Live

So much night time traffic. A car comes and drops off one. Leaves, into the night. Another passes, back from the dark. There's a glitter in its windshield, the glare from another's headlights. Off,the third, under the moonlight. Here comes the fourth. My ride :) and I'm off to the cinemas.

Living the university life, most of us having originated not from JB, we find ourselves on our own two feet. Life of hostelites without the restrictions of hostel-life. We come and go as we please. We sleep and wake in whose ever room we choose. We literally eat, pray and love together in this town so far away from our families.

Who would have known that this life, would give me so much stress? Some times, it feels as if I'm floating around. A driftwood in a torrential river, being beaten and pulled along by the currents. Having to juggle school, others and self just overwhelms my being. In dealing with all of them, I am unable to handle a single one of it.

And then there are times when I just feel so grounded. When I look around me and realise if this is where I am right now, then damn I've done good. And it makes me smile from my liver and spleen.
Most often, it is never the achievements or the plans I've made. The books I've read nor the signatures I've accumulated. Most often, it is the faces around me that anchors me to live. I've been over this so many times, over and over again like nagging mother. But honestly, when can you ever stop being grateful for the friends you've had, especially with friends like mine. And if you're able to answer that with a definitive date, then my friend, you ungrateful bastard.

It's 3am and I just got back from the movies. I've been so screwed in my head these past few days. So many hours of back and forth, not knowing which way is coming or going. Those times when you think surely, this must be the end. That somehow some lightning will strike me down and end my misery soon. It's hard to describe how I felt, except with the words miserable.
Then I went to the movies with Pat, and I'm back to reality. I haven't been able to smile this genuinely, with an empty mind, for quite some time now.

We, at least I do... I like to think we are self sufficient. I know I cannot be an island. But sometimes I think hey, maybe I'm at least a peninsula. Then moments like these arrive where I'm able to just sit back, relax and be myself in the company of another. To let go of doubts and fears and accept who I am... Empty your mind in the garden, right? It feels great to be in the midst of like-minded company.
I don't want to be an island anymore. I want to be an archipelago.

:D note to self: immerse yourself.