me as an unintended spur of the moment gift and I just finished my Roald Dahl book so I guess there's nothing in my way to stop me.
So OK, here's the thing. In the book, the first chapter is how to conduct an interview/consultation with the patient to access what's wrong or "not right" with him/her in an acceptable and respectable way. One of the tips they give is empathy and understanding. To get off on the right foot, we're advised to put ourselves in their shoes and try to remember the last time we had to visit the doctors because we had a "not right" situation ourselves.
That is the part that really gets me. I've never sat in a waiting room before, I've never been to the doctors (unless you consider wasting time in my dad's office because I forgot my house keys and can't find anyone to give me a set) and I most definitely have never felt the kind of anticipation and fear or palpitations in my palms as a result of it.
So does that make me "not right" by itself? Is it wrong to not have been subjected to such examination before?
More importantly, does my lack of that experience compromise my future ability to interact on that level? Like seriously, I'm not too well known for my empathetic skills and I highly doubt I could summon up a mysterious amount of empathy from thin air.
Am I weird?

It's A Shame There's No One To Blame For All The Pain That Life Brings

2007-10-19T22:26:00.000+08:00

“How would you like to live forever?” asked Ski.

“I think it’s pretty ridiculous. What would you do for forever?”

“It seems cool. I would play basketball forever.”

I rolled my eyes. “Uh huh, so even when you’re 300 years old with creaking knees and no teeth at all, you’re still going to play basketball under the sun and run around chasing the ball? When will you retire from your job, assuming that someone would want to hire a 300-year-old grandma?”

Ski turned to face me, her facial expression hidden by the shadow of the leaves above our heads. From all the time we’ve spent together, I already know she’s going to once again start her lecture about being more optimistic and romantic and stop thinking about all the technical problems in dreaming. If time permitted, she would also go into her lecture about just enjoying life and not worry about careers or all the strains and pains of the adult world.

“Hei! What you guys waiting for? Come on! We need 2 more players to play 5-5!” came Link’s voice from the basketball court.

“Stop wasting time there and let’s play some ball, you guys!” shouted Bel, as if she was afraid Link’s voice wasn’t loud enough to wake up the whole world.

As I rushed to join them, I couldn’t help myself from smiling. I stopped for a while and looked up at the sky; the rays of sunlight were casting a warm glow on us as the clouds glided slowly with the wind.

This is my life. A large portion of it is spent with my 3 best friends as we talk about life, world news and everything under the sun, but mostly our conversation circles around who’s dating who and the weight of everyone we know. We play basketball to pass our time when the weather warranted. We’re high school students but we don’t seem to find a meaning in studying until the very last second before exam begins. In short, we are everything teenagers should be and everything parents wish their children won’t grow up to become.

George Bernard Shaw said “Youth is wasted on the young.” And I couldn’t agree more. But quite frankly, I couldn’t care less. We don’t have work; we don’t have a family to feed or deadlines to meet. Time is the only thing we could callously spend at our own desire. That was four months before I learned my first lesson on time. It was only four months later that I began my journey on discovering how a second in a person’s life could change the story of so many lives.

Xxxxx

People say that when you’re sixteen, you make your debut into society and finally dip your hands into the future you’re going to be living out. Indeed we had our future laid out before us, the possibilities only limited by our own abilities and desires.

July 17^th year 2004. It was a glorious Saturday morning unlike the other mornings we have been waking up to for the past couple of weeks. For once in so many days, my morning wasn’t accompanied by the roaring of thunders and the sound of raindrops splattering upon the windows. I found myself sitting once again under the same tree I sat four months ago, only this time I was alone, waiting for Ski and Link’s arrival. I took a glance at my watch. 23 minutes pass the time we agreed to meet up, at least another 7 minutes until the time when they would actually show up. Malaysian punctuality, something we could truly be proud of.

Just as leaned back to enjoy the occasional silence I was granted, Avril Lavigne’s voice jolted me back to reality. I picked up the phone to hear someone sobbing and an ambulance wailing in the background. I was ready to say “wrong number” and put the phone down when to my utter surprise, Link’s voice came from the other end of the line. “Niyi, it’s me. Look, we have an emergency here. Can you call your father and ask him to get the emergency room at his hospital ready for two patients?”

A little panicked and doubtful, I asked “What’s going on here? Why is there an ambulance?”

I would never forget the sights and sounds that followed that conversation in the next couple of hours. A few dazed actions later, I had my father waiting at the hospital as my mom fetched me there. Another glance at my watch, 16 minutes since Link called me. I can’t believe this is happening. We were only 16 years old.

As I stepped through the sliding doors at the hospital’s entrance, I couldn’t help but give a cold shiver as I remembered all the people crying along the corridors every time I came to find my father in his office. Having been here a great number of times, I found myself in the Emergency Ward with no trouble at all. I looked at the chairs at the beds, not a single familiar face. At that point, I didn’t know whether I should give out a sigh of relief or grief that my friends aren’t there yet. I paced up and down the white corridor when my phone rang again.

“Where are you? I’m at the X-ray department?” said Link.

“Coming. Be there in 2 minutes.”

I dashed down the corridors that seemed similar to each other until I finally arrived at where Link was, sitting nervously on the floor. To my horror, her basketball jersey was stained with blood. In fact, almost all clothing and bags lying beside her was stained a dark red colour. She looked up at me. That was the first time I’ve seen her cry since I met her years ago. Although the stench of blood was strong about her, I waved it away as I ran to give her a consoling hug. Until that point, I still had no idea how horrible the accident was.

Not too long after that, Ski came out of the X-Ray room lying on a bed. Her leg was all wrapped up but the only thing I could do was stare at her. Looking at her face that just looked back at me as if I was about to give an answer to life’s greatest mystery. Sadly, all I could do was look. And then she spoke. The line that broke the silence and also my heart.

“I could see my bone. It’s so white… but it was very red too.”

xxxxx

It has been 3 years since that incident occurred. Ski took a long time to recover and came back to accompany us at the basketball court briefly but when something like that happens, no amount of dreaming or laughing can really bring things back to normal. We no longer play together nowadays. I because the game seems to have lost its appeal and she because of the injuries she suffered that morning. Bel is too busy to play these days and she rarely even keeps in touch with the rest of us.

Isn’t it strange that so long after everything has happened, I finally want to live forever. No, I want to play with my friends forever the game that I love the most. And when I do finally die, I want to be all used up. I want to not be able to move a single muscle because I’ve lived to my heart’s content and have nothing left in me. We go through life trying to find ourselves and our true friends but in truth, life isn’t about finding it. It’s about creating it. We found ourselves on that court under the clear blue sky so many years ago. But nobody told us we could lose what we found and so we let go and now it’s gone. So what’s left now is for us to create a future that nobody can steal from us. We have to create ourselves.

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'

PS: I know this post would have been a lot better had I not deleted most of it but it was too hard for me to post such personal things here and I apologise.

I Do I Do

2007-10-19T12:23:00.001+08:00

You know how my perfect and awesome brain always works and tinkers away at thoughts until finally I come up with very plausible (though unscientific nor useful) theories?
Well, I have a new one now! It's something that'll touch Farhan deeply and give an insight to what mankind has deemed a problem since the age of Caesar. Yes my dear audience, it started since the time when a knight stared into his shining shield and noticed the bald spot on his head.
This is a revolutionary theory about men's hair!
You know that theory by Einstein that about conservation of energy and how it cannot be made nor destroyed but merely transfered from one to another in the form of energy or mass?
Will, let's just say he made an incredible discovery without even realizing it as he stared into the mirror while contemplating how to comb his unruly hair. When men bald, where does all that hair go?
According to the law of conservation of energy, you can't destroy mass or energy, merely transfer it. So when you look at an aging male with a shining head, look closer and you'll know where the energy was transfered to. Look really really closely. Look at his ears and his nose and his arms and chest.
Lo and behold, the answer!
Why, when men get older, do they start getting hair growth in all the wrong places?
Had they always have these irregular growths but being young, chose to trim them for the sake of beauty? Or did these hair miraculous sprout up as the hair on top of their head reduced in number?
Well, you can't really blame the hair follicles for migrating because when you think about it, it's in their genes. Haven't it always been the innate nature to flee when the going gets tough?
Those hair up there probably woke up one day and thought "Hey, why should I work so hard under the sun when I can just up and leave?" and poof it goes.
Things have always been that way, haven't it? Going gets tough, the tough gets going.... and most of the men just sit at the sideline with beer cans on their beer bellies and shout "You go girl!".
So there you have it. My theory on why men get bald supported by the law of conservation of energy that says "Thou shat not be destroyed... but I won't stop thee from fleeing".

In An Ideal World Kids Would Keep Their Rooms Tidy

2007-10-18T12:35:00.000+08:00

I've had enough of the females are fairer sex weaker beings lower life form bullshit already. What's so bad about being a female?!?
Sure we have our biological faults like having periods and all things evil associated with it and also the misfortune of having to (under some circumstances) carry another being in our body for 9 horrible months but let us consider the other facts too.
Let's start of with the good part of being female.
Guys have to open the door for us. Well, at least the guys that place a head which contains a brain (will get to this later) on top of their neck. Regardless of how feminist and what not I am, I believe that guys SHOULD open the door for girls. And my feminist feelings notwithstanding, guys should NEVER hit girls either. Run and shame yourself if you ever come across a psychotic woman but NEVER hit them unless you're trying to protect someone.
Then we are allowed to shop till we drop without being called a sissy cause it's just what we're supposed to do, right? And then we can eat our hearts out when we're feeling blue cause that's just our coping mechanism! It's not like we want to but it's in our genes! And let's not forget being able to lash out at others once a month and shrug it off by blaming it on PMS.
Now here are the less glorious but still true parts. For starters, when we're peeing using the sitting type of toilet bowls, we can tie our shoe laces at the same time! Or any other work that requires the use of our hands. Really, I'm serious! I know it doesn't really cure cancer or AIDS but think about it, you're in the loo and suddenly you notice your tie is messed up. If you're a woman you just go "Oh, there you go." and fix it. But if you're a guy you to finish peeing, wash your hands and then only fix it! And if you don't wash your hands after you pee then I hope nobody ever.... EVER! touches anything you did.
What else... Oh, and here comes our luck for NOT being the other sex!
First of all, some mysterious part of our gene does not dictate that crushing beer cans on our forehead and farting (and burping) extremely loudly and laughing at our antics while sniffing the fart is what civilized people would do. I mean seriously, being able to do so many retarded things at the very same time is a feat worthy of admiration but is that really what millions and billions of years of evolution have led to? Is this really the epitome of the intelligent being?!
And secondly, we females don't feel the need to constantly reach downwards and check that our genitals are still in place because god forbid that it might have ran away while we were busy sniffing other people's fart while struggling to open beer cans. While I was in Bali, I went to a temple filled with monkeys and one of them was just sitting there all high and mighty with that laid-back air to itself and just watching the people pass by and scratching his balls! At that very moment, I couldn't for the life of me deny the similarities between that monkey and its supposedly more intelligent big brother!
While I'm still on the subject of genitals, let me also rejoice in the fact that females do not feel the need to give names to their private parts like "My Little Brother" or stuffs along that line.
Oh, and speaking of peeing just now. We also should be happy that we don't have to constantly put up the seat just to pee. And I really don't get this next part. How can they be such sharp shooters in everything ranging from arcade games to sports and other stuffs but suck so terribly when it comes to trying to pee at the right place! And I'm not even gonna mention the type of men who just simply pee by the road as if he was some stray dog!
But I guess they just suck when it comes to taking care of their Lil' Bro which is inevitably proven by how prone they're to "miss aim" and stick their member into the wrong hole which we civilized people would much rather call having an affair instead of "sowing their wild oats" or "proving their manliness" or crappy shit like that. If they had tails I'm sure 50% of the male population would walk with it between their legs for fear of us females realizing how weak they really are and finally decide we've had enough of their shit.
So, are you still sad of being a female even after so much persuasion?

My Country Is Dying

2007-10-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

I guess I've been whining for no reason at all lately. My problems and dilemmas are nothing compared to the plight of my people.
They beg on the street and live in fear of anything associated to authority. They hate, despise, loath..... Basically any word that describes a negative feeling of intense degree can be used to depict their feeling towards those who wield power over the nation. I refuse to call those bastards a "government" because clearly, they're nothing more than cruel wardens who promoted themselves to take charge of a prison filled with innocent convicts. The only kinds of emotion they evoke in me are those of hate and anger.
Any effort to overthrow such cruelty is met with a titanium fist hell-bent on keeping the country on its knees. Any brave soul who dares to show resilience risk having his entire family wiped off the face of earth overnight. Those who speak out dare not show themselves for fear of the stories whispered among our own people. For decades, my people have suffered under such oppression of human rights and freedom to live. The country that they love is existing on life-support and the machine is failing. For all the sufferings my people have endured... The world watches and waits.
For years I had a favorable opinion of Bush and was for the War in Iraq as I thought he initiated it in a justifiable effort to maintain peace. He invaded and took over such a violent and dangerous region with the force and power his country holds and I thought him to be a saint. But now I see they were right. He was really just after the petroleum. Anybody who was so concerned over world peace would not stand by with their arms crossed when they have the power to save my country with the snap of their fingers.
Burma is dying, and he looks.
It seems that in his world, the only fault my country ever did is to not produce the all valuable black gold. So monks get beaten up, disrobed and insulted to the highest degree as a consequence of the greed of the rest of the world. Protesters who only wish to love their country are shot down like crooks or animals, shipped away on trucks in the dead of night to be slaughtered after hours of torture. Those who escaped are welcomed by poverty and a serious absence of life's necessities. They don't face a shortage. They simply do not have any of it.
My heart aches as I watch the symbols of faith that I respect and honor used by the real villains as doormats but all I can do is keep on watching. I regret not being in a position which allows me to do something about this situation but I regret even more the people who can make all this turn around but refuse to do so. I love the monks and I love my religion, our religion. Their religion. Knowing that Burma is a Buddhist country, I can hardly believe what I see as I know those people wiping their feet on the monks' robes are Buddhists themselves. I don't normally curse people but I sure as hell don't wish those bastards well.
Politics and negotiations don't work in the land called Burma. The only thing the military bows to is stronger weapons. So the UN should just stopped sending envoys over and start making plans to take my country by storm if they're really sincere about wanting to help. All other effort is just for show and they know it too. They're just trying to trick the fortunate citizens of the world who aren't aware of the atrocities in Burma.
Every single one of you who reads this won't understand how this feels and you must all think I'm being a drama queen. But I do feel all the hate flow through me as every time I hear those monsters mentioned. None of you will understand what it feels like to not have a country, and identity. I don't live there nor was I born or raised there but that is the only place that will call me its own. That's my motherland.

Rock Yourself To Sleep

2007-10-10T14:01:00.000+08:00

Kids do a lot of things to get some attention and unfortunately, they normally do really stupid stuffs. And then sometimes there are those people who are just so pathetic that they resort to unforgivable measures to get people as pathetic as them to give 'em a second glance. I guess it all boils down to your level of patheticness and maturity.
We should learn to sympathize with 'em.
Some people like to throw insults and unjustified remarks at others hoping it will stick. Rumors full of slander emerge as a result of their own incapability to get others to look at them for the right reasons.
On the other hand, they are others who resort to self-mutilation and other sorts of self-abuses. Say what you want about me but I seriously like this type a lot better. At least it has nothing to do with me. Besides, if they really do get physical injuries than it very beneficial to my future profession. I'm glad nobody has decided to ban inhumane people from applying to study medicine. But really, I ain't really that bad.
It's just a matter of opinion. In MY opinion (which is the subject we're discussing in this blog), I think this planet is suffering from a serious overpopulation of the human race and hence any effort to reduce the bottom rung on the ladder of the gene pool is an effort worthy to be considered for a peace prize. Of course, you'll only be nominated if you actually succeed.
We all know any species that try to compete for anything with us Homo sapiens are just looking for trouble and risking their existence on this planet. To most people, proving the human being's superiority over other species seems to be their raison d'etre and they couldn't really care less if others have to suffer for this. It's just stupid.
I think a penguin or a puppy has 100 times more reason to live than a junkie who goes around begging for food and money during daytime and go get high or rape kids during the night. And people who could do horrible things such as the monstrosity done towards Nurin are the perfect ingredient to be used for pig feed. Seriously, just grind 'em up and feed 'em to the dogs. Why else would the almighty (nonexistent) being sitting up there in the clouds send 'em to Earth?
Fuck 'em all.
Oh, and unfortunately, I wasn't really going through a period of "down"ness when I wrote the previous article. I was just giving a piece of my mind because that's how I feel. I feel like this most of the time so I doubt we can call it a "moment". It's more like a chronic disease. Well, at least I'm not dying from it.
Come to think about it. Maybe I'd feel better if I was actually DYING from it. Ironic.
I bet by the time I graduate, I'll already be asking myself when I stopped laughing like an idiot and started becoming an idiot.
Piece of advice to anybody who would care for one: Be rich and successful.
The way I see things, the people who hate you will hate you regardless but at least that way, they can only HATE you but wouldn't have the resource or the authority to do anything about it. And who said money didn't rule the world?

The devil in my pocket turned to god.

How Long Do You Wanna Be Loved?

2007-10-07T17:29:00.000+08:00

I just realised something really profound! Do you get how much longer I have to live before I die?! Heck! We aren't supposed to die until we're 70 or something!
What the heck am I supposed to do with all this time? Call me an ass for not appreciating this life when kids around me are dropping dead by the minute but seriously, forever just ain't my style. It's just depressing! And they wonder why people get suicidal!
A generation is measured by 25 years each and on average, we're supposed to be able to live to play with our grandchildren, right? I'm not even over my generation yet and believe me, I feel like I've lived enough. So that means I have one fifth of my generation and another 2 more generations to go. Are you getting the numbers?
Can you hear me?
That's another 55 years. What can we possibly do to fill in all that time? How can anybody possibly say we just don't live long enough??! What else do you have to do?!
We live long enough. In fact, we live too long. It's the youth that doesn't last long enough. Look at me, I'm not even past my generation and yet I'm waiting for my death like some invalid lying on a bed underneath the dark gray sky. This is so wrong.
Evolution is ever evolving. Duh, it's called evolution for a reason! So maybe we aren't perfect yet. Maybe we will better ourselves to stop living so long. When are we ever gonna sleep our last? Maybe I should be a rock star or something cause according to some survey, I should die around 30+ that way, which, to me, is the right age to die.
To all of you out there dreading eternal damnation or waiting to living infinitely in Heaven with 99 virgins around you: Wake up!
One thing's for sure, that's not my cup of milk. So take your heaven and hell and go through those big pearly gates as you please but please just leave my mortal soul alone. Just like Death Cab For Cutie sang,
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied;
Illuminate the "No"s on their Vacancy signs.
So here I sit. Depressed and darker than ever, counting down the days till I die.

Take me by the hand and tell me you would take me anywhere.

Forget Your Sorrows

2007-10-03T20:14:00.000+08:00

Today I was mobbed by a group of 3 year olds. Literally!
First one boy called Elwin decided to be cute and come sit on my lap (we were all sitting on the floor) and when another girl saw this she just thought "Oh, this must be the cue to get on stage." and pushed Elwin aside and sat on my lap too. Of course, being 3 years old and all, nobody really taught Elwin the meaning of the word "gentleman" and besides, I was closer to him because I often accompany him while he waits for his mommy and so, he made a ruckus about it which attracted the attention of the remaining students.
It's not everyday kids get to sit on a teacher's lap so you can probably guess what happened next.
Of course, despite all my excess flesh and "insulation", there really isn't any space for ALL of them to sit so some kids started getting fresh and climbed on my back!
And so the back was occupied too but there was still one kid remaining and introducing the genius -- he clings to my arms like a monkey.
A little later the 4 year old kids came down and a few of them who I often play with saw all of this and that's probably when all hell broke lose.
Soon I was sitting one second then lying on the floor the other with 5 kids on top of me. And the next I would be rolled over and played with like a doll! They were practically hanging on to my hair for crying out loud.
Then some of them wanted me to tickle them and play with them so not only was I being treated as a doormat, I even had legs and arms being shoved into my face so that I would take notice and start tickling them! The audacity of them all!
Me being me, I didn't have the power to reject nor the strength to scold so there I sat being toyed with by kids who don't even reach my waist. Fortunately, salvation came in the form of another mean looking teacher with a wooden ruler in her hand.
But seriously, even I get creep-ed out by the Mean One. They should stop treating kids as punching bags of anger-venting-dolls!

2007-10-02T21:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you sail through life without a storm cloud in sight and suddenly an ice-berg comes out of no where and sinks you like lead. All the time you've been keeping your eyes on the storm and preparing for it and it never happens but instead, you sink over an idiotic piece of ice! Just imagine how Titanic must have felt.
Sometimes you have these debilitating (mental) diseases and it all seems to have been cured and passed but suddenly you start seeing the signs and symptoms creep up on you like the shadow from Shakespeare's "Life's Brief Candle". You kick it 3 times in the shin and stomped on it and think "Well, that's the end of it." but no, it all comes back to haunt you.
Try as you might to keep the obvious harm out of your face, the even more obvious ones that we never care to notice often knock the wind out of you. Ironic.

Note to self: Don't go anywhere near Tao for the next one of two years.

And all his yesterdays have lighted fools,
Away to dusty death.

Wonder Why I Keep Opening Them...

2007-09-20T21:53:00.000+08:00

You know all those stupid Friendster bulletins and chain-mails that claims stuff like it's so true and this and that? Well, I've done a lot of thinking... And I mean A LOT! Here are some questions I really hope someone will help me answer.
1) When you read those mails that say "Oh my god it really works etc etc" and go on to give examples of how this woman fell on her face and died or how a man choked to death on banana skin, don't you ever wonder who writes how they died after they disobeyed they mail IF they're really dead? I really don't want to touch the subject of (the non-existent) ghosts.
2) When the whole mail is filled with stories about all those examples, can you just delete those examples and forward the remaining parts because basically if everyone obeyed the chain-letter in the first place all those examples won't be there right?
3) Is there like a "Chain-Letter Handbook" that determines what parts can and can not be deleted? If it does exist then who wrote it?
4) Is there really anybody out there who seriously believes in chain-letters? Like seriously! Oh wait, so many people believe in ghosts that anything is possible... (=_=")
5) What if I'm a really slow reader and by the time I finish reading the whole mail, the given time period to forward those mails is already up? Does it count as I disobeyed or those the whatever all-mighty force guiding and giving punishments understand the difficulties of slow readers?
6) How do you press F6 back in the days when you don't have a computer or the internet? You know... those mails always say "Press F6 afterwards and the name of your crush will appear on the screen bla bla bla".
7) Those mails always say if you send it or don't send it, something good / bad will happen at midnight and shit like that. Well, to tell you the truth, I usually sleep at 10pm or maybe 11. What happens then? Does the crush that was supposed to confess to me suddenly get a light bulb moment and decide to call me at a more godly hour or do I miss the chance of my life?
Dang, I need some answers quick!

I'm Like A Cat!

2007-09-16T18:02:00.000+08:00

I hate cats.....
Thoughts I'm having right now about going to uni.
What if I hate the people there?
What if I hang out with this group of people on arrival (you know how new schools are, you meet new people and get yourself into a clique bla bla) and realise later that I hate them?
By then it'd probably be too late to change groups, right?
What if nobody in my class likes playing DDR and Percussion Master?
What if my new friends don't appreciate lame jokes?
What if they're uptight I-only-wanna-study stereotypical medic students?
Oh my god, I already hate those people there. What if I hate the surrounding? I'll run all the way back to my house!

Can you imagine how much worse I'll be when it's actually time to go there?

Revelation!!!

2007-09-16T11:36:00.000+08:00

I stole a box of cigs from Jac to make her quit smoking (partly helping her to cut down) and that box has been lying around in my room for quite some time so just now I was really really bored out of my boards so I thought why not take a drag? And I did. And here are a few things I found out.
First is that people say smoking takes your mind away from things because well, with one hand holding the death-machine and the other hand waving futilely to get the smoke out of your face, you don't really have much time to think about most stuffs.
Two, for the inexperienced nose, the smell of burning smoke smells exactly like a piece of paper that's burning.
Lastly, the only reason it relieves stress is because between the waving and the thinking how all that smoke is filling up your lungs and bringing you closer to death mile by mile, you kinda realise you're not that significant in this world after all.
So all I have to say is do what you want, just don't make me waste my energy waving your toxic release out of my face.

I Sailed My Ship of Safety Till I Sank It

2007-09-12T12:47:00.000+08:00

Oh my god. This is depressing.
Everybody is going their ways doing what they should be doing and gaining new experiences and living their lives. What am I doing?
Waiting.
For what?
Nothing. Half a year from now I'd still be living in Malaysia and I'll still be the same as I was yesterday. Well, maybe I'd be a little more pessimistic and skeptic and depressed on the whole but nothing else will change. Can my insides get any more dark and twisty than they are now?

The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine.

I Lost

2007-09-11T21:24:00.000+08:00

I woke up on the morning of Sept 10th and felt there was something missing. I picked up my phone and realised it was a piece of my heart that I won't reunite with for another a year.
Tonight, I shall go to bed knowing full well that when I wake up tomorrow, another piece of my heart shall be halfway across the world.

We lose so much of ourselves each day that I'm amazed we're still breathing.... and when we put our palms over our chest, I'm surprised to feel something beating inside.
I started this page because I was heart broken that Mae left for Russia.
I still am. Yet at the same time, I'm not. Maybe this means I've grown up?
Isn't growing up a part of breaking hearts? Or is it the other way around?
Both occurrences happen so often that it's hard to differentiate one from the other. Do we leave because we love? Do we love because we leave? Do we hurt because love leaves? Do we hurt because love stays?

What now? Where do we go from here? Han's mom said that at our age, we're at a T-junction with a "No U-Turn" signs blinking in the neon-lit sky. We can turn left or right but we can't ever go back. Her words put me in an awkward position because she voiced the innermost fear I've had for the past few years.
What do we do when we can't go back? Not "if", because this is no longer a mater of probability. We're passed that stage 3 light years ago. Now we're like bed-ridden seniors lying on the bed just waiting for the inevitable death to arrive. Only we're the reverse of them. We're reluctant teenagers standing in line waiting for life to begin.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.  And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.  And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

 -- Elizabeth Bishop