Oh my god, I have internet!! OK, I know some of you might be thinking "What? She had internet before this too!" but the truth is, I didn't! I was just using my brother's computer. But this is me. This is me with internet on MY internet.
I'm so glad man. Haha. No more sneaking up to his com to do my stuff and bla bla bla. It's all me from now on!
Anyway, this is like... Oh, exactly the 2nd week since I've been in KL. How are things here? Not too bad I guess.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
My main concern when I first had to come here was the thought that I would be leaving my friends in Penang and my family and I'm going to be thrown into this whole new and foreign situation where (paranoia sets in) everybody is out to get me.
The truth is, I am sad that I had to leave familiarity to go on with my life but now, I can confidently say that I don't regret it.
Regardless of how much Denial I drown myself in, the truth is everybody leaves, right? A lot of my friends left to further their studies of move overseas. They had a life they had to continue. The feeling of abandonment is strong. I guess I've been abandoned so many times that I didn't want to do the same thing. But life goes on, and my turn to leave came and so I left.
The best part of coming to KL is learning a life lesson.
Although familiarity is comfortable, you've got to jump one time or the other. And despite all your convictions, most of the time there is a safety net below.
I've been so afraid to leave my old group because I was afraid to look for a new one. Fortunately, I did find a new group and they're as awesome as medic students can get (I guess). They're all pretty nice and fun and when you need help, they would even trouble themselves to give you a hand. By the way, I don't just mean the friends from Monash. TPS and her room mates are pretty cool though. Plus they're a very good source of entertainment. Being with them is like playing a part in some show called "Comedy 101" or "Comedy Network". Tune in at the rick of pulling a muscle in your stomach while laughing. If life is a wheel and our present is a consequent of our past, then I must have been pretty
good to people in the past.
Thinking back, all through primary, secondary and college, I've always been lucky enough to find a group of people who would stick together and share their joys.
I don't believe in god or anything that claims to have control over the lives of 6billion humans and all the dying species on this earth but IF (against all scientific odds) there's someone looking, I must say he ain't too bad at all.
Friday, February 29
Monday, February 25
How To Find A Lost Heart
Burn my heart,
If it means nothing to you.
Cause we both know,
It means nothing to me.
For my heart is lost,
To a world that fades.
Just take my apologies,
And give me some space.
It might be broken,
It might be cut.
For all we know,
It might even be whole.
What does it matter?
My heart is not yours.
It ain't mine either.
Somewhere on a floor,
It lays asunder.
If it means nothing to you.
Cause we both know,
It means nothing to me.
For my heart is lost,
To a world that fades.
Just take my apologies,
And give me some space.
It might be broken,
It might be cut.
For all we know,
It might even be whole.
What does it matter?
My heart is not yours.
It ain't mine either.
Somewhere on a floor,
It lays asunder.
What I Want Will Never Be What I Have
We fight it. We deny it. We ignore it. But the truth is inevitable.
Fear is what we love.
We spend so much of our time trying to convince ourselves and others that we, as civilized and well-evolved human beings, rejoice in the comfort of a safe and stable community. But deep in the hearts of those who look beyond the lies and deceit is the ultimate fact millenniums of documented history of mankind has try to hide. The fact that what we really... REALLY want is fear, hatred and bloodshed.
Wars have been fought in every generation. The atrocious and outrageous raping of the fundamental concept of world peace has been repeated again and again. Blood spills every where, every time. Which idiot honestly believes that Homo sapiens have evolved beyond the restraints of a monster instinct to kill and destroy. A xenophobic tribe that guises itself as an educated society, we burn and obliterate all that is foreign, benign or otherwise.
Now tell me, are you listening?
Fear is what we love.
We spend so much of our time trying to convince ourselves and others that we, as civilized and well-evolved human beings, rejoice in the comfort of a safe and stable community. But deep in the hearts of those who look beyond the lies and deceit is the ultimate fact millenniums of documented history of mankind has try to hide. The fact that what we really... REALLY want is fear, hatred and bloodshed.
Wars have been fought in every generation. The atrocious and outrageous raping of the fundamental concept of world peace has been repeated again and again. Blood spills every where, every time. Which idiot honestly believes that Homo sapiens have evolved beyond the restraints of a monster instinct to kill and destroy. A xenophobic tribe that guises itself as an educated society, we burn and obliterate all that is foreign, benign or otherwise.
Now tell me, are you listening?
Wednesday, February 6
What separates me from you
If you're good at something good, like good at saving lives, that's good.
Maths: positive multiplied by positive = positive.
If you're bad at something bad, like bad at being rude to people, that's good too.
Maths: negative multiplied by negative = positive.
If you're good at something bad, like good at killing innocent people, or bad at something good, like you're bad at helping people, that's bad.
Maths: negative/positive multiplied by positive/negative = negative.
Who knew maths would be so useful, eh?
Have you ever wondered how rich you would be if you did something useless? For example, wrote scripts for chick flicks.
What intelligence does it require?
None.
Why?
Every plot is so predictable!
Correct me if I'm wrong, I beg of you, because from what I've seen (I'm a fan of chick flicks which means I've seen a LOT), the story seems to be so consistent.
Girl (pretty in the girl-next-door way but a misfit of the group she will be thrown into) goes into a new situation, meets evil-pretty new girls (to avoid misinterpretation, I shall name them Biatches) who suck the life out of people yet the ground they walk on is miraculously worshiped by the majority. Girl meets handsome, charming guy who is most probably the IT guy of the community she has been introduced to. Girl is targeted by the leader of the Biatches who intentionally makes the other minion-Biatches misunderstand and subsequently "disown" girl. Girl meets new dorks/nerds (Rejects) and realizes inner beauty is more important. Girl starts a campaign against the evil regime of the Biatches and enlightens the previously foolish majority who have been living in the dark age. During campaign, Biatch leader pulls a trick to cause the Rejects group to misunderstand girl and leave her, albeit temporarily. Girl is also made to misunderstand Prince Charming by Biatch leader and breaks up/avoids him. Rejects group SOMEHOW realizes their mistake for not sticking by girl and goes back to her side and finally, the campaign to oust the evil regime is won! In most cases, minion-Biatches realized they have been tricked by the leader Biatch and rejects her from the group to turn to the path of good and holiness. Girl SOMEHOW finds out she was mistaken about Prince Charming and the two live happily ever after.
Or at least until the end of the flick.
According to this rule, all I need is to think of two sets of names, one that screams Rejects and another that screams the opposite. Of course the girl and Prince Charming's name will be in the "opposite" group because they have to be accepted by the majority at the very start of the flick. After that, I will proceed on thinking of a setting (college, high school, fashion world) and voila~ my job is done!
Can you imagine how much those script writers earn by just following a set of conditions that takes an IQ level of 20 to comprehend?
All the while, we're rotting and pondering over how we'll deal with bankruptcy after we go against our rational judgment to buy the prettiest clutch (for this season) in the world.
Whoever said all men are born equal is an ignoramus for two obvious reasons.
One, he should have used the politically correct and gender-unbiased term of "humans".
Two, if we were born equal then why is Nicole Kidman so hot, Keira Knightley so sexy and Britney Spears so freaking rich for doing exactly what I'm doing and have done?
In case you're wondering what I've been so diligently doing all this while, it's NOTHING.
Nothing at all.
Maths: positive multiplied by positive = positive.
If you're bad at something bad, like bad at being rude to people, that's good too.
Maths: negative multiplied by negative = positive.
If you're good at something bad, like good at killing innocent people, or bad at something good, like you're bad at helping people, that's bad.
Maths: negative/positive multiplied by positive/negative = negative.
Who knew maths would be so useful, eh?
Have you ever wondered how rich you would be if you did something useless? For example, wrote scripts for chick flicks.
What intelligence does it require?
None.
Why?
Every plot is so predictable!
Correct me if I'm wrong, I beg of you, because from what I've seen (I'm a fan of chick flicks which means I've seen a LOT), the story seems to be so consistent.
Girl (pretty in the girl-next-door way but a misfit of the group she will be thrown into) goes into a new situation, meets evil-pretty new girls (to avoid misinterpretation, I shall name them Biatches) who suck the life out of people yet the ground they walk on is miraculously worshiped by the majority. Girl meets handsome, charming guy who is most probably the IT guy of the community she has been introduced to. Girl is targeted by the leader of the Biatches who intentionally makes the other minion-Biatches misunderstand and subsequently "disown" girl. Girl meets new dorks/nerds (Rejects) and realizes inner beauty is more important. Girl starts a campaign against the evil regime of the Biatches and enlightens the previously foolish majority who have been living in the dark age. During campaign, Biatch leader pulls a trick to cause the Rejects group to misunderstand girl and leave her, albeit temporarily. Girl is also made to misunderstand Prince Charming by Biatch leader and breaks up/avoids him. Rejects group SOMEHOW realizes their mistake for not sticking by girl and goes back to her side and finally, the campaign to oust the evil regime is won! In most cases, minion-Biatches realized they have been tricked by the leader Biatch and rejects her from the group to turn to the path of good and holiness. Girl SOMEHOW finds out she was mistaken about Prince Charming and the two live happily ever after.
Or at least until the end of the flick.
According to this rule, all I need is to think of two sets of names, one that screams Rejects and another that screams the opposite. Of course the girl and Prince Charming's name will be in the "opposite" group because they have to be accepted by the majority at the very start of the flick. After that, I will proceed on thinking of a setting (college, high school, fashion world) and voila~ my job is done!
Can you imagine how much those script writers earn by just following a set of conditions that takes an IQ level of 20 to comprehend?
All the while, we're rotting and pondering over how we'll deal with bankruptcy after we go against our rational judgment to buy the prettiest clutch (for this season) in the world.
Whoever said all men are born equal is an ignoramus for two obvious reasons.
One, he should have used the politically correct and gender-unbiased term of "humans".
Two, if we were born equal then why is Nicole Kidman so hot, Keira Knightley so sexy and Britney Spears so freaking rich for doing exactly what I'm doing and have done?
In case you're wondering what I've been so diligently doing all this while, it's NOTHING.
Nothing at all.
Friday, February 1
Where do I sign up?
You know what I've suddenly realized?!
There are exactly 12 days left until the big day! I don't get why people celebrate their 21st birthday with such a bang when I feel the 20th birthday is more important cause you know... like it's the year you stop being seven, eight, nineTEEN and become a twenTY. It's like a serious transaction.
Our age changes from single digits to pre-teen and teen and now that we've become post-teen, it's like we've joined a whole new alliance. Isn't it strange how the first twenty years of our lives had so many phases to it but once we reach that 20year marker, it all becomes sort of monotonous? Like how we'll be twenTY, thirTY, forTY and so on. Like we went from one two three to eleven twelve which were exciting in their own way. Then suddenly we became thirTEEN and fourTEEN which was even more exciting (despite being a little depressing for me). But still, we were making progress. But now that we inch closer to joining the TY-ties (pronounced tee-tees), it all seems kind of bleak. No longer will we be able to excite ourselves by the way our age is written or pronounced. There will be no more profound changes in the years that mark our lives. From now on it's TY to the end.
It's as if whoever thought up this way of counting numbers just thought "Haha! In case you aren't depressed enough by the loss of your childhood, I'll make the future seem more dark and gloomy by making the rest of your years into TY-ties!"
Gosh, what cruelty.
There are exactly 12 days left until the big day! I don't get why people celebrate their 21st birthday with such a bang when I feel the 20th birthday is more important cause you know... like it's the year you stop being seven, eight, nineTEEN and become a twenTY. It's like a serious transaction.
Our age changes from single digits to pre-teen and teen and now that we've become post-teen, it's like we've joined a whole new alliance. Isn't it strange how the first twenty years of our lives had so many phases to it but once we reach that 20year marker, it all becomes sort of monotonous? Like how we'll be twenTY, thirTY, forTY and so on. Like we went from one two three to eleven twelve which were exciting in their own way. Then suddenly we became thirTEEN and fourTEEN which was even more exciting (despite being a little depressing for me). But still, we were making progress. But now that we inch closer to joining the TY-ties (pronounced tee-tees), it all seems kind of bleak. No longer will we be able to excite ourselves by the way our age is written or pronounced. There will be no more profound changes in the years that mark our lives. From now on it's TY to the end.
It's as if whoever thought up this way of counting numbers just thought "Haha! In case you aren't depressed enough by the loss of your childhood, I'll make the future seem more dark and gloomy by making the rest of your years into TY-ties!"
Gosh, what cruelty.
22nd July 2003
I don't have most of the answers to a lot of questions, neither do I think I will find them all. But that doesn't mean I will give up searching. I don't believe in God but I do believe in karma. I don't believe in destiny but I honestly think there's a deeper meaning to our lives than we realize. I don't know what will happen next but I do know we are in complete control of our lives and anything that happens to us is a result of our actions. I believe if our life spins out of control we have only ourselves to blame for it.
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