Solitude

I really don't know what I wanna be right now. And I'm not just referring to my choice of career in the future. I mean yes of course I'm extremely concerned bout what I'm gonna end up doing for the next 50 years of my life but I've kinda resigned to fate and just assumed that I have enough luck to be accepted into Monash Msia for the med course. Fingers crossed!
What I'm referring to currently is in personality and another kind of choice. This really sounds so totally fake as we're supposed to have our own personalities and not actually choose or shape it but I've always thought I might have multiple personality disorder of a mild kind and the modification that I'm aware when my personality switches from one to the other.
I think The Gigantic Hamster might also have witnessed it since on some days I really am in a not-so-socialable zone. OK, some times it's down right not-available-for-human-contact zone. And I do realize when I go into those zones and I am fully aware that people around me will mistake my coldness as a another matter (Eg: dislike) but it really isn't so. I just woke up and didn't feel like being happy. On other (and most) days though, I must admit *smirking* I'm pretty nice though. I mean I get like all happy and friendly and stuff but I don't know why, being in that mood annoys myself although it makes everybody have 1 less grumpy person on their hands.
I guess I was just affected by people around me to be happy and smiley all the time although I was probably born to be a moody, dark, gloomy, goth-loving and satan-worshipping psychopath.
Apart from that, I also seem to prefer some "things" more than the other on some days and I'll be thinking 'Didn't I just swear I liked the other one better yesterday?'
But that's more a case of fickle mindedness I guess. Or maybe that just happens cause I'm trying to fight what I really want. I dunno.
Another confused post.