If you are you, then who am I?

I feel so lonely when I'm with other people. But when I'm walking outside, I don't feel lonely at all.
Anne of Green Gables

I was watching Honey & Clover just now on Animax and well, the characters said some things that resonated deeply with what I'm (and most probably you guys too) are going and growing through so I thought I'd write them out. Some of the words are directly taken from the anime so don't give me credit for it.

Today is Today
The strange thing about the present is it's always there. At least we think it's always there when we're still young and deluded. Time might be flying by like a supersonic jet but for me, I'm living in the moment and I'll continue living until it stops.
Today is today, and most of the time I forget that it's closely followed by tomorrow. And just like tomorrow always creeps in to take today's place, the future will someday replace the present.
The day when we start working and living out our lives seems to faraway right now, it's almost like a mirage that fades away as you near it. But one day you will see the real thing, and you will walk up to it and touch it. There will come a day when what you see will no longer be a mirage.
How will I feel when that happens? Will I embrace it and live it as I am living my life now? Will I run away, refuse to grow up and reminisce about a yesterday that will never come back?

And So It Happens
We look at the adults around us right now and wonder who we'd grow up to be. Will I be responsible? Will I have regrets? Will I do things that will make the people I love proud? I will be a dissapointment to everyone? Most importantly, will I ever grow up?
And while we're going through all these thoughts, we often forget that 10 years ago, those adults had the same feelings we had. The doubts, the fears, the restlessness of youth and the immature habit of not letting go.
As we forget that adults were once kids, we also forget that we will one day become adults. 10 years later, the next generation of 18-year-olds will look at us and wonder all the things we're pondering through now. 10 years from now, the kids will forget that we were once just like them.
But can we really blame them for doing so? I wonder if when I'm 30, will I still remember what happened to me today... Or this year? Will I still think of the friends I have now with a warm and fuzzy feeling? Will we still be there in another 12 years?
Time is flowing like the sand in an hourglass. Never waiting for anyone, never stopping until our last breath leaves our body. Maybe in 15 years time, I won't even remember that I used to be a kid too.

Just Like A Butterfly
We all have dreams. And hopes. And wants. But I've never been brave enough to fight for it.
Standing back when given the opportunity to work for something I want, I let it go all because I didn't want to fight.
No. That is a lie. I let it go not because I don't want to fight. I let it go because I don't dare to fight.
Win said in one of her post about a girl dreaming of wearing a tiara and waving fluffy pom-poms in a cheerleader uniform but always feeling it will never happen to her. But she grew up and it DID happen to her, and she realized that although some things might seems improbable, all it takes is just the first step forward.
So what happens when you never take that small little step? What happens when someone extends his/her hand to crown you with a tiara and yet you push that well-meaning hand away? What happens when you're so blinded by fear of your own abilities that although it's just a small step on level ground, you see it as a free-falling plunge into eternal darkness and you shy away from what life gives you?
And how do you overcome that fear? Will I ever?

Hei Winnie, ain't it strange that you're only 6 months older than me and yet you're standing somewhere so far ahead that I can barely see you? I guess I'm still wondering if I'll ever grow up fast enough to be where you are right now, and at the same time resisting the forces that are pushing me there because I'm unwilling to stop being a useless bratty kid without the worries of adulthood.
I'm not saying you're an adult. I'm just saying that I admire your ability to grow up.

"I see. He has a dream and a goal, and he's working towards it without any fear or doubt. He's so mature, I guess he's already an adult."
Ayumi Yamada

Standing with reluctant feet, where the brook and river meet.
Rummer Godden in "The Greengage Summer"


PS: I advice anybody with free time to watch Honey & Clover because it's a really really good anime.