A Selfish Kind of Love

It's going to be exam time soon! But the one on Tues is only a formative so relax la~
Maybe not too much but come on, if we're gonna study every time something like this happens, can you imagine how horrible our lives are going to be?
Myior was saying something about us going to hell when we die cause of the sky-bridge stuffs but honestly, I feel like we're already in academic hell.
There isn't much to report. I got a horrible hair cut. That's one. Of course I'm not going to elaborate about it.
The past few days have been so hot I was starting to think I've actually descended from acdemic hell into the flames and pitch fork hell! Can you believe that it was actually 33 degrees the other night? NIGHT??
And please realise that I don't have air con in my room. It's horrible!
But that was the few nights when I really appreciated my (no water heater) shower. I haven't been to the gym lately. I'm feeling so fat. OK, not just feeling. I know the truth la you don't have to make it so obvious!
Slurrie, if you look carefully you'll see the plate on the table. That Arab restaurant was extremely awesome and you can be sure I'm not losing any weight here. And Farhan!!!! I'm gonna go gym tomorrow!! By the way this is Adnan's birthday and he would be the only guy in the pic. Oh yeah~ the upper right most girl's name is Stella and although she looks normal here, she's not.
Hint: Her theme song is "This is the short Stella~ ella~ ella~ ella~ a~ a~ a~".
The amount of people that came when they heard there was going to be great food.
If I'm not mistaken his name is Mr Muscle. If I'm not mistaken la! This pic looks a lil' obscene.
A better shot of him. Although you can't see it in this pic, he looks so real he actually has nose hair. NOSE HAIR!! Can you believe that while they were disecting him and everything they didn't even have the courtesy to give him some grooming. And boy are his lips thick. One day I'll have the courage to poke into his eyes! Cause I heard it's like, real or something.
This girl's name is JC. And I tell you man, she is soooo wrong (mentally) that she makes all the porn directors and porn stars look right. Seriously. The lecturer says "... rubber, like a balloon for exmaple.." she replies "Hahahahaha." and the lecturer looks at her and goes "I knew the moment I said rubber you would be thinking about condom. OK lah, fine! Like a condom!"
And worse of all! She pinches your nipples if you step on her tail! Some times she pinches them for no reason! And she pinches them regardless of gender or what armour you're wearing. One time she pinched a guy's nipple eventhough he had his suit and shirt and tie on!
By the way, the pic is her demonstrating how to get a boob job. Sexy mama!
After she gets her boobs fixed, it's time to give some one else some service. Nurse JC, paging Nurse JC.
WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF SERVICE! Slur LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS BITCH ER!
This senior of mine. I can remember her name! It's Shu Peng. I remember it cause someone said "Oh it sounds like stupid."
Anyway this bitch a, I don't even feel bad for calling her a bitch.
This Bitch (that shall be her name). One day she just walks into our Histo lab when everybody was rushing off to lunch and she says something like "Can you all settle down while I make this announcement?"
I was really hungry so I asked "What's it about?"
That bitch just went "Well, if you'll just listen for a minute here I can actually tell you that."
Her attitude! And in the name of that red guy with horns and a pithfork from down under, she took waaaaay more than A MINUTE.
I walked out halfway la but the whole thing basically was about this thing she's organising where we have to PAY RM70 and drive all the way to god know's where and take time out of our already almost full schedule to do so.
And Bitch was giving the whole freaking class attitude about it. I don't know about you but the way I see it, she's asking for a favor and obviously she's not getting it.
So OK over and done with. Contact with Bitch #001 over. Date of Contact #002: never.
But oh how wrong I was. One day we were sitting there having lunch (why does all her problems center around lunch? Maybe that's why she's so fat.), Bitch just walks up, stands so close to me I can not only smell her obnoxious THING she must be using as a perfume but I couldn't scoop my food anymore cause her tummy was in the way of my arm movement!
She just stands there and starts talking about that stuff again and someone just went like "Hei, why don't you explain what you're talking about to these guys? I don't think they know what you're talking about." very nicely and she just gives us THE LOOK and goes,
"I already gave a very long speech about this conference in the Histo lab the other day and if they didn't attend it well it was their loss."
Can you actually believe she said that?!
If she didn't walk away right after I was gonna shout Bitch already.
She was there trying to ask us to sign up for it! And she gives us attitude!
By the way, from what I heard once she went to ask some girl why that girl wanted to be a doctor and of course the girl just ignored her. Then Bitch just went on by herself (without anyone prompting her) saying,
"Actually I didn't want to be a doctor. But since both my parents are doctors and in my opinion, if you're smart and you can serve people, you should become a doctor so that's why I'm here."
Do I need to elaborate further on why I can't stand her?
As Aliya said it: "She's an itch with a 'b'".

All In A Day's Work

I'm starting to feel like I'm drowning in my work. There seems to be so much and so little at the same time! So much to do so little time. Plus I don't want to neglect my gyming too. After I finish this post I have to finish tomorrow's PCL presentation and go to the gym. Yeah~ I'm going home tomorrow. At least that's something to look forward to.
I think I'll do like a semi-bimbo here.
I went to University Hospital (UH) yesterday to visit the paediatrics oncology ward. Oncology means cancer, by the way. They were having a birthday party so it was as depressing as I thought it would be although I so didn't like the balloons there. I even met this 12 year old kid called Farhan (what a coincidence) who's so sweet I felt like biting him. His love for his mom was just amazing and he was so friendly and played us some songs when we were the ones who were supposed to be entertaining him. Somehow, I felt like out presence there was more of a nuisance and they were the ones who're going out of their way to make us feel good about ourselves. I really don't know if I should support this because I don't see how our going there would benefit the kids but my friends seem to be determined to make it a weekly activity. I know our exposure to chronically ill patients is good for us but I want to do something that's good for them.
What exactly am I achieving by singing songs with them and doing art together?
These are my friends Christine (the nice one among the 2 Chris), Aliya in the middle and Laveena at the clinical visit to Tanglin Community Clinic. All 3 of them are from my PCL group (YEAH~!). I couldn't get a picture of myself cause my phone ran out of battery but I'm having another visit soon so it's all good.
That's Catherine trying to get a shot in even though I was clearly trying to get a pic of the skull with a nail sticking through the top of its head. We all concluded that this guy didn't get braces cause his teeth were awful!
I know I'm supposed to be studying but I couldn't help myself. Argh! I dislocated its jaw! T.T
These are pics from today. Basically these are how a lot of our classes are. Actually all non-lectures are held like this, which makes it really fun. I even took a video of today's class. Might load it up if I feel like it.
Don't I look adorable?

We Might As Well Be Strangers

If there's one TV character in this world I could relate to, it's Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill. I know with the new season (spoiler warning) many people feel that Lucas should be with Lindsay but Hello?! Peyton is his comet! Thank you Lindsay for doing the right thing.
I think there's always that one person in this life that saves you, even if you don't know you needed saving. Maybe too many of us go through life without stopping to think where we're heading or where we came from. Because if you did, you'd probably find a blurry future and a past filled with regrets. But then nobody gets to the present without the past, so I guess I wouldn't change mine for the world.
From time to time, we all need some form of guidance. I must say I was pretty fortunate I found mine when I most needed it, and I hope the people who helped me out will find their way too. And if I'm lucky enough, maybe I might get to return the favour. There's a lot of love lost between all of us, but I think deep down we know that we'd always be there for each other. And I know none of them reads this blog but then we all know I'm too cowardly to tell them face to face what I really want to say, so I'll just write it in a meaningless article.
I'm sorry that I'm rarely there when I should be but I promise you that I do try my best. I'm getting there, slowly but surely, I'll get there.
I don't believe in true love, but I do believe there's a comet to fill you with all the hope and certainty and life in this world. Too bad not many of us get to have our comets, and even less people get to see it soar across the same horizon twice.

Elections Stars Start Running

Elections have started! No, I'm not an idiot.
I didn't mean the national election or any of those big craps, I meant the election for our MUMedS and class reps. MUMedS stand for Monash University Medical Society and I think like probably 99% of the class joins it or something. I think! So I guess choosing a MUMedS rep basically means choosing the face of our year or something. As for the class rep, he /she is just something like the class monitors plus treasurer we had back in high school. Doing all the dirty jobs and stuff. Don't know why anyone would want to run for that though.
I don't think electing a class rep is that big of a deal but then since we're having an election week for MUMedS, I guess some people just thought we should do something like that for the class rep too. I think Ali wants to be both.
Anyway, back in high school we had um... "elections" where we would shout out some one's name and then force everyone else to put up their hands to elect that person. But here, it seems like a whole new level! People are giving speeches (one of them scripted) and doing campaigns (kinda) and already trying to proof their worth by organising stuffs (now this I can really appreciate).
As for the speech. Haha. Let the picture say it all.
OK, I started this post yesterday but got cut off here cause my internet went down. Bloody Streamyx. Now where was I? Oh, OK. The one laughing on the left is Jeremy and the guy on the left is Ali. No offence dude but I seriously have never met any one named Ali and I find it very funny cause Ali is the name of choice when I had to construct sentences back in primary school. So popular! The girl trying to be Avril (puke!.. kidding!) in the middle is JC, from my PCL group.
GROUP C ROCKS!
Anyway, the hand protruding from the lower right corner of the picture and totally spoiling the whole setting belongs to Matt.
This is how I take notes. I'm not being lazy. As a modern day (future) doctor, we must learn to utilize all the technology that is present and that will soon come out. This is me maximizing the uses of my handphone.
Oh, this is totally random. This is a view of TPS's room from TPS's bed. That guy sitting in front of the computer being hardworking is apparently someone who likes TPS or something and she's using him to get her tracing done. For your info, he was the only one who was actually doing work in that room.
They look alike don't they? Reb and Chris are so going to hate me for posting such an ugly picture of them. Oh, I suddenly remembered something. Last time when we were Google-ing them up, we couldn't find their names so maybe I should write their whole name here jsut for the sake of it. OK, here goes. REBECCA NG HAW VON and CHRISTINE HOUNG CHUI TING.
Shit, I don't know their surnames. I guess that's correct though. Anyway let me tell you a little something about these useless two. There I was in a total mess after going all the way to Kamal (which is near Hospital Kuala Lumpur) to buy some books and naturally we got very lost and exhausted. And see what they're doing while I was so busy driving and bringing us back to the arms of civilisation?! They were being freaking pigs!
Again, this is totally random but this is the picture of my favourite kid back when I was working at the kindergarten.

Here Comes The Sun

I don't know why but it always takes FOREVER for the My.Monash page to load. It's so annoying, and the only reason I ever go to that site is for academic sake so it just makes me not want to do it even more! What the heck people, can't you do something to improve just a little bit?!
What's new lately? Well, there's this little problem... It's not too big or anything. But basically I'll be embarassing myself and killing my (I like to think of it as) good rep forever. But let's save the shame for that day shall we?
Oh, I went to the Kamal bookstore today. Haha, it's a medical book supplier store and they said the prices there are cheaper. Which is true in some sense... Each book is like, cheaper by 5 - 10 bucks. So if you just buy one book at a time it would actually be a huge hassle to get there and back for so small a saving. But then we actually have to buy quite a number of books so I guess it would be worth it if we buy 'em all in one shot. I bought Wheater's histology and the medical handbook. The Wheater's have some "problematic" pages on it so I'll have to go change it soon. And I'm also hoping to buy an anatomy atlas and another text plus a physio book. My god, I'll be broke by the end of this! The part that I'm most pissed about is the fact that Monash didn't give us free lab coats! We had to freaking pay for it eventhough they're already charging us an arm and a limb for the tuition fees!
But well, I really like studying here so maybe I should stop complaining. I don't really take that many picturese cause I never could remind myself to do it...
My plan to turn this into a bimbo blog is sooo not working.

Spend All Your Time Waiting For That Second Chance

I need some distraction... Memories seep through my vein.

A lot of things have been going well lately, but I guess we can't have every little thing we want. I'm not feeling so well. It started with a sore throat and got a lil worse... Well, basically now it's a mild fever. But I'm taking a lot of (hypertonic) fluid and low-nutrition food so I guess I'll be better anytime soon.
Oh, hei, you know what? My friend, Shay Kheng, got like 3As for her STPM, which is totally cool right? Even better is that Looi got 3Bs and an A too! Haha, I feel so proud for some strange reason which I can't understand.
But the SPM results didn't come out so.... Happy though. Well, I don't know it they met the expectations of the people who sat for it but I guess life has a few tricks up its sleeve.
I'm depressed right now. I found out I have no direction in life. Actually I do. 5 years from now, hopefully I'll be saving more lives than I kill. And then I'm gonna subject myself to a few more years of unbearable stress and hardship to get a specialist degree and hopefully I'll help more people than I trouble... again.
But that's not what I mean. Emotionally, I lack direction. I'm at a standstill. I feel like I haven't budged an inch since I was 14 or something. How do you grow if the sun don't shine?

It's A Crime Against The Heart To Be Somewhere In Between

Put Your Brave Face On

As you go on with life, you see the world which is so big, people who are so great and things so amazing... You see that truth be told, you're just an insignificant speck of dust floating among billions of other dust particles. As you grow up, you grow smarter and wiser than when you were ten, yet you somehow feel more of loser and an ignoramus than when you knew nothing at all. You lose the confidence that tells you the world is your roller coaster and you're gonna ride it at 100 miles per hour.
But maybe all we need to know about life, we've already learnt when we were ten. Maybe all we need to know is that the people who play with you at the playground are your friends, the people who call you names at school are idiots; and tomorrow morning you're gonna wake up again and you're gonna ride the roller coaster all over again.
It's only life after all.

PS: I've been realising lately that I have very interesting friends. This is what Farhan has been up to lately.

Baby You Have Become My Addiction

Wanna know what I've been up to lately? Haha, basically. I haven't been saving lives.
I had all my scripts written out you know. I would go to medic school, be smart and suddenly while I was walking down some street one day, some one will suddenly have this medical emergency then I'd go like "Come with me if you want to live."
And in all those scenes I was cool as ice. Unfortunately, as each day passes by, the chances of someone suddenly facing a medical condition (which I would actually know how to cure) near me seems to be getting thinner. Well, they were thin from the very start. It was just my bloated head popping up and down.
Instead of doing a lumbar puncture or drilling someone's skull, I've been stuck (happily) doing these....
That's my PCL group learning how to wear gloves. EXACTLY! I was thinking "Dude! We're medic students! Do you honestly think we don't know how to wear gloves?"
Turns out, we don't. OK, at least I don't. I should just crawl into some deep dark hole and curl up into a ball or something. Again, my big fat bloated head. It must be water retention or something (I don't really know what that means exactly but I keep hearing women complaining about it).
Then this is us with our surgical gowns and masks on. The lady not wearing the ugly suit is our very friendly tutor, Ms Amritha. OK, I don't know how to spell her name but it's the thought that counts RIGHT?!
Aren't we cool? Haha. I didn't save any lives (yet) but the classes are fun and the company is amazing. Especially my PCL group. Who knew a bunch of nerds could actually be so cool right?
And here are some random pictures of what I'm doing when I'm not playing dress-up.
This is my idiot brother playing dress-up (now it's his turn!). He's actually pretending to be a robber sneaking into the toilet.... Huh?!
This is one of my um.... "smart" friends, Christine Hung. The hand you see at the front there is Reb's. Yvonne was actually supposed to be sitting next to Christine but then that slur (yes guys, there's another slur!) just walked out when I was taking the pic. Idiot.
Anyway, I guess that's all.
Doesn't this like a bimbo post? Gosh I'm so proud.

Everybody's Got A Drug Dealer On Speed Dial

Yay!! I think I might be going back to Penang soon. My big bro came to stay with us for the weekend and just went back a while ago.
I went out with my high school friends just now to meet up with Wai Cheng who came back from India for the hols. You know what the funny thing is?
I was sitting there surrounded by a bunch of people I barely talked to when we were still in the same school. I don't think I've even talked to two of them before!
What amazed me was that the people whom I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life hanging out with are miles and miles away. I guess life really doesn't turn out the way you expect it to.
And another thing is that WC, who's like the nicest most.. um... less-likely to be "adventurous" person I know, now has a tattoo the size of a palm whereas I'm still keeping my body un-holed and squeeky clean until now.
Anyway, just keeping things updated here.

Cause After All You Do Know Best

Oh my god, I have internet!! OK, I know some of you might be thinking "What? She had internet before this too!" but the truth is, I didn't! I was just using my brother's computer. But this is me. This is me with internet on MY internet.
I'm so glad man. Haha. No more sneaking up to his com to do my stuff and bla bla bla. It's all me from now on!
Anyway, this is like... Oh, exactly the 2nd week since I've been in KL. How are things here? Not too bad I guess.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
My main concern when I first had to come here was the thought that I would be leaving my friends in Penang and my family and I'm going to be thrown into this whole new and foreign situation where (paranoia sets in) everybody is out to get me.
The truth is, I am sad that I had to leave familiarity to go on with my life but now, I can confidently say that I don't regret it.
Regardless of how much Denial I drown myself in, the truth is everybody leaves, right? A lot of my friends left to further their studies of move overseas. They had a life they had to continue. The feeling of abandonment is strong. I guess I've been abandoned so many times that I didn't want to do the same thing. But life goes on, and my turn to leave came and so I left.
The best part of coming to KL is learning a life lesson.
Although familiarity is comfortable, you've got to jump one time or the other. And despite all your convictions, most of the time there is a safety net below.
I've been so afraid to leave my old group because I was afraid to look for a new one. Fortunately, I did find a new group and they're as awesome as medic students can get (I guess). They're all pretty nice and fun and when you need help, they would even trouble themselves to give you a hand. By the way, I don't just mean the friends from Monash. TPS and her room mates are pretty cool though. Plus they're a very good source of entertainment. Being with them is like playing a part in some show called "Comedy 101" or "Comedy Network". Tune in at the rick of pulling a muscle in your stomach while laughing. If life is a wheel and our present is a consequent of our past, then I must have been pretty
good to people in the past.
Thinking back, all through primary, secondary and college, I've always been lucky enough to find a group of people who would stick together and share their joys.
I don't believe in god or anything that claims to have control over the lives of 6billion humans and all the dying species on this earth but IF (against all scientific odds) there's someone looking, I must say he ain't too bad at all.

How To Find A Lost Heart

Burn my heart,
If it means nothing to you.
Cause we both know,
It means nothing to me.

For my heart is lost,
To a world that fades.
Just take my apologies,
And give me some space.

It might be broken,
It might be cut.
For all we know,
It might even be whole.

What does it matter?

My heart is not yours.
It ain't mine either.
Somewhere on a floor,
It lays asunder.

What I Want Will Never Be What I Have

We fight it. We deny it. We ignore it. But the truth is inevitable.
Fear is what we love.
We spend so much of our time trying to convince ourselves and others that we, as civilized and well-evolved human beings, rejoice in the comfort of a safe and stable community. But deep in the hearts of those who look beyond the lies and deceit is the ultimate fact millenniums of documented history of mankind has try to hide. The fact that what we really... REALLY want is fear, hatred and bloodshed.
Wars have been fought in every generation. The atrocious and outrageous raping of the fundamental concept of world peace has been repeated again and again. Blood spills every where, every time. Which idiot honestly believes that Homo sapiens have evolved beyond the restraints of a monster instinct to kill and destroy. A xenophobic tribe that guises itself as an educated society, we burn and obliterate all that is foreign, benign or otherwise.
Now tell me, are you listening?

What separates me from you

If you're good at something good, like good at saving lives, that's good.
Maths: positive multiplied by positive = positive.

If you're bad at something bad, like bad at being rude to people, that's good too.
Maths: negative multiplied by negative = positive.

If you're good at something bad, like good at killing innocent people, or bad at something good, like you're bad at helping people, that's bad.
Maths: negative/positive multiplied by positive/negative = negative.

Who knew maths would be so useful, eh?
Have you ever wondered how rich you would be if you did something useless? For example, wrote scripts for chick flicks.
What intelligence does it require?
None.
Why?
Every plot is so predictable!
Correct me if I'm wrong, I beg of you, because from what I've seen (I'm a fan of chick flicks which means I've seen a LOT), the story seems to be so consistent.
Girl (pretty in the girl-next-door way but a misfit of the group she will be thrown into) goes into a new situation, meets evil-pretty new girls (to avoid misinterpretation, I shall name them Biatches) who suck the life out of people yet the ground they walk on is miraculously worshiped by the majority. Girl meets handsome, charming guy who is most probably the IT guy of the community she has been introduced to. Girl is targeted by the leader of the Biatches who intentionally makes the other minion-Biatches misunderstand and subsequently "disown" girl. Girl meets new dorks/nerds (Rejects) and realizes inner beauty is more important. Girl starts a campaign against the evil regime of the Biatches and enlightens the previously foolish majority who have been living in the dark age. During campaign, Biatch leader pulls a trick to cause the Rejects group to misunderstand girl and leave her, albeit temporarily. Girl is also made to misunderstand Prince Charming by Biatch leader and breaks up/avoids him. Rejects group SOMEHOW realizes their mistake for not sticking by girl and goes back to her side and finally, the campaign to oust the evil regime is won! In most cases, minion-Biatches realized they have been tricked by the leader Biatch and rejects her from the group to turn to the path of good and holiness. Girl SOMEHOW finds out she was mistaken about Prince Charming and the two live happily ever after.
Or at least until the end of the flick.
According to this rule, all I need is to think of two sets of names, one that screams Rejects and another that screams the opposite. Of course the girl and Prince Charming's name will be in the "opposite" group because they have to be accepted by the majority at the very start of the flick. After that, I will proceed on thinking of a setting (college, high school, fashion world) and voila~ my job is done!
Can you imagine how much those script writers earn by just following a set of conditions that takes an IQ level of 20 to comprehend?
All the while, we're rotting and pondering over how we'll deal with bankruptcy after we go against our rational judgment to buy the prettiest clutch (for this season) in the world.

Whoever said all men are born equal is an ignoramus for two obvious reasons.
One, he should have used the politically correct and gender-unbiased term of "humans".
Two, if we were born equal then why is Nicole Kidman so hot, Keira Knightley so sexy and Britney Spears so freaking rich for doing exactly what I'm doing and have done?
In case you're wondering what I've been so diligently doing all this while, it's NOTHING.
Nothing at all.

Where do I sign up?

You know what I've suddenly realized?!
There are exactly 12 days left until the big day! I don't get why people celebrate their 21st birthday with such a bang when I feel the 20th birthday is more important cause you know... like it's the year you stop being seven, eight, nineTEEN and become a twenTY. It's like a serious transaction.
Our age changes from single digits to pre-teen and teen and now that we've become post-teen, it's like we've joined a whole new alliance. Isn't it strange how the first twenty years of our lives had so many phases to it but once we reach that 20year marker, it all becomes sort of monotonous? Like how we'll be twenTY, thirTY, forTY and so on. Like we went from one two three to eleven twelve which were exciting in their own way. Then suddenly we became thirTEEN and fourTEEN which was even more exciting (despite being a little depressing for me). But still, we were making progress. But now that we inch closer to joining the TY-ties (pronounced tee-tees), it all seems kind of bleak. No longer will we be able to excite ourselves by the way our age is written or pronounced. There will be no more profound changes in the years that mark our lives. From now on it's TY to the end.
It's as if whoever thought up this way of counting numbers just thought "Haha! In case you aren't depressed enough by the loss of your childhood, I'll make the future seem more dark and gloomy by making the rest of your years into TY-ties!"
Gosh, what cruelty.

22nd July 2003

I don't have most of the answers to a lot of questions, neither do I think I will find them all. But that doesn't mean I will give up searching. I don't believe in God but I do believe in karma. I don't believe in destiny but I honestly think there's a deeper meaning to our lives than we realize. I don't know what will happen next but I do know we are in complete control of our lives and anything that happens to us is a result of our actions. I believe if our life spins out of control we have only ourselves to blame for it.

Misery Business

What is love?
If somebody knows, please tell me. If you even have the faintest idea about what this is all about then I beg you to tell me.
What is it? Think about it for a while here.
I can tell you all the text book answers to it, but the question is, which one is true?
How can some people fall in love with different people so many times? How can some people fall in love with different people at the same time? And these aren't fake love as long as those people are concerned. I mean sure there are people out there who just say "Yes I love.." without actually thinking about it but there are also people who think about it and realise they're (were) in love with more than one person.
If yes, then how come such a thing is possible as this totally contradicts the theory of a soul mate. Isn't there supposed to be that one person out there who's supposed to be meant (made) for you? Or maybe there are soul mates. There are more than one?
Is that why some people fall in love more than once?
But what if there really is just one soul mate out there but he lives in Iraq and you live on Mount Everest? Is there like destiny and at one point in life you will definitely meet the soul mate regardless? However what if the your supposed soul mate doesn't believe in soul mates and when the time came he just took the best option available and hence when destiny really does come to play he won't be available anymore. I mean people who believe in destiny and soul mates have to believe in morality and know that cheating is not right. And you say so leave the non-soul mate and go with the soul mate?
But what if you can really love more than one person at the same time and you really love your wife so you can't leave her for the soul mate even if god himself came down and told you "That woman you just meant in the bar is the woman i created just for you. I'm sorry I couldn't bring the two of you to meet sooner but oh well.."
If any or all of what I just said is true, then what is love? If none of it is.... then does love even exist?
Is there even such a thing as a soul mate? Maybe it's just something someone made up to get the girl of his dreams to go all lovey dovey and say "I do" to him.
Maybe the so-called "soul mates" out there who last forever until they die till eternity bla bla bla aren't really soul mates, they just happen to be two people who met, felt the attraction, married had kids and worked through all the fights and quarrels and hurts and hates and one day died. Maybe they were supposed to break up / divorce but they died too early and hence that appointed date of separation never came to materialise?
If you have to work through all of it, is that really love? I mean that's a part of a relationship I get it but is that really love?
Scientifically speaking love is as simple as it gets : lust, attraction, attachment. It doesn't last forever and you can have as many as your heart desires. You meet someone you define as hot / pretty/ beautiful / phat /sexy and lust appears. You act on that lust and talk / date / have sex and get to know that person beyond physical matters and attraction comes to play. After spending intimate moments with that person you find yourself used to the idea of him / her and hence attachment begins. Biologically and evolutionarily speaking we have to mate and reproduce to ensure our existence on this planet so the attachment is the part where you have sex make babies and make it through until the infant can survive. After the baby is born all biology and evolutionary needs end (unless you want to make more with the same person) and you can either leave or raise it.
Lust last for maybe months. Attraction last for a few years... some say up to three. So the attachment part is the part we're all interested in. Attachment is the bonding which promotes relationships that last for many years, and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests.
But before marriage existed and people were told you have to raise your children responsibly so they won't turn up to be serial killers or Hitlers, what was there?
There was lust and attraction and chemicals in your brain that we know define as "love".
If science is correct then there's no such thing as soul mates, right? But then I believe in science with as much heart as a person can give it but some times, just some times, I start thinking.
I think about the times when I felt a pain so terrible I really thought "Oh my god, my heart is breaking". But scientifically, a heart can't actually break. Not unless you freeze it and smash it with a sledge hammer, no. It's an internal organ that pumps to distribute oxygenated and deoxygenated blood in your body. How can a piece of muscle tissue BREAK from emotions? But it just really feels like it's breaking, you know?
And what if, just what if, all those people out there who are in love.... Maybe they aren't?
Maybe they saw someone and the idea of love hit them at that time and so somehow they subconsciously talked themselves into love with the other person, but it isn't love at all. It's just self-hypnotisms. Right?
In an article from Wiki, it says love can't be universally explained because our thoughts exist in so many different languages that affects our beings and hence you can't but a definite definition to such an abstract thing. Some say it's easier to experience than to explain.
But if no one can explain what love is to you, how would you know that particular emotion you're feeling is love and not something else?
Some say love isn't a feeling, it is an activity. But how can any romanticist actually believe that?
In the end, we're left with that one question we started with. What is love?

Through The Looking Glass

Been a long time since I lasted posted. And this time, it has not been for a lack of material. I've been thinking, a lot. A whole lot. Just never really got the chance to put it into words. Now I'm just plain lazy to do so.
So let's talk about something recent. Everyday is an adventure, right? Well, here is another chance for you to get to know a little more about me. I can't tell a story for shit.
Like seriously.
I think I do quite good on paper (or webpage... If you insist on being sooo technical). But in words, I suck! And no, I'm not in one of those self-depreciating moods. It's just the truth.
It's not to say I suck at talking, because.... well, that would probably be the biggest lie of the millennium. My problem is story-telling or relaying or whatever. When I was in primary school I did the oh-so-big mistake of taking part in a story telling contest and I lie not when I say this. It was the most boring 4 minutes of the lives of anybody who cared to pay attention. As if that wasn't enough proof, I thought I might spice up my tutoring classes and get my young students to get interested in reading books so one day, I ventured down the long and dark path of trying to tell them a story from one of the books available.
My god, who terribly that turned out.
Once was enough for me to not to want to do it again..... NEVER!
Then the other day, my father asked about this movie and since the whole car was silent (me, my bro and parents were driving down to KL) so I thought, what the heck, even though this is usually my mom's territory, guess it won't hurt if I tried.
Again, how terribly that turned out.
The movie was The Painted Veil and it tells the story of this young married couple. They go to this very dirty place, the guy gets a disease and dies.
At least, according to me, that's what happened. Upon hearing my excellent account, my brother was baffled beyond his mind as to how horribly a person can tell a story. This is what Wikipedia had to say about it:
Kitty Garstin is a pretty, shallow young woman from a well-to-do London family, under pressure from her parents to find a husband. Soon after she meets him at a party, she marries Dr. Walter Fane , an earnest, socially awkward doctor on leave from China, even though she does not love him. The Fanes move to Shanghai, where Dr. Fane is stationed in a government lab studying infectious diseases. Soon bored, Kitty meets Charles Townsend , a married British diplomat who is a serial womanizer, and has an affair with him. When Walter finds out, he gives her an ultimatum: come with him to the Chinese interior to assist with a cholera epidemic relief effort for which he has volunteered, or face a divorce on the grounds of her adultery. Kitty turns to Townsend to persuade him to divorce his wife and marry her. When Townsend, to Kitty's surprise but not Walter's, refuses to leave his wife for Kitty, she chooses to travel inland with her husband. At first, Walter and Kitty barely speak to each other. Kitty is miserable, with nothing to do. She decides to volunteer at a local orphanage run by French nuns, which her husband visits often outside of his lab work. In this setting Kitty begins to see her apparently-cold husband in a new light, as she learns what a selfless and caring person he can be. The Fanes' marriage blossoms into love. She grows to care about the children at the orphanage, while Walter tends to the sick and looks for a way to stop the spread of the epidemic despite resistance from the populace and the local warlord in the politically torn China of the 1920s. After their reconciliation Kitty learns she is pregnant, but is unsure whether Charlie or Walter is the father. Just as the local cholera problem is coming under control, diseased refugees from elsewhere pour into the area, forcing Walter to set up a refugee camp outside town. Walter contracts cholera and dies, devastating Kitty, who returns to London. Five years later, walking with her young son Walter, Kitty runs into Townsend on the street. Townsend makes small talk with them both for a short while and begins to suggest a meeting with Kitty. However, Kitty rejects his overtures and walks away.
Anyway, my point is I can't tell a story but until then, I still didn't realise that for a fact. I just thought my brother was being awfully mean.
Then just now I was watching this Top 25 Celebrity bla bla bla and I was listening to this woman's recount of a near death experience she had and I just couldn't believe how hard that message hit home.
I can't tell a story for shit. Seriously.
I mean just the thought of having to give myself some intonations give me a fright. Like, you know. It's so freaking childish! You read a book because the book is interesting, NOT because the person who wrote it can read it very well. That's just superficial crap!
I try, oh I do try to do it. When I was trying to tell that story to my students not so long ago. Oh how I tried to make the terrifying parts sound scary and the good parts sound sweet. In the end I ended up telling them what's involved and how it ended and asked them to read it themselves.
Gosh, I'm like a handicap.

There's Your Trouble

Have you heard of the BET Awards?
If you haven't, let me accomplish my awe-inspiring job again. In case you missed what I said before, my job is to enlighten you tiny lil' chicks and lambs. Ya dig?
BET Awards stands for "Black Entertainment Awards". Well, everybody (who didn't come out of a politically-correct time warp) would probably know what "black" stands for. What we all (myself the almighty omniscient being included) don't get is why any self-respecting white / yellow / blue / rainbow coloured person isn't making a big fuss about it?
If I were living in the US of A, I would have let the whole shebang out already and tear these racist bastards and bitches (B&B) to pieces. I won't even mention the fact that these niggers are allowed to humiliate and degrade themselves by calling themselves all the names they won't allow others to call, yet are able to look you straight in the face and say it.
Isn't it ironic, don't you think?
After all the insults these B&B serve the whites with, now they're supposed to stand with an award show that caters only to blacks?
A little too ironic, yeah I really do think.
Why doesn't somebody rebel and make a WET Awards? I'm sure nobody in their sane mind would retaliate if they were aware of the B&Bs and BETs.
Seriously, am I the only one who sees an opportunity to sue some B&B ass off? Have the Americans lost their games? Aren't they supposed to be the gods of suing each other?
Seriously.
Here's my shout-out in support of a WET Awards taking place some time soon.



PS: I'm currently very sick which have reduced my brain to pulp which might not might not be affecting my brain function. I don't know. If I were smart enough to know this answer I probably wouldn't have to write this PS anyway.

Death Is But Another Release

I read this children's book titled "The Honey Bear Who Wanted A Friend" or something to that affect and I couldn't help but be amazed at how politically incorrect the whole affair is! And it's very clearly a children's book! Well, that is unless some very sick and twisted people have started publishing adult reads with colourful covers and pictures of cute little animals lining the pages. The whole thing was an insult to the innocence of childhood!
I've been using a lot of exclamation marks but I can't help it cause I'm just appalled by all this.
The book tells the story about this lonely Honey Bear who cried and cried about his loneliness and one day decided to go on a quest to find himself a friend. In the whole of the story, he met numerous animals whom he tried to help but in vain. Some because his size was merely too big for them (like the birds trying to build a nest) and some because they simply would not accept his help in fear of what ulterior motive he might have. There were the beavers who played with him but after a good day of fun, he realises he's different from them and simply could not fit in so he quits them. At the end of a story, like all children's stories, he finds a friend. But surprise, surprise. Who is the friend but another fellow bear, and a girl bear for that matter. Yes, they wrote it and even stressed the fact that it's a girl bear who will one day become Mama Bear to his little ones. Yes! THEY WROTE ALL THAT!
Seriously.
In case you stone-heads haven't realised the whole problem behind all this. Let me enlighten you (for is that not my job as the all-knowing one?).
First of all, it shows inability to be alone and to seek out companionship. Well, that's not a problem at all until kids who are so in need of attention and companionship turns to measures such as drugs and being useless A-holes.
Then, we reach the main insult of the whole book. That just because things are different you should not and CAN NOT accept them. This is proven in the numerous times he tried to make friends with the swans, the fawns or other animals. Those animals' fear of the well-meaning Honey Bear also teach kids that you should fear (and hence reject) anything that's different from you. Not different from what is right; Different from YOU! Are we still wondering why people always have racial / cultural / religious conflicts? I bet all the people out there trying to resolve these conflicts in peaceful terms never read this Honey Bear book when they were still at an impressionable age.
At the end of the story, there is the insult to the homosexuals out there and the very misplaced sex-education! Do these kids really need to know one day the guy sitting beside you is gonna F you and you're gonna go through 9months of pain and hardship as a result? And that book was probably meant for readers of 4-7 years of age! I call that totally inappropriate. Then there's the whole issue of stressing the fact that the new friend is a girl bear. Not another bear, not another boy bear, no no. They stressed that it was a GIRL bear. The girl bear that will soon be called Mama Bear.
While the maniacs out there are trying to purge discrimination by changing "Baa-baa Black Sheep" into "Baa-baa Colourful Sheep", readers of this book are being taught to not only discriminate blacks, but every other thing that differs from themselves. Does nobody see the irony?
The worse part of all this boo-haa being that "black sheep" is a very legitimate term describing a person who causes shame or embarrassment because of deviation from the accepted standards of his or her group. And this is true back in the time when bleach didn't exist because of course people would rather have white wool that looks clean when it's clean and black when it's dirty (hence reminding you to clean it). Really, who cares about this small issue when the cute ol' Honey Bear is out there doing more harm than all the nursery rhymes combined?
Seriously!