Football : The Craze

OK, so basically, I'm just a typical, average teenager from Malaysia and everything is fine and dandy until we reach a certain point in my personal life: Football.
I hate it. I despise it. I loath it. I'm a gret fan of basketball, and any fool can make out that the complete opposite of basketball would be football. Here in Malaysia, basketball is a pretty Chinese dominated sports which would mean less support from the government and I think that because people are so crazy about football, they're actually overlooking basketball. My reason for hating this sports pretty much sucks, I know. In fact, I actually like playing it. I was a part of my school's handball team which is like football and basketball plused into one game and it gave me many chances to play football and it was pretty fun. Except when it comes to cheering my school team on because they totally suck (no offence) and most of the time I'm just watching 20 men chase after a single ball aimlessly, including the part where they have to aim the ball towards the goal. Funny cause even a non-player like me knows that you're supposed to shoot the ball within the boundaries of the 3 metal bars but 90% of the time I'm just seeing the ball go way up or way wide. On a side note, these men would be great for American football because there, you're required to kick the ball ABOVE the bar.
Wait, what I was talking about just now... Oh, the football craze. Yes.
You see, despite all my previous statements about how worthless football is, I find myself actually eager to watch those matches and I make sure I catch all the matches at 11p.m. I couldn't really be bothered to stay up till 3a.m. but my point here is, I'm watching football. I'm getting into the craze against my better judgement.
I even prepare snacks and beverages to consume during the 90+ minutes it would take to finish the match and spend most of that time period going, "*toot* Even my 3-legged outer-space grandma could kick better than you!". Before this craze actually started, I was telling myself I wouldn't get pulled into this tornado and thought it was stupid to sit in front of a grey box for more than an hour just to watch a helpless white ball being kicked around the field. Now that it has, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's match.
OK, I've been trying to think how so many people could actually learn to love one game so desperately and have came to several conclusions. You guys might think I'm just wasting my time but seriously, any game that could kill a man or make a billion people stay up all night anticipating it or get so many citizens of different hues and stripes to momentarily forget all about the suffering and pain going on around them and just be there for this moment when the game is played is simply... Amazing. If we could turn what makes football so successful into a business plan, you might be reading the blog of a future Donald Trump (not the ugly hairstyle part!) in the making.
Anyway, reason number one why football is so celebrated. It's cheap. No, I'm not talking about the RM700 Nike boots I saw the other day. I'm talking about the cost of conducting a simple game. Name me any other sport which can be played with just 3 things: space, ball (or anything that resembles a ball of any type), 4 objects. Space is for where the game will be conducted, "ball" is what they will be kicking and the 4 objects can vary from street lamps to the flip-flops you're wearing which will be used to signify the goal posts. That's it, that's all you need. Every other game needs something else. Basketball needs a hoop, American football needs too many things to list out, table tennis needs a paddle and a table. In short, no other game is as simple as this.
Reason number two: Any other game that can be played with less than or the same amounts of equipments as football cannot be played by a crowd. For example, running. It can be achieved with nothing involved yet it isn't a team sports which mean less chances of communication which leads to less interests in it. As for football, the player number can range any where from 2 to maybe 13 or 14 on each side. I mean, if the players are actually using the filed, 2 or 3 extra players wouldn't make a difference.
Reason number three: The ball is easy to find. Back in high school, the guys used to roll up paper and tie them up with a cellotape and that would become a ball. As for the more fortunate classes where the blackboard duster is still around, that would become the ball. My mom said young monks in the Burmese monasteries would roll up their robes and tie it with a string and kick it around for sports. People can kick tin cans as a ball too. So basically, it can happen with anything.
Reason number four: Because of the reason I've mentioned above, football has become a very popular sports among the active citizens of the world. As a result, these people spread this interest to other (I did say they're active, right?) and it just keeps on spreading. I mean look at people like Mel and Yimay! They would probably melt away if you place them 5 minutes under direct sunlight yet they're watching football and have their own team to support. In other words, at first it starts off as just an interest. Then these people spread the interest which is easy because of the reasons I stated and sooner or later, it becomes like this code of sorts where if a guy doesn't like football although he doesn't have any other sports to get seriously involved in, he ain't a man or something. Some people would actually take it as an insult if you ask them, "Hei, have you been watching the World Cup these days?". And yes, I'm speaking from experience. So this sport becomes sort of like and disease that spreads faster than flu, infecting everybody that isn't cut off from the world. As for the football fanatics, when you have so many people interested in a game, you're bound to find fanatics. I mean, it's all about statistics. If you point at a random person walking down a busy and bustling New York street, one time or the other you're bound to point at an Asian person, right?
So, there you have it. I'm actually ashamed to admit it but seems like I've got the football fever too. I'm actually planning on going to buy the German jersey as a show of support.

A Day In A Life

Today started on the right foot with me finally washing my SLK Kompressor (Translation: Small Little Kancil, Compact version). After don’t ask me how long, my little buddy has finally returned to its original white colour. OK, fine. It has ALMOST returned to its original white colour. It’s not really my fault that the car is so old it can’t look pearly white anymore, right? Whatever your answer is, I don’t care.

Later on, since my mom went to this charity / karaoke competition strictly for those whose age group is that one that thinks Sean Connery is hot, I decided to show my inborn talent in the kitchen by cooking up a delicious meal for me and my dad. The meal included soup, rice and self-made fish pâté. The whole fish pâté thing was going perfectly well up to the point where I seasoned it with some thyme, rosemary and oregano plus (I had to pound these myself) black pepper. The thing tasted great, I could say it was perfect! Fit for the kitchen of a master chef. I was so proud of myself I was beyond cloud nine, I think I actually touched cloud number eleven! But then came the hard part… Cooking is, or more specifically, frying it. What could be so hard with frying something right? Just pour some oil into the wok, heat it up and gently slide the fish pâté in. Are we missing a point here?

YES!! How in freaking Satan’s name do we make the thing stick together when it’s placed in oil? Actually the thing was looking great up to the point where it touched the oil, and then I covered the wok up to prevent the oil from splitter-splattering everywhere. A few very short minutes later, I opened the lid and found myself a… How do you describe that sort of texture, that sort of form?!? Well, basically, it looked like pieces of Styrofoam floating around on bubbling water. So, to prevent further loss of good food, dad and I settled for just micro-waved fish pâté. It wasn’t all that bad.

See? I did two useful things today! Actually I had more useful things to say but after the shopping trip just now, my memory seemed to have betrayed me. Oh, by the way, Slur, if you’re rejoicing over my failed attempt to make superbly good food (it turned out extremely good, but not superb), then just remember this: Misery loves company.

Oh, and another thing. I now officially declare the weather as my sworn enemy. Let me tell you how wicked it is! The past few days I have been dying to play basketball and (*gasps*) have been able to find friends to play with me but it freaking had to rain. One time, I saw the rain stop so gleefully hopped into my basketball clothes and got ready to leave the house (I even had my contacts on) but just as I picked up my SLK Kompressor keys, *bada-boom* it started raining again! I was so pissed; the word “pissed” is an understatement! However, today I had no friend and no intention to go play and guess what? Mr. Sun decided to finally make his long-awaited appearance. I swear to Myself if I had a long-enough hand, I would freaking slap the dark clouds and give Mr. Sun a good verbal spanking.

Yesterday the team I was supporting won! OK, I don’t really like the team but I love the jersey hence my complete support towards the team. Which is it? Germany!! I don’t really like Podolski but since he scored for Germany, guess I have to accept that fact now. However, the captain, I think his name is Ballack, was a little too eager to score, and it wasn’t a great day for Klose because he made a few good shots but the goalie caught them all.

Today is England vs. Ecuador and I don’t support either of them… But I’m still going to watch! I don’t know why! But it’s like, I hate football but I keep watching it! Will write a post about it soon. Now, it’s time for me to go curse and swear in front of the TV. By the way, I wanted Mexico to win yesterday but tough luck, eh?

Photos To Cheer Up Your Day

Having problems with you neighbour? Fear not! There's nothing a little bit of artistic talent can't solve.
A picture speaks a thousand words :
Nice way of getting the message across. I always love a sense of humour.
It's raining cars and cars.
Again, great advertising skills. These people are just killing us!
I guess this only applies in the US but it's still funny.
A new husband, anyone? Says here he got a good job. (^.^)

Stranded On An Island

OK, right now I'm just going around collecting funny stories and so, as you all already know, these aren't my works.
xxxxxx
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

• One Italian man has killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
• The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
• The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
• The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
• The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
• The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.
• The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
• The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
• The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
• The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

Testimonial of A Policeman

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...


Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback Line".

Nice Priest

A lady takes her lover to her house during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet to skip school. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she asked the man to hide in the same closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy, "Dark in here."
Man, "Yes it is."
Boy, "I have a baseball."
Man, "That's nice."
Boy, "Want to buy it?"
Man, "No, thanks."
Boy, "My dad's outside."
Man, "OK, how much?"
Boy, "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the same closet together again.
Boy, "Dark in here."
Man, "Yes, it is."
Boy, "I have a baseball glove."
Man, "How much?"
Boy, "$750."
Man, "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves and the ball. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?".
"1000$", says the boy.
Father," It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, it is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to the church and make you confess."
So they go to church and the father alerts the priest, makes the boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy, "Dark in here."
The Priest, "Don't start that shit again"

What's Going On?

It's no surprise a lot of people can't get their English right, it's not really their fault. I mean, think about it, English is probably the most unnecessarily complex yet most commonly used language in the world. I know that more people in this world speak Chinese than English but this, too, isn't that odd considering the amount of Chinese people around the world, but even so, English is the universal language and the onslaught of globalisation requires that we have a good command over it, hence the need for us youngsters of the world to grab it by the throat and slaughter it.
However, from my observation, this ain't going too smooth, especially when signs like these exists :
If Henry Higgins from "My Fair Lady" were to see this, he would become the modern day Jack the Ripper, vowing to destroy all those who use such stupid English. Just look at it! Accordng to this poster, we are to be serve Hainanese Chicken set cooked by a chicken itself! I bet when that chicken goes to "Chicken Hell", he is going to get one hell of a beating for betraying his own kind and serving them to us. Ladies and gentlemen, that's not all. We are also to eat rice that have been tasted by other people. I mean, who knows where his hands have been before he comes to taste our rice and don't even get me started on the possibility that he drools. Oh, by the way, I have a feeling this shop is totally over-charging because we have to pay them $5 just to put our legs in whichever position we would like when we're seated.
Anyway, I was saying English is a tough language right? Here are some things that I can't figure out. Would appreciate some help if you guys don't mind.
1) Why do we say "in the morning" and "at night" but not vice versa?
2) If "don't" is the short form of "do not", why is it OK to say "Don't you dare run away." but wrong to say "Do not you dare run away."?
3) Same as number 2, but my English is a little poor so I don't know if this sentence is correct. Can "Why can't you just leave?" be said as "Why can not you just leave?". No, right?
If you guys have anything else to say, then feel free to just comment. And let me leave you guys with a few translation that have gone terribly wrong.

1. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
   Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed. (Naughty naughty~)
   
2. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
   Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. (This is what I call "Great Advertising")
   
3. In a Tokyo bar:
   Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. (Hahahaha!!!!!!!!)
   
4. In a Bangkok temple:
   It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. (What the...)
   
5. Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
   The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
6. Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
   To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. (Can anybody tell me what this means?)
   
7. Hotel lift, Paris:
   Please leave your values at the front desk. (I know people are getting more and more materialistic but to ask your customers to leave their values? That is cheap!)
   
8. Hotel, Athens:
   Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily. (What if we had nothing to complain about? Do we really have to do it "daily"? What if I can't wake up so early! God, staying in this hotel is so stressful.)
   
9. Hotel, Yugoslavia:
   The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. (Okie dokie.)
   
10. Hotel, Japan:
    You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. (I must say this is my favourite translation.)
    
11. Taken from a menu, Poland:
    Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. (You let your roasted ducks loose but you beat your beefs up like there's no tomorrow? OK.)
    
12. Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
    Drop your trousers here for the best results. (I'm getting a really funny and not so decent image in my head now.)
    
13. A sign posted in GermanyΆs black forest:
    It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for this purpose. (PLease enlighten me here because I have always believe that there are only 2 sexes in this world, which is male and female. How come they make it sound as if "men and women" are just 2 of the many sexes that exist?)
    
14. Hotel, Zurich:
    Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. (I bet this is just a way for the hotel management to watch free porn.)
    
15. Tailor shop, Rhodes:
    Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.
16. A laundry in Rome:
    Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. (The owner of this shop must be a very perverted guy.)
    
17. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
    Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages. (oh my god, pregnant ladies should stop going on horse-driven city tours if this sign is any good.)
    
18. Advert for donkey rides, Thailand:
    Would you like to ride on your own ass? (Too funny to pass.)
    
19. In the window on a Swedish furrier:
    Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. (Ah~ the price of beauty.)
    
20. Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
    Stop. Drive sideways. (Is that even possible?)
    
21. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
    We take your bags and send them in all directions.
22. Cocktail lounge, Norway:
    Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. (OK, next time any of you wanna give birth, don't go to this bar.)
    
23. At a Budapest zoo:
    Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
    
24. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
    Cooles and heates: If you want just condition of warm air in your room, please control yourself. (Hahahahaha!!)
    
25. Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
    When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Had a great time looking for these. (^.^)

Say It Write!

Can you imagine me getting up at 7a.m. during the holiday and dragging my dead and cold feet across the room and into the shower all for the sake of going to school? Oh, have I already mentioned it's a holiday? Just so this point strikes home in your brain : IT'S A FREAKING HOLIDAY!!
Anyway, there I was early in the morning cursing and swearing at my stupidity for signing up to that "Say It Write" course and vowing never to do something this stupid that would force me out of the comfort of my soft and cozy bed at 7a.m., ever again. But of course, haven't I vowed to never do such things for like only a million times? Look where it got me. Thinking twice, of course I added Terms and Conditions : "Unless that thing is really cool." By the way, my definition of "cool" may vary greatly from that of a normal teenager's. For example, I think reading a good book for hours on end is cool.
OK, putting that aside I finally managed to get my lazy ass ready and my tummy full before MShern came and was actually on time to leave for the course. Shows you what sort of great determination I have. Such self-control that prevents me from running back into the arms of Jackie (my cute soft-toy dog) and sleeping till the sun shines up my nostrils, which, by the way, will never happen because my bed isn't placed in that position. In other words, I wanted to sleep forever.
So, got to college. Crammed with Pat into a room full of high school students, thought how uncomfortable the hard wooden bench is on my half-asleep butt, and prepared myself for an hour of hopefully very useful and worthwhile talk. I must tell you, I wasn't disappointed. The speaker for our first course "Changing Personal Experiences Into Narrative Stories" was by Robert Rayner who is a professional writer and also a lecturer somewhere. He is actually a very good speaker and got probably the whole lecture theater hooked on every single one of his words. He's quirky and full of expressions and wasn't afraid to show them. He also had a great sense of humor and got of laughing through out the whole talk. He thought us the basic writing skills and a few task. He also supplied us with lots of example written by himself of how paragraphs or stories should not turn out to be, and most of them were on a comedic side. The best example he gave was a story that was too tentative and lost its taste there. It was about a scary ghost story that wasn't scary at all unless you think "Scary Movie" is scary. It wrote about a boy who wanted to tell us about a haunted house but didn't want to believe that ghost exists either, and he was afraid of ghosts yet he didn't want to admit it either. The whole story went something like this :
So, there is this house that looks scary, especially at night, it's really creepy, you know? I was walking pass that house, and it was night, you know, and it was sort of scary, but I wasn't scared or anything. Then I saw a ghost. I didn't actually see a ghost, but I think I saw a white thing flying above the ground. Well I don't know if it's flying or what you know? It just wasn't standing on the ground like normal. Not that I was scared or anything, but I ran out of the place like, kind of as fast as possible.
OK, it was a lot funnier than this crap because I didn't really copy it down. The whole story was just filled with "sort of" and "kind of" and you don't know if he's scared or not and whether he saw a ghost or a "flying white thing".
Although Mr. Derek thought the talk was too basic and wouldn't have been much use of me, I beg to differ. To tell you the truth, I haven't really like, learned English before, so this talk provided me with a fun and useful approach that I believe I can really put to use.
Anyway, during the talk Mr. Rayner asked us to write down a few titles of articles we could write that is based on our personal experiences and asked us to focus on one of those titles and I chose "Public Toilets : The Psychological Trauma".

Smart Translators

You guys know Malay, right? OK, all of you do except Pat. Anyway, ever watched English movies that turn out to be kind of boring so you start reading the subtitles below to entertain yourself and you find yourself laughing your head off? Chances are, you're reading the Malay subtitles then.
Anyway, I told you guys I went to watch "16 Blocks" with MShern and Farhan right? So, there came this part where some guy shouts (pardon the vulgar word) "Fuck off!". Surprisingly, all 3 of us just happened to read the subtitles at that time and guess what we saw?
"Pergi jumpa hantu!!"
Seriously, I never knew the F word had such a meaning. "Jumpa hantu"? By the way, Pat, that phrase above means "go find a ghost". I mean, out of all other translations such as "Celaka!" (which I think means "bastard") or "Pergilah kau!" which means "go away", they had to use "pergi jumpa hantu"! It's as wrong as Pat saying the prawns are bouncy and the noodle jiggle-ly! Rude and lame joke alert : The next time you need to fuck, just take out an Ouiji board, call up some ghost and get the party started. The best part of it all? I doubt dead people have STD, neither can they get pregnant. I mean even if they DO get pregnant then the baby would be a ghost and as far as I know, ghosts don't eat or what not right?
And I think I've complained about this many times before but I just can't stand the way Astro always translates "a couple of" as "dua" which means "2". I know "couple" means two but "Hell-o?!" in this context it means, "some"! I wonder how much they pay these translators. I bet the fees are low so only the dumb ones go to work for them. Oh, best chaotic translation I've ever seen? Remeber the movie "Day After Tomorrow"? It was this really awesome movie where global warming bring forth the end of the world and hence the question is what will happen the day after tomorrow after the world has ended. Anyway, those smart-ass people translated such a meaningful title as "Lusa"!! OK, fine, I know "lusa" literally means day after tomorrow but come on, it's just wrong! It's like the time they translated "Hellboy" which was shown in Malaysia under the title "Super Sapiens" as "Manusia Super", or was it "Sapien Super"? Well, it was somewhere along those lines.
Oh, on a side-note, Farhan's lameness reaches new bounderies. For a few moments in MSN, he put his nickname as "pergi jumpa HAN-tu". So the next time you ask someone to fuck off, you're actually asking them to go meet Farhan.

The White Unicorn

     Today is the last day of our test, or should I call it “Semester Exam” to make it sound grander? Well, whatever you call it, the main point is it’s over and we have 12 days to enjoy ourselves before all the headaches, hustle and bustle of the student life starts again.
     Wait, what the hell am I talking about? “Headaches”? The only reason I get headaches is because of too much movie and too little time. “Hustle and bustle”? Quite frankly, the only hustle and bustle in my life before today was planning where to go hang out or which movie to watch first, or when we’re going to the arcade again. I’ve seriously deteriorated into a low-life status ever since I entered college… *sweats*.
     Anyway, exam is over and I think I didn’t do that badly. I mean I just totally messed up my Chemistry, and my Biology… And messed up like 40% of my Pure Maths. Did I just say I did OK? I changed my mind. Now we’ll try to focus our energy and attention to the start of a 12 day holiday and try to forget for a second here that I’m once again going to flunk my test.
     Today I learned 2 news adjectives. Actually, I’ve known those 2 words since the beginning of time but it’s this certain kind of usage that I wasn’t aware of. Thank you, Pat, for enlightening me. First “new” word: BOUNCY. What’s so special about it? Well, Lexus and Pat went out to eat char koay teow today and since Lexus doesn’t take prawns, she gave them all to Pat and Pat refused or something (not very sure of the incidents) and she wanted to convey the message that the prawns aren’t FRESH across to Lexus. However, Pat being Pat, she just couldn’t use a simple and understandable plus what any average Jane would use, she had to say “The prawns aren’t bouncy.”
     For a moment there, she completely lost Lexus, just like Lexus had us totally amazed by Pat choice of words when she relayed this story to us. Then she moved on to describe something else, I’m not sure what it was but it’s another type of food. At this point, she got tired of the word “bouncy” and decided to widen out vocabulary more by introducing us to another adjective. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to describing a type of food as “JIGGLE-LY”. Pat, if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if you would tell us what you were trying to describe here.
     So, getting back to things I (I would like to use the word “achieved” here but sadly, I would be committing a very grave sin if I did.) managed to do today. I started my very first time of revising for today’s Biology test at about 8a.m. in MShern’s car. I thought me only finishing 3 our of I think 8 chapters for Chemistry was bad enough but today, I amazed myself by actually going into the exam room with about only one and a half hour of studying done beforehand. No matter though, I mean it’s only an exam right? Like when you fall down a flight of stairs and hurt your leg so badly they had to amputate it and then the doctor will go, “It’s just a leg, honey. No sweats.”
     Or when you get crashed by a speeding bus and you’re lying on the operating table awaiting the Reaper to come lead you away then some hot nurse will come in, hold your hand and say, “I know you’re scared right now, but seriously, it’s just a life. No worries honey.”
     Well, whatever. What’s done is done, right now I should focus on having the time of my life because I don’t know for what twisted reason but KDU Penang is very stingy when it comes to awarding us with long-needed holidays. I don’t care if Armageddon comes knocking at my door because right now, it’s all about me and fun. (Psst~ don’t tell my mom I just said that.) My plans for the holiday include going to the BBQ party this Sunday, hopefully going to participate in the AND1 3-3 match which is also on Sunday. Then there’s another 3-3 match on July 2nd at Gurney but I haven’t found a team yet. I wonder when the closing date is. This Friday, me, MShern and Farhan will be going to that writing course held at our school. Then we also plan on going to Genting although the plan isn’t certain yet. I guess that’s all. Oh, and I have to go out with Wai Cheng and Wanlin during the holiday too.
     As for what I did today, I finished Bio exam at 11.30a.m., went out to eat fried Indian noodles with “us” (referring to myself, Farhan and MShern). But then before I ordered, San came to pick me up so I left the 2 of them at the shop and proceeded to Gurney. The initial plan when heading towards Gurney was to grab a bite then San would do her homework while I sat beside her looking pretty like a doll but then we got to the cinema floor and San saw that we were just in time for “The Omen” so we had a swift change of plans and bought tickets to watch that cute little antichrist. Seriously, when he pouts his cheeks, he is absolutely adorable. The movie was kind of scary up until the point where the mom (Julia Stiles) died. OK, it wasn’t really that scary and the plot rather old but since I’m a fan of Ms. Stiles, I feared she would die and every time something bad headed her way, I would cower behind my hands and peek through the gaps to make sure the coast is clear before re-emerging. But then she was killed by an idiotic ugly nanny who is supposed to be 60 years old but looks like she’s barely 40. After that I couldn’t really care less about what happened to the characters in there and the movie become pleasant.
     After the movie, San dropped me off in front of KDU (That *toot* didn’t even have the decency to drive me in and kicked me out at the roadside.) Then I went to join GP class and waited until the rest of the class finished their Physics paper. After that I tried to reduce my “LS” syndrome a little bit but I’m guessing Slur should reload her phone credit as soon as possible because I’m going to annoy her to death by using her as a distraction. By the way, the “LS” part is only for Slur to understand so don’t worry if you don’t know what’s going on.
     Then they finished class and “us” went to Gurney Plaza again and this time, we watched “16 Blocks”. I don’t know why I heard someone saying it wasn’t good because all 3 of us enjoyed it. I mean the story was fresh and the characters were lovable. So currently, the only movie left in the cinemas that we haven’t watched yet would be “Runaway Vacation”. Of course on 22nd June, “Stay Alive” and “Take the Lead” will premiere and we would have more things to watch. Yipee~!!
     Anyway, Pat and Lexus, don’t ditch me on the trip to Genting, come along. And promise you guys won’t miss the BBQ party this Sunday, aight?

Music : "Windoe 2 ya' soul, brada~"

You know how some people say they express themselves through art and music and all those crap like that? This is especially said by those wannabe losers who can't even hold a tune and don't know the difference between singing and screaming. Can't blame them though, both words start with "s", right?
Anyway, some can't hold a tune, some can't sing a tune, some can't WRITE a tune. However, this post is about someone who can write a tune (assuming he writes his own songs) yet can't actually put the message across. Who am I talking about? Let's just say this, "I sincerely hope Sean Paul ain't wishing someone will come knocking at his door one day and tell him how they can totally bond with his song and how it touches that very chord in their life they haven't been able to express."
OK, I was listening to songs then I suddenly heard Sean Paul's voice singing "Just give me the cheese and I'll go smoke kuay teow". I was like moving to the beat then suddenly "Toot! Kuay teow!? Even if you eat kuay teow you're supposed to fry it, not smoke it!". But of course, he doesn't eat kuay teow... I went to check the lyrics out and it turned out he was singing "Just gimme the gees an' we be clubbin' y'all". The rest are what other craps I heard through out the song.
Sean Paul - We'll Be Burnin'
Kid don't make me, please so don't provoke it y'all.
Gal a make wi please and we be thuggin' now.
When I need no spades girl I'll go Coke it now.
Little hennesy an we'll be bubblin yow.
Set to minor T we got to take it south.
Set we mind at ease we got to take it slow.
*Oh my God, I just noticed even the lyrics banks got it wrong! Haha, I finally found the real lyrics here, this is the correct words for the verse :
Just gimme di trees and mek we smoke it yo (smoke it yo)
It don't mek we peace so don’t provoke it yo (voke it yo)
We nuh need nuh speed so we nuh need coke it yo (coke it yo)
Set ya mind at ease we gotta take it slow
Continuing my translations...
OK, now he said something about floating and soaking weed and I think he mentioned the song "Don de Replay" by Rihana. And he said the best meditation is an "upgrade Jamaican". Then he went boating and someone was shouting or something, but I thought you're supposed to be quiet when you fish? After that everything became a jumble and I just know I heard "I'm not the only occupation" (does this mean he's a prostitute or something and people come "do" him?) and "farmer's with goatees". Messed up? I know.

Sean Paul - Temperature
Let's kill our chick, sauna paw.
"The gal dem Schillaci, Sean da Paul"
Well women the way they turn Cola I wanna be keeping you on.
"Well woman the way the time cold I wanna be keepin' you warm"
Bought a coat girl with bulk foot with a worhtless Papa Ma.
"Make I see the gal them bruk out pon the floor from you don't want no worthless performer"
Mumble jumple about mechas and stuff along that line. Something about green bananas too, I think they meant mechas powered by bananas or something.
"From you don't want no man wey can't turn you on gal make I see your hand them up on ya.. Can't tan pon it long.....naw eat no yam...no steam fish....nor no green banana"
More crap about boob enlargement because I heard him saying "I got the remedy to get your chest out", and something about the Mazda Impreza. Then he said "insult me" and I definitely heard "bra".
"Bumper exposed and gal you got your chest out but you no wasters cause gal you impress out... And if you des out a me you fi test out,Cause I got the remedy to make you de-stress out.... Me haffi flaunt it because me God Bless out...And girl if you want it you haffi confess out... A no lie weh we need set speed a fi test the mattress out.."
Now this is bad. At this part I hear him reffering to songs by other people like Craig David's "Flava" and Aerosmith's "Jaded". The worst part is I heard him sing "I got know how fuck some gay". Excuse me for being rude but I seriously heard that.
"Gal don't say me crazy now, this strange love it a no Bridgette and Flava show..
Time fi a make baby now so stop gwaan like you a act shady yo...
Woman don't play me know, cause a no Fred Sanford nor Grady yo."

Player, Player, Pants On Fire

OK, this has GOT to be the quote of the year. ShirLing and Mae will probably know this as it’s from a show both of them are crazy about, and the fact that it was said by their favourite character makes it even better.

I like you a lot, but I like a lot of people.

Now that is what I call the complete and superb quote for players. Seriously, if I ever end up playing the field, this would be my most said phrase, ever. It’s like saying “Hei, I like you; you want to get with me? Oh, but if you say “yes” then beware cause I admit I’m not too famous for my ability to stay loyal, and I absolutely do not support monogamy.”
By the way, I still hate that show and don’t ask me which is it.

It's Only Words.

Ok, so you guys know about those stupid SMSes where they ask you to “Describe xxx friend in one single word.”? To tell you the truth, I hate those kind of messages. In fact, I hate most messages or emails that are just blindly forwarded to every single contact in your address book or Friends and Family number list, regardless of what meaning it holds.
Anyway, that’s not my point. Just now, I was thinking, instead of describing a friend in one word, why don’t I try to describe MY LIFE in one word? Or at least find a single word that could signify as large a portion of my life as possible. Now, this might come as a surprise to all of you as, well, frankly speaking, I’m not that well-known for being able to keep my mouth shut, or in this case, try to fit such a long story into a single word. However, I would like to argue for myself because, let’s face it, how can any of you possibly fit 18 years of life into one single word? Unless you’re going to invent a word like “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” and give it your very own meaning that could span a few pages, I would say it’s not my fault I’m having so much trouble with this task. Oh, in case any of you were wondering, that unrecognizable word is the title from the album “Classic Disney Volume II” and is the soundtrack from Marry Poppins.
Allow me to stray from the point a wee bit here. I don’t get what the big deal about this woman who dresses in the dullest looking dress ever in the world and travels around town with a black umbrella is about. Honestly, so she could state the obvious that a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down but even my grandma (May she be happy as an angel in heaven) who have had no prior formal-education could have said that. Actually, I ever really watched Marry Poppins so correct me if I’m wrong here; she jumps down chimneys with a black umbrella? No wonder it’s black! And do I sense some Santa Clause-wannabe here?
Going back to where I started. I wanted to describe my whole entire 18 years of life in one single word and couldn’t come up with any. On the contrary, I came up with a lot of words I CAN’T describe my life with.

1. Magnificent. Don’t make me laugh. Which part of jumping around town (literally) sounds magnificent? If you would like to say someone like Albert Einstein is magnificent you might be forgiven because although his fashion sense is worse than MShern’s or Farhan’s, at least there was a single point in his life where all else seemed insignificant and his star shone the brightest of all. OK, I bet there were loads of moments of that sort in his life but I’m just giving an example here.

PS: I’m still holding a grudge against Farhan’s terrible choice of clothing when I went Father’s Day shopping with him.

1. Astonishing. Again, I repeat: “Don’t make me snort milk out of my nose as a result of laughing too hard”. Oh, wait, maybe I might be able to live up to this as I think it takes a lot of stamina and a brain that is able to process crap information at the rate of 1 million words per second to be able to be as lame and stupid as me, AND voice out all those lameness and stupidity.


2. Happy. Right, yes…. Now this might be acceptable. Let me think for a sec here. Oh wait, suddenly images of bad days where I feel like killing myself and taking the whole human population with me is entering my head. Oh, and some times it even drags on for weeks and I start getting these weird ideas of building a machine that could contact the alien world and maybe request them to invade our world like in “War of the Worlds” or something, anything that could end my miserable life and create misery for the rest of the population that’s still living 6 feet above me.


3. Calm. Did you miss the part about me jumping around everywhere I go? For fear that your answer is “yes”, let me repeat it: “A hyperactive monkey that is high on weed or any other drugs that is similar to the head-banging pills you get at parties would have a hard time trying to keep up with my activities when I’m in normal mode. When I’m in hyperactive mode, an atom that is highly charged and heated banging around a box with no resistance what-so-ever to its moment might be able to catch up with me.


4. Black. Now some of you must be going “Toot?” and believe me, I didn’t choose this adjective for myself either. I was asking San to describe me in one word and that’s the best she could come up with. Talk about lack of imagination…. *sweats*. Anyway, it is true though, I have been tanned for as long as I could remember but if memory and photographs of my childhood serve me right, I didn’t use to be this way and since it only describes the outer shell of me: REJECTED!!


5. Complicated. This might be partly true because I do have a lot of little secrets going on for me and it gives me such motha-tooting headaches at times but I’ve thought about it and realized, the only reason my life is so complicated is because I refuse to step up and make things right. You know some times you feel like life just shouldn’t be this way and someone your age shouldn’t suffer so much but when you really think about it, the only suffering you’re experiencing is the doubts in your mind and the lack of courage to end it all. I don’t mean “end it all” as in kill yourself; I meant it as in end all those worries and just be alive. Stop caring so much and started saying what you mean.


6. Hard. This is probably the furthest from the truth that I can get. I complain a lot about a lot of crap but when you take it all aside, I have a pretty easy life. Most of the people I know do. It’s just that human greed where we’re never content that makes us craze for more and make life hard for ourselves. I mean, it’s not like we have an evil stepmother asking us to scrub the floor with a toothbrush everyday or something, right? We just have those occasional exams which make us loose all our hair for a brief moment but in the end, they always grow back. Or maybe those months where we overspend and end up being broke for the last week of it but the next month comes and none of us starve to death. In a nutshell, we have it easy.

I’m not smart, I’m not rich, you could say I don’t have anything special which would make every other moment in my life seem tiny in contrast, but I guess one word which I can use (with plausible reasoning) is “lucky”. Why? Ask, Farhan, he would agree too because one of the evidence was shown to him yesterday when I totally trashed him at the MSN Minesweeper game where I just blindly pressed on buttons and scored continuously, even though I had no idea what the numbers were.

Dang It!

I just typed and posted a completely finished blog just now and the stupid Blogger couldn't connect or shit like that and I lost the whole post! God I'm so pissed off.
Anyway, in the time frame it took for me to cool down, I went to watch the World Cup match of Togo Vs Korea and found new reasons to NOT watch the World Cup.

1. It's football.
2. It's lengthy, wastes too much time.
3. 20 grown men chasing after a single ball? There must be better ways to waste nearly 2 hours of your life man.
4. It totally pisses you off. Might lead to further complications such as heart attack or blood vessel erupting in your head.

The first 3 points are pretty normal, we've all heard it. The last point is something I just found out. It was Togo vs Korea so of course I would support my Asian counterpart, I mean like duh~ Ugly black dudes or OK looking Asians?!
Anyway, it sucks. Not the game, the way they play. To be more specific, the way the Koreans play. The game is still underway so I don't know who will win but right now Togo is leading Korea one - nil. Do you know how it feels when you're supporting one team but the opponents are totally slaugthering them? It sucks, right to the core. I mean, I just wasted my precious time I could use to study Chemistry (which I'm having a test tomorrow) to watch it and guess what happens? The suck!
I was so pissed off man. It's like, ball goes towards Togo dude, Togo dude controls the ball to stop at his feet. Ball goes towards Korean guy, Korean guy somehow manages to kick or stop the ball so it WON'T stop but flies somewhere else, most probably to the Togo dude. Togo dude does a long pass during offensive mode, a few Togo dudes appear to receive the ball. Korean guy long passes, other Korean guys appear EVERYWHERE ELSE except where the ball goes. Togo dude attacks, he gets to at least the larger square box in front of the goal. Korean guy attacks, 2 scenarios pursue :

1. He kicks it stupidly so the ball flies a billion miles away from the goal.
2. He chickens out and stop the attack, THEN he kicks it stupidly so the ball flies a billion miles away from the goal.

Nice going, right? I bet this completely justifies my decision to not be a football fanatic. I hope this is a plausible enough reason for Dayrion and other guys out there to stop losing their sleep during the World Cup. I mean, is it really worth it to die of anger just for a stupid ball that you aren't even playing? By the way : NO, I don't watch the NBA.

Outdoor Activity With MAPs!

No, not "maps", it's "MAPs": Mentoring through Adventure Programmes.
We had a cooperation between MAPs and our very own Health Club last Saturday, and I'm very proud, happy and excited to say "I took part!"
The activity of the month (MAPs plans to have a different type of adventure activity every month) was raft building. OK, you hear this and the first thing that comes to mind is probably inflating an orange-coloured, ready-made life-raft with a hand pump and I know it sounds the complete opposite of cool, but boy are you wrong!
The day started of very very badly with me being a good half hour late to pick Farhan up but luckily, mixing with MShern so much has taught me to BE EARLY! Erm, well, I mean at least early in my sense... which would probably be like arriving at plus / minus 10 minutes from the actual time of the program. This is a great improvement as you will soon learn because I do have a reputation of succeeding my good friend ShirLing as the "Late Queen". But of course, since my plan with Farhan was to arrive like 20 minutes before the designated time, we ended up reaching there punctually. I call this great planning by a great mind (me).
Anyway, things didn't work in favour of me at that time too as I was honked a total of 2 times within the 2 minutes time frame it took for me to make a U-turn in front of Farhan's condo *sweats*. Then when we arrived, Pat came too and we were apparently too early as we sat on the bench rotting our epidermis away. First I had to rush out of the house cursing and swearing for being late, then I have to sit on a bench waiting for the flies to eat me... Right~.
OK, I'll cut to the point because currently, I'm sitting in front of the screen laughing to myself because images and memories of that day keep flashing in my head.
After a while, Jia Yuan and her gang came, then the MAPs people came and led us to the Tanjung Bungah Water Sports Centre. Then we ate and yadi-yada... Fast forward!
After all was said and done, Heng Kai (our leader) started an ice-breaking session where we had to throw a ball to someone in the group while calling out his / her name. That was kinda fun but a little boring. Then we upgraded to a game of (I'm giving the name myself) Hula-Cat & Mouse. Why? Because it involves a hula hoop (no idea how to spell it). We all had to stand in a circle holding hands and a hoop was placed on our hands, as in our hand was going through it. There were a total of 2 hoops and one hoop must never reach the other or the person loses. So it all started fine and dandy, the hoop passed through the girls one by one with no problem at all until suddenly, it reaches Farhan! He is the biggest klutz ever, I swear! And the worst part of it : The hoop was going from me to him, so if he fails then I'm going to get stuck with 2 hoops! Well, we all know Farhan is freaking tall compared to me, and since he had to put his head through the hoop, he kept tugging at my hand to get it over his head, and his hand just kept on going higher and higher until I can stretch no more and was screaming for him to stop growing so tall! OK, height problem solved. Then for no reason, I felt myself being tugged from the left side of Farhan to his right and my other hand was still attached to the other girl! I turned and realized he still haven't gotten his stupid head through the freaking hoop. At that time, we were being laughed like hell by the other members and I myself laughed until there were tears rolling out of my eyes and my tummy ached. Luckily though, we managed to get both hoops through us without fail. Hint for future : Don't stand beside Farhan if such a game occurs again.
After that we were divided into 3 teams, played another game and got the party started. The teams were : Farhan and Jia Yuan in Team Poseidon, Me and Lexus in Team Diamonds, Pat in Team Chilled.
We were given 5 long bamboos, 20 short nylon-ropes and 6 spare tyres with no instructions at all to build a raft that would hold 4 team members out to sea, around a platoon and back to shore. It sounds easy right? Inflate each tyre with a maximum of 200 pumps from the hand air-pump, line bamboos up, place tyres, tie ropes, end of story. First of all, we lost count of how many pumps we did for most of the tyres so I think we ended up over inflating them. Then we couldn't decide what shape we wanted our raft to be. Then we were faced with the stupidest problem of all : How in freaking god's name do you tie nylon ropes so they won't unravel?!!?
But all in all, our so-called "raft" was finished in time and it looked uber cool and all. Then each team had to make a sales-pitch to sell our own raft. Being the crappiest person in the whole world, I took on the task of giving a great and magnificent speech about shit like "aerodynamics", "cutting the water" and "stability" and what-not's. Oh, by the way, our "raft" was a square with no sharper points and no extra feature that would make it any more stable than a broken bottle floating around in the ocean. And the reason I wrote the word "raft" in inverted comas is because the thing we built could barely pass as rubbish floating on the sea.
It was a complete and total disaster! Our first task was to carry that thing from the shore to sea, so we picked it up with each of us holding a corner and "whoops~!", a tyre falls off. OK, no problem, just tie it back, right? Then just at that moment, the ever flexible Poseidon passes by us and shouts "Aww~ The diamond sank!". God, I hate those guys.
After repairing our "raft", we continue towards water and nooo~~!!! Another tyre falls off!! Never mind, try again. We finished tying it and join the rest of the crew for a simple water-confidence exercise, no biggie. Then we proceed to bring the "raft" into water and *oh my god* a vessel pops in my head. Another rope loosens! God, no wonder they say misery loves company. But never mind, third time's a charm, right? RIGHT???
Wrong. First, we paddle as hard as possible but we hardly move. We look up and see Chilled like 10 meters ahead of us and Poseidon was twice that distance.
{Thoughts in my head}
OK, calm down, do it again. 1, 2 GO! 1, 2 Go! Woh, look! I think we moved an inch! Oh wait, the stupid wave just pushed us back 10 inches! *toot* Look up again. Good, Chilled is still just around 10 meters ahead of us and seems to be struggling. Now where's Poseidon? Oh my god, stupid Farhan! They're so far away they are barely visible.
Now, don't give up. Poseidon will probably tire first.........Fast forward.
Gosh my hands are killing me. *looks around* "Why am I the only one paddling?!" Never mind, we'll catch up with Poseidon any time soon. I mean Chilled had to quit cause Pat got sea-sick so we ain't doing that bad.
{End of thoughts}
Anyway, the situation didn't get any better with Poseidon finishing 70% of the route while we could barely manage 40%. Then they finished the whole journey and we got stuck at 43%. Then the sun set and we gave up at 50%. OK, the sun didn't really set but I could see Mr. Moon coming out to greet us.
At the end of it, we had to pull pieces and parts of our "raft" out of the sea as unsurprisingly, that thing didn't make it 20% of the journey as a whole object. We deflated the tyres (that part was childishly fun), kept the stuffs and took a shower.
The day pretty much ended like that. The other members went for dinner but I needed to go home so Farhan skipped it too.
If I knew activities were this fun, I swear I would have gone to more camps back in high school. For anybody who missed that day : "Hahahahahaha! This will teach you to not join!".
Next month is rock climbing and absailing at Alor Setar. Please, please and please promise all of you will come!

AND1 3-3

There's going to be this AND1 3 on 3 competition held at Komtar on the 25th of June but the moda freaking *toot* organisers decided to once again be discriminatory and canceled the girls' category for the competition, leaving me and my fellow players extremely pissed off and desperate to enter.
So, since Looi ain't one who follows rules, we decided to play rough with them and made a plan to join regardless of what gender categories they have. So I'm predicting 3 scenarios right now :
1) We pass up the forms and the money and add our own category, the organisers give in and make a girls' competition.
2) We do the same thing and are forced to play with the guys.
3) We do the same thing, get rejected. We lose RM90.
Hopefully, it would be the first result coming out. Fingers crossed!!! Gosh, I'm so freaking pissed with the way they keep canceling the girls' matches. Other times we would have gone down without a fight but now, most of us have graduated and have too much spare time plus it's AND1 man! This is definitely worth the fight.
Well, I'm just damn excited bout this and hope everything goes as planned. Looi! Bega! Haha~ Finally we're in the same team again!

Happy Birthday Mei Ling!

I know it's still one day early but Happy Birthday Mei Ling! I would also like to take this chance and finally put Paris Hilton to good use by dedicating this crappy song she sang as a blog-gift for Mei Ling! The link here :
Paris Hilton - Happy Birthday (Crappy Version)
Well, that was definitely a joke. I hope she likes the REAL gift me, MShern, Slur and Farhan got her though.... I mean, Square Bear is totally cute, right? All thanks to MShern for spotting him! By the way, I don't like people referring to soft toys as "it" so I've decided that Square Bear is a guy, hence the term "him", and anyone who would like to talk about him will address him accordingly.
Today, is the 6th of June, 2006, which could also be written as 6.6.06 and is supposed to be a super auspicious or extremely unlucky day, depending on which superstition you would like to follow. Some people even went on to prophecise that today would be (yet again *rolls eyes*) the Judgement Day *horror music please*.
Why don't these people ever get bored of crap like this? I mean "Thanks a lot." for coming up with more movies for us to watch and "Good for you!" to all those smart Hollywood people who decided to cash in on such a great oportunity but I can't believe there are really people out there who would seriously think today is a day of great luck or bad omen or stuff like that. Plus, a note from Mr. Derek : "I wonder how those superstitious people will feel tomorrow when they wake up with all four limbs still attached and everything is still just like the morning before? You know, the type that think that the world would end during the turn of the millenium and those who think 6.6.06 is the day of the Devil and stuff like that."
They must be shattered or something. For most of us, we never live to see whether our premonitions or hopes or dreams come true or even if we see them, we would have already forgotten such a wish ever existed. Like let's say I wished I got more than 5A's for my SPM (I really did that after I dreamt I only received 5A's) and in reality I did get more than that, so is it because of my wish or is it due to my non-existant studying? For all I know, my friends went to the length of praying to their so-called Milk God or something with that name and they still ended up with worse results than me so is that a sign that the god doesn't exist or maybe their actual result should have been much worse than that, yet fate changed it?
But for these poor souls it's like, on 5th of June they would kneel at their bed and pray for their maker to welcome their soul into eternal heaven with 99 virgins and a whole ocean of milk and coconuts to crack forever, then their alarm clock goes off the next day and they're still in their stinking bed with yesterday's leftover pizza decorating their floor. It's like "Whang!! (Mae's creation : wham + bang = whang) I'm sorry dude but your belief just got washed down the drain along with all the food you're going to barf out because of the terrible hangover you're suffering due to your excessive "last-night-on-earth" partying."
But like Shu Yeen said it, we're freaking lucky cause we lived to see that Hailey (or whatever its name is) comet that comes by like 60+ years once, then there was the turn of the millenium (where everyone went berserk and said we're all going to burn in hell), the 9/11 event where humanity received a kick right to the balls as a wake up call towards the threats of modern day terrorism, and there was the tsunami that came on Boxing Day and got us all panicking the bajeezers out of ourselves, and that Hurricane Katrina is also definitely something we shouldn't forget. Then we had that 123456 (1.02:03 a.m. 4th of May 2006) event where the telco people made a fortune on all those easily deceived people trying to jump in on the hype and sending trillions of messages around granting and making wishes, plus wishing .... Um, were they wishing "Happy 123456"? That's just plain weird. And now we have the 666666 number (6.06:o6 a.m. 6th of June 2006)! Yipee, more gullible kids wasting money and making the telco people even more richer and more business for the shops in the town called Hell situated in Michigan!
Oh my god, it's Judgement Day (excuse the pun)! A thought just hit me! Remember the line "Let's save our species." from Ice Age 2? Haha! Or that line "Do you really want to die a virgin?" from Independence Day? Those are the 2 lamest pick-up lines ever yet they can be put to great use today (or last night)! No wonder people are so hyped up about the end of the world! It's a chance for those desperate guys out there to finally get laid! Wow, those guys are smart!
Somehow, I can imagine the loser guy from "The Benchwarmers" saying it. You know, the guy, not Gus Bus or The Napoleon Dynamite guy, the guy with the Pizza Hut girl? It's like so sleezy and cheeky that only he can pull it off!
On a side note, "The Benchwarmers" is yet another same-old, same-old comedy movie but if you're fun loving and have easily entertained friends, then I would suggest you guys watch it. It's simply hilarious and got me laughing damn loud even in such a public place. The plot was kinda predictable but the characters made it so lovable! And MShern once again surprised us with his ultimate lame move by saying that since it's raining and the cinema is cold, we should watch The Benchwarmers to make sure we don't freeze to death. Get it? BenchWARMERs?! God, he is lame! Anyway, Slur, if we don't have GP on Friday then it's "The Omen" then, OK?
Oh yeah, today I saw a T-shirt that I simply loved! It was worn by this guy who was walking hand in hand with his girlfriend, and the T-shirt said "I SCORED LAST NIGHT". Now, that is the epitome of cool.

I'm In Love

I'm in love, that ain't the way, it should be, cause I want me to be happy. I'm in love, and that ain't the way to be~
That was a bunch of crap...
Anyway, I found a blog and the writer writes the most beautiful words I've ever seen in a long time. I could say it was love at first sight. That blog and her poems were so beautiful I would turn lesbian just for her. But.... All her writings are so sad, as if she's a jigsaw puzzle and she's missing a last piece. It's so complete, yet it ain't perfect or something... She writes as if there's no more happiness in this world.

Gift

Are you sure I am not looking past you?
At some twisted little vision
Of a person tied down screaming
From a painful deadly incision
Am I laughing at these wicked thoughts?
My soul is dripping with sin
I have so much anger to give
But where should I begin?
I thought we all had a god given gift
Guess I'm not one of them. Perhaps I'm less
Unless hate is a gift
In which case I've been blessed
'Cause I hate a lot of people
But can't explain my thoughts
And I am laughing
As your body rots.

xxxxxxxxxxx
Updated : I forgot to say that I got this poem from the blog page that I simply loved. XD

Natasha Bedingfield - Single

I totally love this song! Actually I love most of her songs but this is absolutely cool! Anyway, not that I actually sang this song but I think I'm gonna dedicate this song to myself, Slur and Mae! We rock!!
xxxxx
Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

[Chorus:]
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

[Chorus]

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

Paris Hilton.... Err, I Think She's Singing, Or At Least Trying To Sing

Oh My God~! And I thought Paris Hilton's sex tape was the worst she could do! This is ten times worse, man! Sorry if there's any Paris fans among the readers but, this is totally stupid and idiotic. I mean, it IS from Paris Hilton, what did you expect?! I will never underestimate Paris Hilton's ability to be sucky again, and that is a promise. By the way, I can't make out who she is singing for.. Can you?


Play Paris Hilton Sings

Trivia So Useless You Would Hit Me For Posting It

My lameness, as Slur very well knows, have recentlt reached a new high, some times even surpassing MShern, the Father of Lameness himself. I can actually say jokes so lame even MShern goes "Huh?!". Anyway, I was surfing the net just now and found a few trivias that I thought were absolutely funny but you guys might beg to differ or what... Whatever, I still think they're cool! I believe none of these facts will ever help you in real life. If it does, please tell me because I would really like to know who would be lame enough to make use of these facts.
xxxxxxxxx

1. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
2. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
3. A raisin dropped in a fresh glass of soda will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
4. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.
5. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily. (OK, now that is freaky...)
   
6. Chocolate kills dogs! Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
7. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (Eewwwwwww~!! I bet guys would stop kissing girls who wear lipstick now.)
   
8. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
9. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
10. The question mark came from a monk habit of writing the Latin word for question, quo, at the end of sentences. Over time, the letters were written vertically to save space and morphed into the ? we write today. Similarly, the exclamation point came from the Latin word "Lo", meaning something important that should be heeded.
11. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
12. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and look like it is stinging itself to death. It spasms a lot.
13. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves.
14. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
15. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. One should carry a stout pole while travelling in quicksand country...when placed under one's back, it helps one to float out of the quicksand.
16. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to digest a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. (Dang it! I hate celery!)
    
17. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
    
18. In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than one hundred years before either moon was discovered.
19. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
20. An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing. (What the.....)
    
21. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
22. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit will damage it. (Hahahahahahaha!)
    
23. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
24. The original Winnie the Pooh was a real live bear found outside of Winnipeg, Canada, hence the name Winnie.
25. Francis Bacon died in his attempt to find a better way to serve food. He caught a case of pneumonia while attempting to stuff a chicken with snow. Ironically, the chicken survived the ordeal.
26. Napoleon III suffered from ailurophobia, which is a fear of cats.
27. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
28. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
29. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
30. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
31. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
32. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
33. Apples are more efficient than caffeine in waking you up in the morning. (Who else wants to say I'm going to get hypertension, eh?)
    
34. The little plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. (Why do you name them?)
35. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. ("Hahaha" a million times!")
36. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
37. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
38. Walt Disney was afraid of mice. (Go figure!)
39. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
    
40. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched".
41. "Dreamt" and "undreamt" are the only English words that end in the letters "mt."
42. 47.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot. (I wonder if this one is...)
    
43. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
44. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
45. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
46. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Is that why fishes swim back and forth in a fish bowl? Or is this just for goldfishs only? If it were for all fishes than it's actually kinda cool cause every swim would be an adventure for them and they won't feel bored in that little fish bowl anymore.)
    
47. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. (I'm not average...)
    
48. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
49. It is impossible to lick your elbow or stick your elbow in your ear.
50. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
51. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
52. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. (Now that is just plain loser... Oh wait, maybe they live in Africa or something...)
    
53. "The sixth sick sheikh's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. (I've been trying for a couple of minutes and I still can't pronounce it in normal speed.)
54. A lot of photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks. (People actually do that? I thought you only do that in movies?!)
55. Cat's urine glows under a black light. (OK, someone really really sick must be going around flashing everything with black light to know this.)
56. Elephants are the only land mammals that can't jump.
57. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. (Haha! How dumb can you get?!)
58. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
59. A snail can sleep for three months. (Aiyer~ no wonder it's so slow lah! Sleep till blur liao!)
    
60. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Now my fear of dentist is justified!)
    
61. "Go" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
62. Americans eat on average 18 acres worth of pizza every day. (And people wonder why they're so fat.)
    

When The Screws Start To Rattle

I recently realized a phenomenal fact about my brain.
It's useful in every useless aspect.
No arguments please, I think I know my upstairs better than you.
Anyway, what's going on? While on the way back from the monastery in Lunas (it's a long way home and I'm sitting in a car with yesterday's paper and a radio), I found myself singing to every single song played by Hitz.fm. Every single one of them. Occasionally I switched to Mix.fm and surprise, surprise, I could sing all those too. My point here? I have no musical talent what-so-ever (trust me, I have a gazillion more-than-willing friends to testify for me), yet I can memorize the lyrics of all those crappy, or as my mom would say, "headache songs". However, I can't read through the first chapter of Biology without being drowned under the weight of an ocean of question marks popping out of my head at the rate of 9.99 x 10^99 units per second. Don't even get me started on Chemistry....
astoundingly useless achievement number 2 : I have this very unhelpful ability of estimating (to the closest RM10) of a product after discount without the aid of any machinery or gadgets in a matter of seconds. Unfortunately, I can barely score 20 marks in my Mechanics, and my Pure Maths and Statistics aren't that much different either. Oh yeah, in case you were wondering : Yes, 20 marks out of a hundred.
Hmm, what else... Oh, I know Chad Michael Murray (from "One Tree Hill" and "House of Wax") had his small intestines removed after a football accident and so he can't gain weight, but I don't really understand what the translation and transcription of a DNA are. Yeah, and I know Mischa Barton loves eating sushi and chocolate.
I actually believe that my parents have been keeping a very deep and dark secret about my past from me. I bet a few years ago, maybe when I was a kid, I knocked my head on something really really hard or maybe received an extremely high voltage electric shock to my brain and because of some strange medical miracle, I survived but a few screws in my head got toasted and the rest of them came loose. Maybe that would explain the "cling-clang" noises I hear whenever I shake my head.....
So, my dear friends, I would like to argue that my current condition isn't entirely my fault you know? It's like a disease, I'm handicapped. You can't discriminate against me, it would be politically incorrect. It would be like singing "Baa baa black sheep" instead of the newly remixed version : "Baa baa rainbow sheep". If you don't get this joke, it proves you don't read the paper! Anyway, there was this article by my favourite The Star writer, Mary Schneider, about all the politically correct terms in use these days and some officials decided to dye the fur of our much beloved black sheep to become rainbow coloured as they felt the word "black" was a wee bit too racist. Oh, by the way, you can't say "Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs" anymore, it's discriminatory. You have to say "the little people" or "the vertically challenged".
As I was saying. Stop discriminating me just because I happen to talk without thinking or most of what I say never make sense, I didn't choose to be this way. It must be God's will or something! Oh wait... Aren't I supposed to be God? Ah~ Whatever....
OK, just to set things straight. If the electric shocked occurred because I poked my hand into a hole that had the sign "Danger! High Voltage : Do Not Poke Your Hand In You Little Rat." on it, it was probably because the sign was written in French or something. I can't be blamed.
And while we're on the subject of God. If God created men and everything else... who created God? I mean, did he just.... happen to be there since the beginning of time? Or maybe HE was the one that started time! OK, maybe he's not a he, I mean there is a song name "God Is A Girl", so I should be saying "he / she". It would be a little discriminating to just assume God is a guy just because he is powerful, right?