Crappy Poem #2

A few of my friends seem to regard me as a dictionary / personal writer / very very free slacker because they just have this tendency towards chucking all sorts of crappy essay and (the latest edition) poetry my way, asking me to do it for them. So, below is a poem I had to write in like... 3 minutes for a friend currently at matrics.

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Who is young, fair and pretty
Sibling of Aphrodite, Ares and Mary
Lover of art, mystery and beauty
Who fears not death but the lost of time
Who needs not riches but contempt with rags
Who feels no sadness nor misery, just the joy of life.

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Yeah, I know it is totally crappy but what can I say? She is a girl of immense depth, and I can find no other way to describe her.

29/5/6
{Niyi}

My Mom Is Right

....I DO spend too much time in front of the computer, most of the time blogging. Well, it isn't too surprising that my mom is right because... Moms are supposed to know best right? But.. ah, well.... Let's just say due to a series of unsynchronized opinions, I can't quite come to terms with 98.9997% of what my mom says. I would tell you all that most of the time, my obstinacy is justified by logical and rational thinking but you guys would just nod and go "Uh huh, that's what they all say." then the very moment I turn my head all of you will shake your heads, give out a deep long sigh and say "Kids, they're just too stubborn for their own good."
Yeah well, I don't give a damn!!
OK, fine, I admit, I AM stubborn. But believe me, it runs in the family. My parents can be stubborn as hell when they want to so don't blame me, blame the genes. You want to see hard-headedness? Take a look at my dad. Well, in his case the situation is made worse by the oh-so-famous male ego. Never giving up on any issue once he has set his mind on it, this is a man who would end all arguments with a simple sentence : "You're just too stupid to be able to think on my level."
Talk about unsupportive parents....
Anyway, I was talking about computers and me. A few days ago I thought "What?!? I don't waste my life in front of the computer!! Fine, I'll just have to prove her wrong... again!" and decided to go the whole day without even switching on the computer. By 9p.m. that day, I've finished surfing through all the Astro channels my house subscribes to, read the paper back and forth and ate as much junk food as I would allow myself in a day, and I was getting really, REALLY bored.
By 9.30p.m., I've done all mini-exercises I can think off that won't make me sweat too much and took a bath. By 9.31p.m., it was lights-out for me.
Serious, if I cut out all my dilly-dallying, my day without a computer officially ends at around 8.50p.m.
OK, fine, maybe I spend too much time in front of the computer but I don't WASTE my life on blogging and chatting. So on day 2, I set out once again to prove her wrong.
On that day, I switched on the computer but took absolute care to disable MSN Messenger and not go to any blog page. It all went quite well, actually. With a little determination, a lot can be achieved. In the end, I spent a great many hours playing Minesweeper and O2Jamming. Really, I played Minesweeper for a whole 3 hour time period without rest or time-out. Time of sleep? 11p.m.
Fine, maybe the only 2 things I do on the computer are blog and chat... But what's wrong with that, right? It's not like the whole world is waiting for me to govern them or something, and it is only my college year and it's not like my whole future is depending on this moment, right? I mean, this is like ONLY the year that would determine whether I get into Medic or not.... Fine, scrap all that. OK, college IS important. currently out of words to defend myself.....
You know, things weren't always like this. There was actually a time when my life was meaningful. To think those times are only 5 months away... How tragic..
Back in high school, my schedule was practically full with things to do, albeit the fact that they weren't all useful things, but at least it was still full, right? My time management went something like this :
6a.m. : Wake up.
7a.m. : Leave house for school while wearing shoes and having breakfast on car to avoid being late.
7.20a.m. - 10+a.m. : Find some way to pass the time.
10+a.m. - 11+a.m. : Break time! Yeah, baby~!
11+a.m. - 1.15p.m. / 2p.m. : Find other ways to pass time. Go home.
2.15p.m. : Leave for tuition or activity that most probably starts at 2. I had this tiny little problem of being late some times... Most of the time... Alright! ALL THE TIME! There, happy?!
2.30p.m. - 4.30p.m. : Sleep or snack until tuition finishes / Take attendance at activity then perform Houdini's trick of disappearance.
4.30p.m. - 8p.m. : Go for sports activity, mostly basketball, some times athletics, some times handball. Burn my skin in the process.
8p.m. - 10p.m. : Go home, have dinner, shower, loiter in front of a TV 90% of the days and sit in front of a computer 10% of the days.
10+p.m. : Find other ways to occupy my time, i.e.: SMS, read newspaper. Pretend to be busy in my study but actually just thinking of ways to minimize my bag's weight. Sleep.
Given that I didn't have much time for study and other student activities, but my days were full!!! Plus, I created many many ways to reduce the size and weigh of my school bag within those few years. I researched and realized that we most probably only have to bring the following items to school :
1) Bag. (like duh~)
2) Pencil box (Content : 1 red pen, 1 blue pen, 1 black pen (all in working condition, do I have to spell everything out for you?), 1 mechanical pencil, 1 short ruler, 1 eraser. Don't bring extra lead, it'll just add like 7 nano-grams to your bag.)
3) 1 multi-purpose notebook. (Mine is filled with magazine pictures of all the celebrities I like, mostly Avril, and a calendar for all the sporting events of the year.)
4) Calculator. (again, duh~!)
5) Handphone.
End of list. Yes, that's all you really need. Trust me!! Most of the time your teacher won't use a textbook and even if she does, just go borrow it from another class (helps you socialize). And all those exercise books are just a waste, I mean like, what are the chances you're even gonna pass up your homework? 5%? So might as well tell the teacher you forgot your book. Not like it's the end of the world or something. Seriously, trust me and try it. It works!
But the funny thing is, eventhough my beg was light as hell, I'm still kind of short (*sob sob*). People say a heavy backpack is what's stunting the growth of our generation but a light bag doesn't help that much either... I've been shammed!!
In stead of being tall and lanky, now I'm short and have extremely weak shoulder muscles. I'm even gonna go one step further and say the under-development of my shoulder muscles are somehow connected to my brain's short attention-span, inconceivably poor memory and its lack of activity. Look at MShern, his bag weighs as much as Ruben and he's smart as hell! And look at me! I can barely sit still, I talk without thinking (non-stop, mind you) and my attention-span is basically equal to that of a hyperactive monkey's. Seriously, even normal monkeys will have a hard time keeping up with me.
OK, so.... What did I start writing this post for? I seem to have covered so many topics that aren't inter-connected in such a short time frame. Again, short attention span and barely-there memory.

Ruben is.... COOL?!?!?!?

"What the hell?!" is probably the most suitable and most popular remark of anyone who reads the title, right?
I mean who in God's or Satan's or Da Vinci's name (I'm in the Da Vinci Code fever now) would say Ruben is cool? The answer to that absurd and profoundly idiotic question, my friend, will be right with you after this paragraph.
FARHAN AND MING SHERN!
Yes, these two lame-ass apes that I spend most of my youthful college life with are psychoticly insane enough to classify Ruben as "cool" and "macho". Like, hello?! This guy shakes his motha-freaking ASS when he walks, OK!?!?!? And his belly is big enough to fight the fat boss from House of The Dead 4! I mean even Eugene will look like a joke to his belly! You can actually go up to Ruben, rub his tummy and sing "Oohh~ darling when you stuff 2 roti canai into your mouth like that! You're so hot darling!" (line from Hitz.fm's "Don't Cha" song). And for My sake he looks like some slob when he sits on the chair! Have you ever noticed how he sits on the chair?! And his wardrobe! I mean if he was in show-biz he would be shot to death by now because of all his "wardrobe malfunctions"!!
By the way, fat boss's name is Temperance.
Right now we think he's getting it on with the tall Angel in our class but the girl team is very determined in rejecting this idea, especially people like "Porn Queen" Irene and Slur, saying that the Angel's taste couldn't possibly be that bad. Well, all I would like to say is "Look at Yellow Monster! Look at Michelle Yeoh!". You never know right? Some times girls can get waaay too desperate for their own good.
Thinking about Ruben is putting another song into my head. OK, Slur is going to hit me because she loves this song but I'm sorry!! It's digging its way into my brain and it won't leave!! "Pump It" by B.E.P.

When we play you shake your ass
Shake it, shake it, shake it girl
Make sure you don't break it, girl

I'm sooo sorry, Slur! I really am!
Anyway, on this matter, I don't really blame Farhan but I'm pointing all 10 fingers towards MShern for all this lame-ness. I mean seriously, that boy got some very very grave problems! Maybe being too smart is taking a toll on his head or something. I'm so glad we have someone as brave as Farhan to go and take all of MShern's lame attacks on us but too bad Farhan didn't buy some insurance because by the end of the year, I'm sure the lame attacks would have turned him into something resembling this :


Get this, dear readers. Today, Farhan and MShern actually went "lift-racing". Yes, have you ever heard of a worse or more foolish sports than that? I didn't really ask how it went but Farhan told me "It involved two lifts".... "Right~~" Oh, and to top their list of "cool" activities in the day, they also went "jumping" and "adventuring".
"Jumping" is a new noun I'm creating that basically means "jumping from one place to another that would require a certain amount of energy and skill and is thrilling". In their case, they went jumping from one sub-floor of the KDU car park to another. Note : Did you guys see how Pumba totally owned her car?!
As for "adventuring", I was just being too generous and trying to give it a little more edge. Because basically all they did was walk through all the fire-exits in KDU. "Hazard lights~~" Like I said, Too much brain makes you lame.

Piracy

Piracy is really a big issue here in Asia where people want all their things fast and cheap... AND branded too.
Basically, I oppose all types of piracy except DVD's and CD's. I mean come on, there are seriously pirated household items such as Ajinomoto out there and there ARE people who buy it. What the hell is wrong with you people?
But DVD's. DVD's are in a whole different league. As we're all very very aware, the only easy way you can watch original movies here in Malaysia is at the cinema, so even if we had the money to patronize the cinema for every single movie, we probably won't have the time. And even if we had both of those at our expense, some movies aren't shown in Malaysian cinemas which encourages us to "invest" in pirated DVD's and VCD's.
Now, I'm actually all for supporting the movie industry and I actually patronize the cinema nearly once a week. Sometimes, I even watch the very same movie in the cinema, twice. But these cetak rompak-ed DVD's are a great convenience to us because they're so easy to obtain and they have a great selection. I mean, no more worrying about what the stupid Malaysian Board of Censorship (or whatever you call whoever that is banning Brokeback Mountain and Scary Movie) plus since we all know some movies premiers much much later on our shore in comparison with other countries, these pirated goods ensure we are always on the same "intellectual and cultural level" with other nations. I mean, who knows right? Maybe there will come a day when the British prime minister Tony Blake will phone up our prime minister Abdul Badaboom and go :

Blake : Good day Encik Badaboom, how have you been lately?
Badaboom : Oh, Mr. Blake, how nice of you to call me. I'm fine, thank you. Now, to what do I owe this honor, Mr. Blake? Don't tell me a man like you who have a whole country to run have the time to phone me up for a little bit of chit-chat.
Blake : Of course not! Well, let me get straight to the point. My Board of Ministers for the Invading Foreign Country Association have recently held a meeting and concluded to invade and assault your country if you can't answer my following questions. *does a Dr. Evil laugh*
Badaboom : *gasp* Whatever, I'll have you know that as prime minister of Malaysia, I find it very important to support my local economy so I watch every single movie in the cinema without fail! I'm sure you'll see no need to invade us. Now shoot.
Blake : I see, so this must prove as no problem for you. So tell me, what is the ACTUAL name of the movie you guys call "Super Sapiens"?
Badaboom : What? "Super Sapiens"? Which idiotic Hollywood low-life would come up with such an ugly name? *ROFL*
Blake : *clears throat* Might I inform you that it is YOUR country that came up with such a name? Now, the last question. Tell me a sypnosis of the movies Daredevil, Scary Movie 1 and Scary Movie 2.
Badaboom : Erm... I know!! That's a trick question! These movies never exist!!!
Blake : Too bad. *presses a red button with the word "Nuke" written on it*
Badaboom : NO!!!!!!!

See? Get what I mean? Who knows when one of these days a nation's very existence might rely on the fact that we've watched these movies before! So as they say, it is always better to prepare for a rainy day right?
But I'm straying really really far from the point here. The objective of this post : To complain about how much I hate the way these pirated DVD's constantly get stuck in the last few scenes!!
Gosh, if you guys (referring to DVD's) wanna bail on me do it at the starting so I won't be drawn into the movie and won't be dying to know how it ends! I was watching Pride and Prejudice just now and I was thinking "Woh~! The last love scene! The last love scene! Wohoooo!!" but no~!!!
That stupid DVD had to jam on me and I was stuck like 20 minutes before the end. I mean god damn it! Can't you jam somewhere else! If it jammed in the middle I could just skip that part and easily make out what happened by watching the rest of the show. OK, actually I already know the whole story all thanks to the Bollywood version of all things great, Bride and Prejudice, but I, the hopeless romantic, was really looking forward to the last scene!
Er... Fine! I'm not a hopeless romantic and I enjoy seeing people in pain but this show had a really hot male star and Keira Knightley is totally the bomb OK?
Oh, and until now, I don't know what happened in the end of The Big Fish all thanks to a cheap-ass (literally) pirated DVD. So, let us all join hands and keep our fingers crossed to hope that any alien or super-nation planning to invade our country will only question the starts of the movies.

Seasons of Love

525600 minutes,
525600 moments so dear.
525600 minutes,
how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

525600 minutes,
how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
Measure in love,
in seasons of love.

525600 minutes,
525600 journeys to plan.
525600 minutes, how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In the truths she learned,
or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,
though the story never ends.
Let's celebrate,
remembering the year in the life of friends.

My Brother

.....the skinny one.
As most of you know, I have 2 brothers, the fat one and the skinny one. The skinny one, though wacky as he may be, seems to have an iota of supporters among my friends so I thought I should perform my duty and inform all my companions about how wrong their impression of him is. Seriously, I can never in a million year imagine anyone ever admiring him.... What have this world came too?
Actually I first thought of this post while I was thinking about my family's eating habits and I came to a conclusion -- Having a doctor in the family DOES NOT guarantee a healthy diet. Honestly, my father (the doctor) eats the most unhealthy of food ever, like all those pork fat and cheese and those ham, bacon and pork sausages. And apparently, he can push himself to graduate from medic school but he can't resist a bowl of ice cream. And my eldest bro is an extremely easy case. Serious, his eating habits and pattern largely conforms to either a horse or a polar bear, the only difference is instead of taking large amounts of food before going into hibernation during the winter, he takes large amounts all year long, 365 days a year. Plus he basically eats anything and everything you can put on a plate. Or a bowl. Or a cup... You get what I mean.
Now, the star of the post, the creme de la creme of the family, the skinny brother, Lin. If he had his way around the world, every type of food would have either maple syrup, milk or blueberries in it. Every time I cook something when he's within a 1 mile radius, he would somehow be insane enough to suggest I add a little maple syrup or milk into the list of ingredients. Honest. He wants me to cook omelet with milk and maple syrup, and even fried rice, and fried noodles.... EVERYTHING! It's like, he thinks maple syrup and milk are jeans or something. You know, jeans goes with 97.99% of clothing. In fact, if he had his way, even home funitures and office supplies will contain 10% maple syrup and 6% blueberry. Imagine this, you browse through some funiture and the salesman tells you, "M'am, I would highly recommend this couch. It comes with 13% organic maple syrup and 5.49% home-grown blueberries. Chiropractors highly recommend this model too because the sugary products in it will, with some chemically unexplained way, attract ants to it, hence making sure nobody can sit on it without getting irritated for more than 10 minutes. Believe me, it can totally wipe out the couch potato in your husband."
Oh, and don't forget Lin's obsession with giving out-of-this-world wacky names to pets and soft toys. He practically renames all my cute and cuddly plush toys to suit his mentally unstable and psychopathic nature. He also suggests that all pets should have "cool" (in his own definition) names, like say.... A pet pig should be named "War Boar", or a dog (regardless if it's a cute and tiny chihuahua or a merciless Rotweiler) should be named "Demonic Reincarnation of Lucifer". And you guys think I'm crappy...
No points for guessing where I learned to call myself a God. Yap, it's him. It's all him. He refers to himself as either PoHE (Peak of Human Evolution) or Great & Merciful God, Creator of The World. So if this world was to spin according to his whims and fancies, all of you will be bowing down before him and calling him Great God and offering him a human sacrifice stuffed with blueberries while he sits on a majestic chair made of milk and maple syrup that resembles a gigantic blueberry.
Not to forget how all of you will have to put up with his annoying habits as his horrendous voice booms across towns and cities on the P.A. system as he, yet again, gives out a boring lecture about Evas (from Neon Genesis Evangelion) and killer pandas. Yes, he has this habit of morphing cute animals into mass-murdering monsters.
And we'll all have to say goodbye to hip-hop and rap music. Come to think of it, we'll have to bid farewell to pop music too, and put up with stupid country songs. Not that I hate country songs or whatever.
And all the reality TV shows will become like this :
DAY 1
*humongous explosion takes place, some humans run around in a frenzy, suddenly door bell rings* *camera zooms out to show a couple of college boys sitting on a sofa watching MI3*
Guy 1 : Hei, is that our pizza? Dude, go get it, I'm starving.
Guy 2 : Why should I get it? You go, I'm lazy.
Guy 3 : *still staring at TV* Man, why doesn't anything like that happens in OUR life?

Day 2
*scene of people harmoniously sitting at some roadside cafe chatting, suddenly, a women tries to cross the road and "splat" gets run down by a trailer moving at a zillion miles per hour* *camera spins to show the same 3 guys sitting on the same sofa watching Final Destination 2*
Guy 3 : See? Now this is what I mean. Why doesn't this happen in OUR life?
Guy 1 : Dude, like, that's a movie *taps Guy 3's Head*. It's supposed to show what DOESN'T happen in our life. Duh~
Guy 2 : Hei, have you studied for tomorrow's test?
Guy 1 and Guy 3 : Oh yeah, I forgot.
*switches off TV*

Serious. My brother can't stop complaining about why "REALITY" TV shows never show the reality and rarely ever shows the truth. Oh, and any of you know the song "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira? There's this part in the lyrics where Wyclef sings "Baby move your body like you come from Columbia" or something like it. Lin reckons the MV should show a woman wandering aimlessly down a back alley with blood-shot eyes and weed in her hands. Because the term "Columbian drug lord" wasn't created for no reason.
The good point of him is, (I don't quite agree to this but he insists it's true) he doesn't discriminate by race or religion. According to him, stupidity knows no boundary of genes or nation, it exist everywhere. And in some part it is true because quite frankly, he DOES have a lot of opinions on every single race and religion. If you didn't know him better, you would spend a good couple of hours from your precious life trying to figure out what race he is because he discriminates and insults everybody. Indians, Malays, Malaysian-Chinese, Burmese, China-Chinese, Kiwies, Aussies, Columbians (proven above)... Everyone! Yes, he insults Burmese and Chinese people too although we are both of those races.
OK, now here is the REAL good point. If he took control of this world, everyone and anyone who dares to cut a tree without sufficient reason, kills endangered species for whatever purpose, eats shark-fin or tries to pollute this world will be tortured to death and will be resuscitated so he / she will get tortured all over again.

Rejoice Fellow Humans!!!!!

Woh~ I've been waiting for this day since eternity! I've longed for this day since before time begun and before Adam inhaled his first breath or dinosaurs grazed this land. I've been.... Ah, sod it. Everybody just grab some champagne and party till ya drop because today, MShern has FINALLY after such a long time of waiting and procrastinating, FINALLY had his first car accident.
I mean, even dinosaurs would have delayed extinction and waited to see this day if they had the power to. Gosh, I'm so excited that I'm totally ignoring Farhan at MSN now and actually grinning from ear to ear as I type this.
There goes that super big ass ego about being the drift king and the safest skilled driver and what not. There goes all that arrogance down the gutter like s**t being flushed down the toilet. Gone going gone, my dear friends.
Three cheers for the 19th of May. Hip-hip-hurray!
A lot of people must be thinking I'm damn evil and inconsiderate and pig-headed for being so happy about someone who has helped me numerous times without question and waited patiently in front of my house as I, once again, couldn't prepare for school in time but you have NO IDEA how much this day, this single incident, no no, that short moment when he banged into a U.R.O. (unidentified road-side object) will change my life.
Gone will be the days where he once again mercilessly criticizes my (*cough cough*) teenie-weenie bit below par driving skills, erm.... Not that he is the only one who has two cents to give about me being behind the wheels. In fact, I think almost anyone who have heard or seen me driving has a lot of opinion on this issue.... But no matter, one down, (infinity minus one) to go.
Gone will be the days where he, with a wave of an indifferent hand, disregards my fear of him driving in tight spaces and saying "*tzuk* You think I'm Niyi meh? With my driving skills ah, this is nothing lah." OK, he wants to brag about his skills then OK but why in My name does he have to bring me into the subject? I'm just looking out for him! See? And THAT is the reason why people are so cold-hearted and self-centered these days, you show a little bit of consideration and they go bitching about your skills.
Hah! Now you're the same as us, MShern! Now you too have become a part of the Teenage Car-wreckers Group (TCG)! In fact, may I remind you and everyone else who have ever been mean enough to "voice their concerns" about my driving skills to note the reality that MShern crashed until his front-bumper came off and he broke his front-lights whereas I, the great and forgiving God, have only ever made minor** scratches and dents to the cars.
By the way, this doesn't mean I wished for MShern to crashed his car or that I'm actually happy he did because (believe me) I know how much a hassle having to explain the moment of impact to your parents is. Take it from me, I have a lot of experience in this matter. While I'm on this subject, may I remind "Porn Queen" Irene that even though I have crashed cars considerably more than you in a shorter period of time, but quite frankly I think of this as a sort of investment because according to my prophecies, I might not (touch wood and hopefully some sarcastic god or angel or super-powered being isn't listening to this) crash again for the next couple of years and maybe you will, hence the statistics will be brought to the same number. So that means you have to crash another 5 times in 8 months and me surviving untouched for 3 and a half years. Um, right..... Maybe I'll just rely on public transport until then.... But come to think of it, 3 and a half years will probably pass by in the blink of an eye and it won't be so hard after all. However, according to these calculations, Irene must come from a totally different dimension where 8 months there equals to 8 years here or my chances of getting the stats to equilibrium will be totally impossible. OK, fingers crossed!
And oh, how ironic that before MShern crashed, Irene was just criticizing his driving skills and saying he is going to need more practice to actually become a smooth-reckless driver. By the way, Slur, if you dare as much as say the words "Niyi", "bad" and "driving" (or any other words carrying the same meanings) in a single sentence or paragraph, I'll cut you to pieces and publicize you buggie incident, big time.


**The magnitude of this word may vary from one person to the other, and might the author remind all readers that the author is very VERY forgiving and lenient when it comes to judging.

American Idol 5

It's official and no one is going to argue with me on this FACT. Katherine McPhee is an angel or a reincarnation of a Greek goddess. Full stop. IDFC if any of you dislike her or what because I truly believe I've found an angel on earth tonight when I watched her perform "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".

It was amazing. It was awe-inspiring. It was spectacular. It was magical. It was simple Katherine McPhee.

Yes, I've caught the awesome McPhee-ver my dear friends, and I solemnly believe there's no way a freaking Jew and a grey-haired dude can beat Kat. Her pretty face, her beautiful smile, her amazing height, her perfect voice, who could deny that she doesn't look like an angel?
OK, fine! I bet there are tons of Yamin and Taylor supporters out there but how many times have I said this? This is MY blog! MINE!! So regardless of what "Porn Queen" Irene and my mom says, Kat is definitely going to win.
I know Yamin is good and cute and his voice is acceptable and all but never once have he ever made me stare at the TV screen with such intensity and make me tell myself "This has GOT TO BE an angel." neither have he ever melt my heart the way Kat did with this song of hers. Oh, and I must thank my favourite judge Simon Cowell for choosing this song because I really think he is very very smart when it comes to show-biz. Besides, he aint one-sided like Randy or as "hiao" and "gatal" as Paula. And which star couldn't use a few constructive criticism once in a while? By the way, I have no discrimination against Jews, that was just a mere figure of speech.
And Taylor. Where do we start when it comes to Taylor? His crazy half-epileptic-half-drunk dancing? That alone is too overwhelming to digest dudes and dudettes. Well, again. His voice is good too and I definitely like him more than Yamin but nah~ Kat will surely win. Right? I hope those Americans out there will finally be able to do what's right and vote Kat into the finals.
My fingers are sooo crossed I'm going to have a hard time unraveling them.
Anyway, as I sat there like a pig fat couch potato listening to Kat sing, I couldn't help myself but send the stupidest and most wu liao SMS to Kay to tell her how wonderful Kat is tonight and thus wasted my already very low credit. I was even contemplating messaging Irene if it weren't for this "low-credit syndrome" my phone has been facing these days. After that I wrote an infinitely long message to a friend who has no idea who Kat is, neither is she in any way interested in AI5, and bragged to her (totally annoying her too...) about my dear Kat. See? That's what the McPhee-ver gets you into. You get completely awe-struck and can't refrain yourself from doing those stuffs!
So, since my favourite male character a.k.a. Chris has left, all my attention and devotion have been channeled solely to Kat. Go! McPhee!!!!!!
By the way, I'm really really disappointed that Chris got voted out because he is cute, has totally funky side-burns and a great voice. What's wrong y'all? Why the hell did you vote him out!?
I am therefore condemning both Taylor and Yamin and hope they either get struck by lightning or what not because I sure as hell aint gonna sit back and watch my Kat lose. Wait, what am I talking bout here. Kat can win relying solely on her talents alone and nothing else. Kapeesh?!
I am hereby also declaring war against anyone who dares bad-mouth Kat.
PS:
1) The author has no discrimination what-so-ever against any race or religion. My calling Yamin "the freaking Jew" was seriously just a figure of speech. Frankly, stupidity and spitefulness transcends all race and religion and exists in every single country. 2) The author has no discrimination against prematurely grey-haired people and applaud Taylor's courage to be himself and not dye his hair.

Happy Teachers' Day

Although I've quite forgotten about it, but today is Teachers' Day. In previous years, this day never meant anything more than just another day where we were called into the hall so some "representatives" can hand the teachers some presents and we'll refrain ourselves from falling asleep as the principal or whoever indulge us in yet another long-winded speech. Most of these ocassions always ends with one of us being "reprimended" by the prefects, or if Bee Kim is present, we might just get involved in a row with some cocky prefect.
Speaking of which, there was this time when we were all sitting in a circle during assembly to chit-chat and gossip when a prefect came forward to warn us and remind us to look after our behaviour. Well, just her luck that the prefect had to choose Bee Kim to push over who, by the way, wasn't talking at all. Hearing this, Bee Kim got totally pissed and snapped back at the prefect and as things became worse, Bee Kim decided to throw in a line saying, "You dare say another word I'll go report to A-Ho (our dicipline teacher)." and went on a lecture about how close she is to A-ho. But to our complete and absolute horror, that prefect turned out to be (wait for it) Mr. Ho's DAUGHTER!! To think all of us actually stood as a united front and took on the dicipline teacher's daughter by the throat, but anyway, all's well that ends well.
In short, it was just another unattractive chapter of my life.
But now that I have a blog and I've actually graduated, I can write things like "Looking back..." and "In those youthful days..." and not feel like a complete poser! Well, at least only a 90% poser lah~ Wei, this is MY blog, OK?
Anyway, I actually don't have that much to write about teachers' day. I mean I had a whole lot of great teachers in the past and I totally thank them all but it's not like they read my blog or anything. Well, OK, maybe Leong Wooi Min reads this. While on the subject of LWM, have I told you guys how totally kawaii LWM is? I mean seriously, I think it's clsoe to impossible to actually describe a teacher as cute in physical appearance AND personality but LWM totally is. And she has the cutest baby!! And to think I scored A's for both Moral and BM during SPM. I'm sure LWM must feel very proud of herself for actually being able to get a stupid and dumb me with totally no moral to score such a nice result.
Oh, and Tan Min Min! Haha, TMM actually has a paparazzi fan back in high school, that fan being none other than my class monitor, Huili. Sometimes Huili would drag me running around the school compound in our school uniform (not that I wore a pinafore to school but still, it's obscene just thinking about it) just to catch a glimps of TMM! And I would have to carry tons and tons of books so SHE could offer TMM a helping hand and get close to TMM. My god, Huili was totally obsessed with TMM. Unfortunately, I only scored a C5 for Chinese and TMM would probably go "Is that so strange? I always knew you were the dumb one." if she ever heard my result.
There are (of course) other teachers like Madam Chiang from primary school and Puan How who played a great part in my life. Mdm. Chiang was the first teacher ever who actually encouraged me to read more and reignited my fire for literature. Not showing off or anything but by Standard 5 I've finished most of Christopher Pike books and other things like The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew so I didn't have much left to read and stopped. Stuff byTom Clancy and his author friends were way too deep for me so seriously, I was lost. And there came Mdm. Chiang who lent me her Harry Potter books and got me interested in reading once again. I've come a long way since then, haven't I? And of course there's Ong Rose See whom I borrowed the Jane Eyre novel from and totally got me addicted to classicals. Till now, I still regard Jane Eyre as the best book I've ever read in my entire 18 years of life.
And then there was Pn. How. Well, how would I describe Pn. How? She wasn't the normal type of teacher that you would meet and completely warm up to but to me and a whole lot of other athletes and basketball players in school, she was a pillar of strength and the source of our dicipline in training. OK, she IS a dicipline teacher so that aint strange, but still, you get what I mean. Anyway, I believe 99% of those asked will agree that our school basketball team went into a slump after she changed clubs and during some times we actually thought in a few years, the club will have to close down. And she is the whole reason so many of us joined the athletics club and actually went to those trainings because she drove it into our minds that if we wanted to be a part of something and share its glory, we might as well be there during the dumps and take responsibility. If not for her, I seriously wouldn't give a damn for any kind of activity apart from basketball. I heard she has resigned her post as dicipline teacher to further her studies somewhere. Despite where she goes, for me she'll always be that teacher who never missed a single one of our trainings and took full responsibility over us even when we weren't in a competition.
To all of you, thank you for showing me the way. And to all my present and future teachers, I hope that when I leave you all, I'll leave with such fond memories of the hours we spent together.

Horrible, Terrible, Miserable

I learnt the above title from Suesan. It's just 3 stupid words but I never ever used all 3 of them in succession like that before so when I first heard her say it, I was really like some stone-age caveman coming across a TV for the first time and couldn't stop saying it for at least 3 days!! I guess this is what Farhan means by "perak", but nonetheless, those 3 words are put to good use now as I've chosen it to be the title of my poem.
"Poem? What poem? I never knew Niyi is poetic!"
Ha-di-haha! But yes, I wrote a seemingly meaningless poem for the GP homework and I think I did OK, seeing that I used less than half an hour in a place surrounded by monkeys who can't seem to talk enough. Yes Lunch Gang, I referring to y'all! Anyway, here it is.
*************

Order and habit are so mundane
Regularity is seriously too lame
I feel I might just go insane
In a moment or two I'll have fame
For being the girl who lost her brain
Reciting the story of Abel and Kane.

Or maybe I'll run amok
Slashing the throats of all the stock
Covered with blood, I'll jump off a rock
While calling Homer a "big fat pork"
Wearing Versace as my favourite smock
On my feet there'll be comfy Crocs.

In a courtroom of jesters they'll sit and stare
The jury of my peers will judge me fair
Upon those innocent faces I'll stand and glare
I'll pull a straight face to say "If you dare,
put your best foot forward and be a man.
Jump off a cliff now come on, show some flair!"

16/5/06
(GP assignment)

For your info, this poem does have some meanings though they aren't too obvious, at least to me there is.

Happy Mothers' Day

It's very rare for San to forward mail so when I saw her name in my inbox, I thought "This, I must read". And I might as well just come straight out and say it here, unless the mail has a very funky title to it, anything in my inbox that starts with "FWD" is immediately deleted, save those few that came from friends that rarely forward mail.
Anyway, here is how the mail goes. Enjoy.

xxxxxx

I OWE MY MOTHER!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all those peas are gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17.. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18 My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your jacket on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favourite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out to be just like you!"

xxxxxxxx

Happy Mothers' Day to every mother out there, young or old.

Best Break Up Lines Ever

Remember I told you I love you? Well, I lied.

I know I said I love you babe, but you looked a lot better back then.

I told you I could never love another when we got together right? Well, turns out this guy's name is Joe, so basically I'm not loving "Another".

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Flowers will wither, and so have you.
With it there goes, my love so true.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm dumping you.

Can you give me back that diamond necklace I bought for you last Valentine's Day? I need to give it to this new girl I'm dating and I'm outa cash to buy a new one.

I said looks don't mean a thing, but that was when I overestimated the size of your wallet.

You're like a tea pot, short and stout.
And I can't handle your big fat mouth.
When you're deep in sleep mode you snore so loud.
I have no other choice, I'm kicking you out.

The Games That Play Us

What do you do when someone close to you dies? I guess we have to move on. What do you do when someone beside you cries? A question we will forever ponder upon.

Regarding the second question, I really want an answer to it. I have no idea what you do when someone around you is sad. Normally I would say *toot* it and just leave but some times leaving seems to be harder than standing by. How can you ever comfort someone?
I think even geniuses like Albert Einstein or Benjamin Franklin would be at a loss when asked this question, and I truly applaud those who can take charge when someone is under the weather and put a sun back on their horizon. This is one skill which is so far from my abilities that I can't even see it (don't talk about possessing it). The only words that come to mind under such horrendous circumstances are:
*By the way, of course my responses vary by the situation! You think I'm some kinda machine that only gives out mono-worded answers!?

Situation 1 : Break ups.
"There are plenty more fishes in the sea!"
"Here's a great chance for you to broaden your horizon!"
"He / She treated you like shit, you deserve better than that lah!"
"Err... *3 pats on the shoulder*.... errr....*turns and (literally) run away*"

Situation 2 : Close friend leaving.
"Aiyer~ Not like you 2 married or something, so gay for what?"
"Not like he / she going to die lah. If really that close then don't lose contact then ma can meet up all the time loh."
"There are plenty more fishes in the sea!"
"Err... *3 pats on the shoulder*.... errr....*turns and (literally) run away*"
"Erm, my shoulder very nice. Got muscle one ar!"

Situation 3 : Sibling going somewhere for a long time.
"Cheh~ Sure got family reunion mia you kacau hami? Want me slap you?"
"Erm, my shoulder very nice. Got muscle one ar!"

Situation 4 : Pet dies / Lost something precious.
"Go buy new one lah!"
"Err... *3 pats on the shoulder*.... errr....*turns and (literally) run away*"

Situation 5 : Failed something.
"*if I passed it* Stupiak! Lidat pun cannot do?"
"Go jump off a building lah you."
"Um.... Try again next time lah. No worries."
"Erm, my shoulder very nice. Got muscle one ar!"

Situation 5 : Family member / close friend pass away.
"Err... *3 pats on the shoulder*.... errr....*turns and (literally) run away*"
Favourite move : Avoid that person for as long as possible, be desperate enough to hide in a toilet cubicle for a whole hour if the need arises. If all else fails, go look him / her straight in the eyes, say "Is there anything I can do?", wait 5 seconds for a reply, run away without shame the very moment the clock ticks the 6th second.

Situation 6 : Attention seeking / Just wants to whine or complain.
"*give that person a cold stare* You're annoying me."
"Kisi, or I'll slap you."
"*stare at the person mockingly* So small matter you so noisy for what? Things like this happens all the time and I couldn't care less even if it happened on me so I sure as hell don;t give a *toot* that it happened on you."
"*looks at that person with an unfazed look*........*turn back to whatever I doing beforehand and wipe that person off my mind*"

Notice how some techniques can be recycled for most situations like the "pat 3 times" technique? I think I'm a very gifted person for actually inventing that move. But of course the run away part needs some skill because if you run to slow you might let your guard down and accidentally glance behind which would totally magnify the embarrassment.
So, anyone needing advice on how to console people just feel free to drop me a comment and I'll get to it ASAP, free of charge. My compassion knows no bounderies!!

Personality Test!

I was reading Jess's blog and I thought what the heck, she keeps posting self-praising personality test results on her blog so I guess it's time for me to counter the Narc Queen with my own personality test! I must say this is probably like... the 4th or maybe 5th persoanlity test I've ever took in my life... Now, let's look at my result's for this test.

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
Aww~ you guys will still love me no matter what, right? I always knew that! Come on lah, it's me the HOT AS FIRE and COOLER THAN ICE COLD God lah~ Is it a wonder? By the way, I totally agree that I'm a good listener.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Woh~ See? I aint superficial as I seem (though I never knew that side of myself but the test say so lah~) Woh!! All you Lunch Gang people! See? I'm not as kiap as you guys make me! I'm attractive eh!

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
Commit? Hah~ In your dreams buddy. Know very well your head ah, know well liao then where's the sense of adventure in it har? You tak fun mia. Kisi!

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Oh, again I'm attractive! Haha, wahsai! "sensible tactics" to approach my lovey-duvey loh! Oh my Me I never knew so much crap about myself.

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
I HOPE I end up with an unsual job, like a writer! Yeah, I dream of being a writer. I know it's totally stupid but what the heck. Oh, by the way. Yes! I'm studying Science now... No idea what I'm doing here myself. But you betcha I HATE studying.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
Uh, well. I used to want to be a chef but my mom totally rained on my parade so I gave that one up. Then I wanted to go into automotive engineering but my mom said she doesn't want yet another engineer in the family (but now my bro switched to art so maybe it's OK.) so I gave up that dream too. I want to be a professional extreme games athlete but that would involve a lot of broken bones and I probably would die of old age before this craze eventually become big enough in this region for me to find a sponsor.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
Haha, come on lah dude. Which bimbo that has been raised in a society that preaches "science is the way of life" would be daring enough to go into a career in writing without having a secure job first?

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Damn right I'm afraid of things beyond my control but use anger to cover up? No way. I mean, have any of you ever seen me angry? Hello~ I'm practically a saint compared to you guys.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
OK, this is totally true. I mean, even Mr. Low has gone to the length of calling me hyperactive man! Yeah and I do get mood swings and it's totally not because of PMS OK?

The Real You
1) You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
2) You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3) You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
4) Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
A LITTLE irresponsible? Wow, that's a compliment. Hei look! I'm cheerful and bubbly. And considerate! Oh my Me, I never knew all these things about me. I'm really starting to like how these things constantly praise me man. Wohoo~

Give Me A Rusted Blunt Axe So I Can Butcher CTH To Pieces

OK, excuse me if I seem rude in this article but believe me, it's totally forgivable and justified. People say to hell with a lot of things, I say "Down with chauvinist pigs with too big an ego and too small a brain. In fact, down with all male species out there who think that the presence of an extra tube dangling on their body gives them superiority in any form."
Today, my bro (yes that annoying Lin) told me bout this reader's mail featured in The Star condemning house-husbands. This guy even went to the length of saying the house-husband's son will "probably grow up to be a feminine male and gay before long".
If my dear readers are too blind or slur to comprehend the vulgarity of these words, please scroll up and read it over and over again until it sinks into you. Yes, this fucked-up shithole not only insulted house-husbands, he even threw in a view of disapproval towards gays and (I prefer to call them) metrosexual guys. In fact, I bet he thinks guys who are sensitive towards another person's feelings are wrong too!
OK, here are some quotes from that mail and a few pieces of my mind :
1) What kind of role model would a house-husband be for a growing boy?
Here is an answer to this question that the incompetent brain of that (probably impotent) shitfaced whiner couldn't possibly think off in a gazillion years : The type of role model that says "Regardless of my job, I am a man who is willing to relinquish my job and become your father so that my wife (a woman whom I truly respect) could go out there and get involved in a job she desires to." Kapeesh? Being a house-husband is nothing to be ashamed off or looked down upon. In fact, a man who can willingly become a house-husband is probably more secure and confident of his own sexuality and standing in society than most males! Kudos to all men out there who are brave enough to embrace this new career.
2) Whosoever brings home the bread will inevitably speak louder and have the last say.
Excuse me but what is this shit about having the last say? Doesn't this point towards a largely dysfunctional family where decisions are made upon who can shout the loudest during an argument instead of sitting down and having mature discussions to achieve a decision where all parties are satisfied. You don't have to "get the last say" in things like when a child goes out with his mom and wants to have an ice-cream, you're supposed to have a relationship where both sides are allowed to voice their opinions and are guaranteed respect regardless of how different the views are. Who said that those worthless testosterone swimming around in that jelly that should have been your brain entitles you to "the last say" and that your say, regardless whether it's first or last, is right? I call this total bullshit. The whiner who sent this mail in must be a fucker who can't put 2 and 2 together during a normal conversation so he has to rely on his "last say" authority.
3) We ought to be keeping the status quo.
What status quo? Hello shit-fucker~ what status quo? You're saying this as if women were the evil bad guys plotting to overthrow the male species and that you have to keep the status quo so you will have the bargaining power or messed up shit like that. OK, so what's wrong with (if there comes a time) women actually having a little more authority than men? Is it so wrong? Is it really so unacceptable that women could be as good or better than men?
4) Wives are to submit to their husbands.
Wives are to SUBMIT to their husbands?! FUCK!!!!!! What kinda FUCKED UP theory is that? SUBMIT! WIVES SUBMIT TO HUSBAND?! I think the only other time such an unreasonably stupid remark has ever been featured on a national paper is when some MP said that "Since women can't fight against their rapist, they might as well just give up and ENJOY THEMSELVES." All I can say is FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
And don't even get me started on the way this bastard asshole trampled upon feminine guys and gays. Too late, the damage can no longer come undone. Tell me, what is wrong with being gay (when I say gay here I mean bout male and female)? If any of you possess even the slightest IQ to read up on historical books and stuff, you will find that gays have existed as long as the sun and moon. In fact, the Hindu gods even feature a god with bout male and female organs. Greek and Roman emperors have been known to have homosexual partners even through their marriage to the opposite sex. Even the mighty Shakespeare, the person whom we sooo admire, is rumoured to be gay! So obviously homosexuality does not prevent one from achieving greatness, so now tell me, what is wrong with being gay?
Oh yeah, again, if any of you are smart enough to read, you might have noticed an article in Times not long ago that reports the SCIENTIFIC findings of a research on the minds of homosexuals. The report is too long to fit in here so anyone who's interested can just come ask me but to cut a long story short, it basically says the chemical reaction of a homosexual's brain is fundamentally different from that of a normal person's, so the fact is evident, homosexuality is not a choice but rather it is an in-born nature. But what the heck, why am I defending gays? They have done nothing wrong and needs no defending, they are innocent on their own.
By the way, the writer of that mail goes by the alias of CTH from Kuala Lumpur. Get this, this Neanderthal dares bitch about setting a role model and machoism but he is too fucking pussy to even write his full name in here!!!! An advice for that fucker : Go back to your cave and bang your head on the wall until it shatters, after that remember to clean up the mess so that your filthiness will not corrupt this world. Oh wait, what mess? You don't have any brain so it's pretty obvious nothing is going to leak out from your skull.
Here is an applaud to Lin for being one of the few man I know who are smart enough and brave enough to defend women and gays without a shred of insecurity.

Mission Impossible 3

OK, here is another movie review... A continuation from the other one about Hooligans. Anyways, one reason why I'm reviewing this is I watched it twice... IN THE F-ING CINEMA!!!!
So the dumb ones must be thinking "Wow. it's THAT good? Twice man~!".
The answer is NO! Nothing starring Tom Cruise could be worth watching twice in the cinema. Seriously, NOTHING! But what the heck, I did anyway. But of course my actions were justified by the fact that the first time I was actually planning on watching Fragile but some bugger named Mae couldn't take horror movies so we had to settle for this movie instead and the second time was because we went to the cinema and Pumba and Kay haven't watched it yet and none of them were up for some good ol' cheapskate scare from Fragile so we got urshered in to watch MI3 again.
Despite the hype and all, I would recommend Hooligans to a friend rather than MI3. Don't ask me why, the answer is staring right back at you in the poster above.
The storyline is OK lah~ Very predictable and shit like that. The main draw is just the explosions and (for guys) Maggie Q's superb body at the Vatican city operation. The rest is just mediocre.
Spoiler warning:
Well, the part where Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) rides in to accept the mission on a killer motorbike is totally old school too despite that joke from Mae about how any other star would have banged their head on the airplane wing when their passed underneath it except Tom cause of his inadequate vertical growth.
And the part where Davian shot the fake Julia was actually extremely fun the first time we watched it. I remember me and Mae high-fiving cause we thought it was for real the 1st time. The second time round that scene was still good although we already know the plot. If I haven't mentioned this earlier, here it is : Death and ginourmous explosions pleases me.
But I totally hate the part on the airplane after they have captured Davian and Ethan go berserk. First of all, I think it is standard training for spies that you never call your partner by name no matter what the situation if you're on a mission so that part was total bullshit.
Or the part where they got attacked while transporting Davian was messed up too. One question : Why didn't Ethan gun down the helicopter that was about to ship Davian off from afar using the long range gun instead of wasting time jumping and running after it? Hello~ it IS a long range gun after all. See? In the pic he just had to waste precious moments jumping over that gap when he could have easily shot the flying thing from where he was!
And the part where Ethan escapes from the IMF holding cell. When he got out of the lift, why did he press the alarm button because as I see it, it had a chance to get out of there no questions asked!
Argh! The part where he gets onto the limo of Davian and the driver asks him to drink the drug that's supposed to make you lose consciousness!!!!! Out of all the things he could remember or hallucinate about he HAD TO hallucinate the part of him making out with Julia!!!
{Spoiler Ends}

But I guess the producers still get credit for the bangs and booms. Watch it if you have money to spare and nothing to do.

A Movie Review

Green Street Hooligans
Now this is a movie most city jerks will enjoy, if not for the storyline then it's for the fight scenes and curse-words. Seriously, those people in there wouldn't be able to finish a sentence without using the word "cunt", "fuck" or whatever other stupid thing you can think off.
But that aint the point here. Despite all its vulgarity and violence, this is still a movie I would recommend you guys to watch. I know it's strange of me to be writing a movie review but I thought I haven't bloged for quite some time now and I just finished this movie so you know, 1+1=2.
As for the story, it's about this Yank, Matt (Elijah Wood the gay Frodo from LOTR), who got expelled from Harvard because of a set up and goes to London. Over there he meets his brother-in-law and that dude's brother. The bro-in-law is a nice guy and all but that dude's bro turns out to be this "firm" (or in our words, gang) leader that are famous hooligans supporting West Ham United. As the story goes, Matt gets introduced to all those shit and gets into fights and learns how to be a man. At one point he did become a kinda well-known hooligan for a short while but despite his reputation, his face is still gay as ever.
Anyway, anybody with 109 minutes of their life to spare and are into fight movies with stories should watch this one. It's nice.

Stupid Girls

Although this post has the same title as the one in TAO, the two posts are completely different... Erm, can't really say "completely" cause I'm referring to the Stupid Girls music video by Pink but it's about different issues.
So, anyone with a brain the size of a peanut can guess that this MV is actually an insult to a lot of celebrity girls (I think all of them blondes...) and their lifestyle. It's not surprising though because Pink DID write this song after she got disgusted by teenage girls who aspire to become hypersexual personae of female pop icons instead of intelligent career women.
But my question here is, Pink was obviously insulting a lot of Hollywood "stupid girls" like (how could we not mention her) Paris Hilton. Doesn't Pink get sued for this? And this isn't her first time either. Remember her old hit single "Don't Let Me Get Me"? If memory serves me right, she sang about how turning into Britney Spears is not something she wants.
This time around, she's back with an "oomph", tackling in her stride not only Paris Hilton but Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Fergie and Mary-Kate Olsen (MKO) as well. A job well done, my idol Pink.
Erm, I guess I'm kinda being a hypocrite here because for me to be able to recognize every single one of those "stupid girls", I couldn't possibly be doing so well myself. But the main point aint this. For those dim-witted half-pea brained people, let me explain to you how she was insulting all of them (in one single MV!! She is a god!).
First of all, the MV opened with MKO... Hold on, when I say Mary-Kate Olsen I don't actually mean MKO, I mean Pink dressed to represent MKO, kapeesh?
Anyway, it opens with MKO strutting into a dress shop and banging into the glass door. A perfect portrayal of the Dumb-Blonde Syndrome. How do we know it's MKO? Easy. MKO was once photographed in front of a door (not sure whether it's her house or not cause I didn't read the article) in Boho dressing style. Voila~ I am the master!
Second comes Fergie. Of course she's probably the second easiest character to spot (right after Paris Hilton) because of the extreme resemblance in looks to the actual Fergie. To top it off, she even dances the booty-shake Fergie is soo famous for. Oh, for those who aren't as into the Stupid Girl Syndrome (SGS) as me, Fergie is the only female from Black Eyed Peas. In the MV, she was shown dancing next to 50cent (like the song lyric says so I'm guessing it's 50cent).
Next comes the infamous and horrendously notorious Paris Hilton (If only I can put her name up in neon lights). Of course since her stupidity exceeds all else she is featured a great many times in here and this is only her first appearance. Oh, I'm watching the MV as I write this so that's why I know the order they come out in.
Anyway, in this scene, she is seen in an "itsie-bitsy tee" while choosing her "incy-wincy doggie". Of course the lyrics also say "they travel in packs of 2 or 3" which is probably referring to the superbly stupid duet of Paris & Nicol. The reason why I'm so sure it's Paris is because she is seen picking a dog cage with the words "Stays Younger Longer" written on it, which is probably referring to the fact that Paris traded in her Tinklebell for a new dog, Bambi, solely because Tinklebell was getting too old. Not only is she stupid, this is called animal abuse as well.
Then at the bowling alley comes Pamela Anderson. I can't really be sure if it's Pamela Anderson but the fact that the girl in the green tank top has unnaturally huge breasts MUST mean it's Pamela, who else can it be right? By the way, Mae, why don't you try the inflatable bras the Pink character there was wearing?
So the shot of Pink on the operating table waiting to do the full body make-over while wearing panties with the words "Reconstruct" must be something about Pam too. Right?
Then comes a star that I used to like but then she decided to go blonde and out the window she jumps. Ladies and gentlemen, it is none other than Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay who is well known for her ability to get involved in car crashes earned her way into the MV as the stupid red-head girl driving while on the phone and consequently crashing into things. I'm sorry Lindsay, I used to like you but then you just HAD to follow in Britney's footsteps.
Then my favourite star suffering from SGS of all time makes a reappearance with the scene of girls puking in the toilet while screaming "I will be skinny!". Bulimic, talks like an idiot and has blonde hair, who else could it be but Paris Hilton!!! She should get a Nobel Peace Prize for her stupidity and spearheading the SGS culture. Over here she makes a 2-in-a-row appearance, the next scene being her infamous sex tape! I don't know what all the hoo-haa is about this sex tape but apparently it's very famous and it's stupid. I know there are other celebs Pamela with a sex tape too but how do I know it's Paris? Because it's shot in the night-vision format. By the way, yes, I have watched this before.. Solely out of curiosity.
Ah~ then the car wash scene. How could there be a SGS that doesn't involve a car wash scene? This part I'm not so sure whether she meant Paris or Jessica Simpson but my bet it, it's both of them. Remember Paris in the Carl's Jr. TV commercial in the car wash scene? OK... to watch that I actually had to download it so maybe you guys might not know it. Erm, Jessica you definitely have to know because in the MV "These Boots Are Made For Walking", she was also seen in a car wash scene. Like I said, Paris is truly my idol because of her extremely inconceivable stupidity.
As for the final shot, the MV closes with an old blonde woman in pink standing outside a house that looks really like something that jumped out of Wisteria Lane. A speculation of how Eddie might turn out when she grows old?
Just for your info, all the above interpretations and analysis is based on my own knowledge and ideas only so I'm not sure whether they are right or wrong.
I'm sure a lot of you have lost sight of why I even wrote this post. It's to ask this question :
Won't Pink get sued for all these degratory remarks about the Hollywood "stupid girls"?

Let The Reigns Go Loose

This is something I've been dying to blog about lately yet haven't had the chance to : MShern and the day he tore it. What exactly did he tore? Read on to find out more about it. (Wah! Feeling like an advert leh?)
It was last Thrusday, hold on, let me check my calender so MShern won't be able to deny it. I have proof! It was the 27th of April, and the day was fine, the weather was great... Although both matters have nothing to do with his embarrassing moments lah~ Notice : It's "momentS", in plural form.
That day like any other Thursday, Slur and the rest came to look for me in the library after their Physics class and at about 5pm, we went downstairs. While on the way out of the library, MShern bumped into a girl (to make it interesting, let's say it's a cute girl) who he happened to know. Shy as he is, he must have fumbled on his wallet (he was holding it at that time) and *whoops-a-daisy*, he tore the coin compartment of the wallet and out comes all the coins, spilling out right from his hands and make *clings* and *clangs* everywhere. I say, that is total humiliation, to have to bend down in front of a cute girl to pick up coins. But, oh well, accident happen.
But it seems like it was destined that he will tear more things on that fateful day because afterwards during basketball practice, he (wait for it~ wait for it!) tore his pants! If this was MSN chat Farhan will be doing the emo with the "X" eye right now and Slur will just roll over from laughing. I'm not really clear about what happened but we were playing 3-3 and MShern tried a tackle, I think. He tripped and fell over with no injuries so I was about to start the game again but suddenly *jeng jeng jeng jeng*, the green shirt guy (no idea what his name is but he plays really rough) turned to MShern and said, "I heard a tore."
MShern replied, "Me too." and he looked down and said, "Yeap, there's a tear."
Of all the things that have happened on the basketball court for me, I've never once in my life tore my pants like that. Hahahaha. I hope MShern doesn't mind me using him as blog material.
Friday was the last day of the Humanities trials so as we agreed, we went for a movie. I was hoping to watch Fragile but somehow we ended up watching Failure To Launch. Coincidence that they both start with an "f"?
Anyway, Failure2Launch wasn't half-bad. It had some funny moments in it and I enjoyed it solely because they had a paintball scene in it but hopefully, Fragile will be much better than this.
Hei everybody~ Fragile on Wednesday, OK? I won't take "no" for an answer!