I won't live to see another day I swear it's true.

Now I know.
Now I'm sure.
This exam will kill me!!!


:(

Pinch of Salt

I've recently (as in this morning) developed a new analogy to describe life.

I think I should also use this time to inform you insignificant non-existent readers of this half dead blog that you should all marvel at the speed by which I am able to come up with philosophies of life. It took me all but 3 minutes to come up and complete the said analogy.
Yes Hammie, I'm a genius!
Anyways, returning to the awesome (cause it came from me) analogy.
I think life is like a blind roller coaster ride in a amusement park.
I don't know who would create a blind ride lah but basically it means you can't see the tracks before you get on it.
So, here goes.
Like all things in life (which is ironic cause I'm using this to describe life and yet life is used to explain this), there are all sorts of roller coaster. You have those ugly boring ones such as the one in Genting.
Yes I'm cheap and I got this considerably pretty looking picture of the Cockscrew* of someone else's blog..
And then there are the cool ass ones like Millenium Force from Cedar Point.
The other more important similarities between a roller coaster ride and life is:
1) The better the ride, the longer you'll have to wait in line.
2) You'll never have to ride it alone cause more often than not, there will always be someone sitting beside you.
But sometimes, you get so scared of what lies ahead that you can't feel that person holding on to you tightly...
3) There'll definitely be ups and downs and in most cases some turn-arounds. Then there are the boring parts where you get started but if you think further ahead you know there'll be a thrill waiting at the bend.
4) Through all these ups and downs, the person sitting beside you will still be sitting beside you.
5) Since it's a NiYi's hypothetical blind roller coaster, you can never tell how long it'll last of what lies ahead.
6) When it finally does end, you can always get back in line or go find another ride.
7) Whichever ride you choose to take next, it's for you and the other guy / girl to decide whether you'll ride it together again or not.
People say when you're younger, it's so much easier to fall in love.
And I think this is true... Because when you're younger, you have more time to go to all the amusement parks in the world to try out each ride, and your heart is better built to handle the excitement and horror that the journey will bring.

So my point here is, to the person I developed this analogy for, you've got the realise that the most important point in this journey is to never stop getting in line for the next ride.
It's OK to take a step back and have a lil' breather now and again but you know you've got to get back on it once you're ready to.

Here's another thing to remember.
99.9999% of the time, the roller coaster has enough safety measures to ensure that you'll come out of the ride safe and sound.


*The ride looks kinda OK-ish and pretty in this picture but truth is, it SUCKS ass through a freaking straw!

Ways To Procrastinate

I have exams in17 days. Yes, exactly 17 days. What have I been doing this morning?
Well, I woke up at 8.30am, thought "WTH THIS IS A SUNDAY!" and rolled around on my bed. But of course, hostel life having reduced me to a single bed, the obstacles in my way proved high and many. Since I'm such a genius, after a couple of position changes and skilled maneuvers , I was able to get a few good rolls.
Then by 9 I thought "Shucks, time to study.. :("
Oh but wait! I haven't went to the gym in a whole week! Health is definitely way more important than an exam that would prove insignificant were I to die of some pulmonary embolysm as a result of my highly sedentary life, right?
So I skipped and hopped away to gym to restore myself to at least half my former glory (in physical prowess).
Gym went on, yada yada yada. Oh my god while in the locker room I accidentally walked into a corridor where this lady was changing so she was like stark naked!
In case any guy out there is thinking "PICTURES!!!", let me reassure you that I did right by not taking any photographic evidence.
She looked like she could kill an elephant by sitting on it.
Mean! I know....
After gym there I was again thinking "Fine, study then."
Hei! I haven't had fruits in a long time! :) off grocery shopping~ Skippaty skippaty skip.
After dilly dallying everywhere picking up nonsensical snakcs and etc, I finally resigned myself to going home and packing to go to school.
On my way to school, I realised it would be so much easier if I just went to the food court now and packed my lunch instead of making a separate trip later... So again. Skippaty skippaty skip to Medan to buy me some food.
Fine, 4 hours after I wake up, I'm finally at school to study.
But then, there's so little people in uni today that the internet connection must be pretty fast. Why waste such a good opportunity eh? I should go youTube all the things I want and surf around a bit. It's a Sunday anyway :)
So here I am. 2pm with 17 days till exams and nothing to show for it.
Slur, aren't you proud of me?

In case you're gonna say no. I've got news for you sista!
I went for a pedi/manicure on Friday XD
My hands look like some male hand with pink nailpolish on. Tranny!

Sorry You Had To Hurt Your Hand With My Face

Don't go looking anymore.
Let's not waste anymore time dreaming;
cause dreams only last a night.
Tell me,
I'll make your dreams come alive.

I'm mixed up In My head

You feel invincible.
You feel on top of the world.
You think "This is the life."
Suddenly, you're falling..

I'm getting used to smiling everyday.
I'm getting used to laughing everyday.
I'm getting used to being genuinely happy.

Being too happy makes me scared.
The higher I climb, the harder I'll fall.
I think I've lost perspective of my life.
I'm letting the days and nights get to me.
I need to wake up... before this dream turns into a nightmare.

I don't want to be this happy...
I know it sounds selfish.
But I really don't.
I know what awaits at the end of this tunnel.

Ran Do M Ness

Found this from a friend's Facebook page. Can't help but wanna share it with people...

All I want is that one person, who will care beyond what's expected. Who will try to be the number one person in my life, and won't give up if it takes time. I want someone who will love me for me, who will notice me even when the rest of the world doesn't. That one person, who even if they don't quite agree with what I do will still be there no matter what decision I make.

I want to be loved...

Hold Your Own

What I want will eventually kill me from inside...



Help ain't on the way is it?

Know your name, go your own way.


I wish I could send me back... I'm sure I'm still under warranty.

Batik

The last person to be left alone with my thoughts is me...

The idea that you could break me so easily scares me.

What Separates Me From You

I thought religion is about loving thy neighbours and understanding and good values in general. I don't get it when people allow this to come between each other....
Why should you care if people are of different beliefs as long as they (as people i.e. fathers sons daughters friends) are good inside?
We might look, talk and think different but ultimately, all of us have 22 pairs of autosomal chromosomes with 2 sex chromosomes... that is unless you're born with a disease or something. Even so we're taught to not discriminate against the less-fortunate. So why see each other as different when we're not? Why let minuscule issues such as differing opinions that will bring no harm to each other become an obstacle in a relationship (of any kind)?


People have corrupted too many things in life already. Don't let something that was intended to show love become a breeding ground for hate.
If you really do believe in religion and god and everything else you choose to believe in, then believe that others have the right to view the same issue from different angles, that you can't always be right and that diversity is supposed to allow organisms to increase their chances of survival against epidemics and bottleneck situations.

You Give It All But I Want More

Do good days come less often, so that when it does come, it seems more precious?


On a bed of nails you make me wait, and I'm waiting for you, with or without you..

Weirdness!

I just had this weird Alice in Wonderland sort of nightmare thing. And funniest of all, I remember all of it!

It started out with Cheryl and I out together which in itself is strange because we don't go out together alone now do we? You know I mean like we normally go out with Sam etc.
OK so we were out at some place that strangely enough looked very much like Pacific Mall which is some crappy little mall here in Butterworth. While we were there this high school friend of mine came up to us and I didn't realise the strangeness of this until I woke up - Cheryl started talking to her like old friends but I forgot her name her age her everything. So yeah the friend conveniently reminds us that we have an exam right there and then and somehow Cheryl won't stop talking to her even though we were like crazy late already.
So, I ditched Cheryl to run to school but then halfway through I didn't want to leave her alone so I stopped to wait for her then this basketball team mate of mine showed up and gave me the biggest "I know your secret" grin. Which is weird cause even I don't know I had a secret. After that grin and she passed me by Cheryl showed up and she didn't want to talk to me because I ditched her like that.

We rushed to school together and when we reached there there was this strange like um... You know the police academy system in Japan? You have to like finish your basic education then you can join the academy then you get to move up the steps and ranking type of thing. So the school had these steep stairs that symbolised that system and every time there's an exam there'll be a ledge to climb. There I was running up the steps and pulling with my whole body not to fall when all of a sudden my body starts aching and I remembered that (in real life) I've been doing a lot of push ups out of boredom and my arms are failing me. This is the point where I thought "Hei, I don't remember seeing these steps before. Why didn't I just use the normal easy route I always used?"
But by then I was too high to go down so I had to fight on all while Cheryl was climbing normal small little steps beside me. Don't ask why I didn't just go join her.
So then we arrive at school and the paper has already started so Cheryl goes into her room and I go into mine. But then, my room didn't have an invigilator! And I was the first seat of the row and Laveena was sitting behind me! All this is strange because I'm always the last seat and Christine is the one near me.

So no invigilator = no exam paper. I had to rush to Cheryl's room to ask for help from the other invigilator and just as the teacher comes over, the lights in my room goes out. BUT!
But the teacher doesn't do anything and just goes "I don't have the papers, just sit down and do your own thing."
What the hell! The room was pitch black and I had no questions to answer for an exam and nobody was helping me!
This is when I sat down and Laveena kindly tells me there are extra papers under the desk so I go take 'em and get ready to rock & roll but then I find out the subject of the paper...

It's Bahasa Melayu!!!

Sad.nap

Someday someone is gonna ask me why I'm doing all this for and I'll have nothing to show for it.

Absolutely nothing.

Tried To Be Chill But You're So Hot That I Melted

To be nobody but yourself in a wold which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

- E. E. Cummings

I Am in Need of Music

I am in need of music that would flow Over my fretful, feeling fingertips, Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips, With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow. Oh, for the healing swaying, old and low, Of some song sung to rest the tired dead, A song to fall like water on my head, And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow! There is a magic made by melody: A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep To the subaqueous stillness of the sea, And floats forever in a moon-green pool, Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep. - Elizabeth Bishop

Someday

I'm falling when I shouldn't be,
I'm crashing where I couldn't be.

Where are you, Slur?

H-WHat do you care?

I don't think you can promise someone you will never let them fall.
You don't have the power to always let them hang on to you. Sooner or later people have to fall. And the fall is what makes the person who they are.

Fortunately, you can stand up with that person forever... if you wanted to. That is if that person chooses to make a stand. If they don't then what's the point, right?
Just remember that mountains are always easier to climb when you have someone to walk the steps with you.

So be there for them through it all?

We don't really know how much we're capable of until you find that one person you're willing to lose it all for. At least that's how I feel.
Look deep down and you can find the strength to be the one.


Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

I'm not supposed to be here.
Someone told me I can't blog till the exams are over. I don't know why I'm listening. By then I won't have time to blog anymore. That's kinda stupid don't you think?

Anyways, less than 2 days to go.

Fight, babes. Fight.

Think

The rest of your life is a long time and whether you know it or not it's being shaped right now. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices or you can fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is but for the most part you get what you give. Let me ask you all a question. What's worse, not getting everything you wished for or getting it but finding out it's not enough?
The rest of your life is being shaped right now with the dreams you chase, the choices you make and the person you decide to be.
The rest of your life is a long time and the rest of your life starts right now.

-Haley James-Scott, One Tree Hill

Who I was wasn't me.

Damn... I forgot what I wanted to write... Again. Again, as in I thought of what I wanted to write yesterday morning, forgot it by evening, remembered it again when I woke up today. And now I lost it again. Something to do with waking up, perhaps?
I've been thinking (Again, I know) lately and I kinda like reflected upon my life (Waaa, reflection eh! Cool right?). What I've gathered is that just like life is filled with sad times and happy times, it's also filled with good and bad people.
Some where out there some bimbo is going "Oh my god, it took her THINKING and REFLECTING to realise this? What is she, an idiot?"
Just so you know, I did know this like we know that time shall move and the sun shall rise. But have you ever actually thought about it? About why time moves and doesn't stop and what exactly is time but the mechanical movement of a needle on a face that has numbers inscribed upon it?

You know there are good people out there because there are a few (very very few) who put themselves in harm's way in a selfless act of compassion. And you know there are (a whole lot) of bad people out there because there's that woman who killed her pregnant friend with a table leg and dug out the fetus and bla bla bla.
Yeah of course we do, we read them in the papers all the time! OK, I don't read but I'm guessing some people might.
How much of these stories apply to you? I for one will admit that I've never crossed paths with a serial killer before. These are just stories out there that will probably never touch your life. So how do you know that in YOUR life, there are good and bad people too? That, my friend, is where reflection comes in.

Thinking about it, forgotten names and blurred faces pass through my head. There are those people that brought sunshine to my nights, people who brought dark clouds into my days and the people who didn't have any effect on my personal solar system at all. I'm sorry to say but the last kind was my least favourite.
Don't you think you owe it to yourself to try to influence (in a positive or negative way, depending on your own liking) the world you live in?
OK, maybe not all of you are as driven in such a sense as I am but I just feel like you only have this one life. Once it's gone it's gone. So how would you like to be remembered? Worse yet, what if nobody remembers you at all? So start leaving you footprints people. Even if it be just in the sand.

In my past, there had been people who helped me grow, mature and yet still stay in touch with the part of me that still wants to climb trees and play in the rain. I hope I don't end up being the kind of person who grew up but forgot why she grew up for.
Right now, I'm sure, I want to live because I want to be able to do the things I want to do better.
What are they? Well, when I've gotten hold of them I'll remember to inform you.
When I say 'you', I don't actually know who I'm talking to. But then a lot of the time I talk to myself so I guess for me it's not so weird. An alter-ego perhaps?
I don't really remember where I was going with this.... Damn.

Oh yeah, clouds and sunshine. Well, I used to regret the wrongs I did or the dark moments I had and sometimes, even the dark clouds I met. But I seem to have reached a point of thought where I realise that giving up even a little bit of what you did would change who and where you are today by a thousand miles.
Take, for instance, the girl who nearly went to Russia and whom I would have never met if not for last-minute changes and sudden impulses.
A little bit goes a long way. I'm sure this is like a slogan for some company or something...
There's a song line by some crappy boy / girl band back in the old days (as in when I was younger) that went something like "don't give up any one of your dreams, because you never know which one you let go would have made you complete". I'm pretty sure it was Westlife.

This probably applies to your life too. Don't let go any part of your past because you never know what kind of impact a nanometer of change could have on the present. Unless you're currently in a place you don't like right now. In which case my advice would be stop regretting and start moving forward.
What I'm really trying to say is that I don't know what I did wrong or right or what I didn't do in my past that got me here, but it's safe to say that I love where I am now and I wouldn't give it back for the world.


I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind.

And the forest will give us the answers

I know I should be studying. I know I shouldn't be here. I know I shouldn't have watched 'No Country For Old Men' just now. I know a lot of things.
Unfortunately, I don't know anything about anatomy. Or immunity. Or antibiotics.
Turns out, I don't know a lot of things too.
I've managed to not finish a week of lectures in a week.
However, I've managed to finish 3 levels of Resistance, 3 movies, and catch up on The Ellen Show. A lot of accomplishments, none of them useful.
I know, I know. So go do some useful ones.
Easier said than done, eh?
Have a lot on my mind. Read me write this line too many times before?
But what is life but a cycle that repeats itself.
It ain't a mountain. It's a wheel. Ups and downs, rolls you all around. Mainly, everything just repeats itself. Might be in a different place, different time. But it's still spinning the same way it did way back when and where.
I forgot who, either Mark Twain or J.F. Kennedy, maybe not even them. Some old timer anyway. He said "three can keep a secret, if two were dead".
The question is, which two?