My Brother

.....the skinny one.
As most of you know, I have 2 brothers, the fat one and the skinny one. The skinny one, though wacky as he may be, seems to have an iota of supporters among my friends so I thought I should perform my duty and inform all my companions about how wrong their impression of him is. Seriously, I can never in a million year imagine anyone ever admiring him.... What have this world came too?
Actually I first thought of this post while I was thinking about my family's eating habits and I came to a conclusion -- Having a doctor in the family DOES NOT guarantee a healthy diet. Honestly, my father (the doctor) eats the most unhealthy of food ever, like all those pork fat and cheese and those ham, bacon and pork sausages. And apparently, he can push himself to graduate from medic school but he can't resist a bowl of ice cream. And my eldest bro is an extremely easy case. Serious, his eating habits and pattern largely conforms to either a horse or a polar bear, the only difference is instead of taking large amounts of food before going into hibernation during the winter, he takes large amounts all year long, 365 days a year. Plus he basically eats anything and everything you can put on a plate. Or a bowl. Or a cup... You get what I mean.
Now, the star of the post, the creme de la creme of the family, the skinny brother, Lin. If he had his way around the world, every type of food would have either maple syrup, milk or blueberries in it. Every time I cook something when he's within a 1 mile radius, he would somehow be insane enough to suggest I add a little maple syrup or milk into the list of ingredients. Honest. He wants me to cook omelet with milk and maple syrup, and even fried rice, and fried noodles.... EVERYTHING! It's like, he thinks maple syrup and milk are jeans or something. You know, jeans goes with 97.99% of clothing. In fact, if he had his way, even home funitures and office supplies will contain 10% maple syrup and 6% blueberry. Imagine this, you browse through some funiture and the salesman tells you, "M'am, I would highly recommend this couch. It comes with 13% organic maple syrup and 5.49% home-grown blueberries. Chiropractors highly recommend this model too because the sugary products in it will, with some chemically unexplained way, attract ants to it, hence making sure nobody can sit on it without getting irritated for more than 10 minutes. Believe me, it can totally wipe out the couch potato in your husband."
Oh, and don't forget Lin's obsession with giving out-of-this-world wacky names to pets and soft toys. He practically renames all my cute and cuddly plush toys to suit his mentally unstable and psychopathic nature. He also suggests that all pets should have "cool" (in his own definition) names, like say.... A pet pig should be named "War Boar", or a dog (regardless if it's a cute and tiny chihuahua or a merciless Rotweiler) should be named "Demonic Reincarnation of Lucifer". And you guys think I'm crappy...
No points for guessing where I learned to call myself a God. Yap, it's him. It's all him. He refers to himself as either PoHE (Peak of Human Evolution) or Great & Merciful God, Creator of The World. So if this world was to spin according to his whims and fancies, all of you will be bowing down before him and calling him Great God and offering him a human sacrifice stuffed with blueberries while he sits on a majestic chair made of milk and maple syrup that resembles a gigantic blueberry.
Not to forget how all of you will have to put up with his annoying habits as his horrendous voice booms across towns and cities on the P.A. system as he, yet again, gives out a boring lecture about Evas (from Neon Genesis Evangelion) and killer pandas. Yes, he has this habit of morphing cute animals into mass-murdering monsters.
And we'll all have to say goodbye to hip-hop and rap music. Come to think of it, we'll have to bid farewell to pop music too, and put up with stupid country songs. Not that I hate country songs or whatever.
And all the reality TV shows will become like this :
DAY 1
*humongous explosion takes place, some humans run around in a frenzy, suddenly door bell rings* *camera zooms out to show a couple of college boys sitting on a sofa watching MI3*
Guy 1 : Hei, is that our pizza? Dude, go get it, I'm starving.
Guy 2 : Why should I get it? You go, I'm lazy.
Guy 3 : *still staring at TV* Man, why doesn't anything like that happens in OUR life?

Day 2
*scene of people harmoniously sitting at some roadside cafe chatting, suddenly, a women tries to cross the road and "splat" gets run down by a trailer moving at a zillion miles per hour* *camera spins to show the same 3 guys sitting on the same sofa watching Final Destination 2*
Guy 3 : See? Now this is what I mean. Why doesn't this happen in OUR life?
Guy 1 : Dude, like, that's a movie *taps Guy 3's Head*. It's supposed to show what DOESN'T happen in our life. Duh~
Guy 2 : Hei, have you studied for tomorrow's test?
Guy 1 and Guy 3 : Oh yeah, I forgot.
*switches off TV*

Serious. My brother can't stop complaining about why "REALITY" TV shows never show the reality and rarely ever shows the truth. Oh, and any of you know the song "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira? There's this part in the lyrics where Wyclef sings "Baby move your body like you come from Columbia" or something like it. Lin reckons the MV should show a woman wandering aimlessly down a back alley with blood-shot eyes and weed in her hands. Because the term "Columbian drug lord" wasn't created for no reason.
The good point of him is, (I don't quite agree to this but he insists it's true) he doesn't discriminate by race or religion. According to him, stupidity knows no boundary of genes or nation, it exist everywhere. And in some part it is true because quite frankly, he DOES have a lot of opinions on every single race and religion. If you didn't know him better, you would spend a good couple of hours from your precious life trying to figure out what race he is because he discriminates and insults everybody. Indians, Malays, Malaysian-Chinese, Burmese, China-Chinese, Kiwies, Aussies, Columbians (proven above)... Everyone! Yes, he insults Burmese and Chinese people too although we are both of those races.
OK, now here is the REAL good point. If he took control of this world, everyone and anyone who dares to cut a tree without sufficient reason, kills endangered species for whatever purpose, eats shark-fin or tries to pollute this world will be tortured to death and will be resuscitated so he / she will get tortured all over again.