Tuesday, April 11

The Tide That Left

....will it come back?

Now that everyone knows Mae is leaving, every time they talk about her departure around me, someone will somehow find some way to turn around to me and ask, "Are you sad?". Then someone will continue the conversation by saying, "It's alright." I don't get it, I've only known her for 3 months, why would everybody just assume that I would miss her or be devastated that she's leaving? Doesn't anyone realize Pumba knew Mae since like a million years ago and is extremely close to her?
Well, maybe it is true that I'll miss her a little bit, but I would rather classify that feeling as unfamiliarity. Unfamiliarity caused by an empty desk that should have been filled by a multi-coloured hair girl. Soon I'll get used to that empty desk, and this would all have been a dream. It is not sadness that I feel, because feelings of sadness have a way of creeping up on a person, and if that person admitted defeat, the feeling would spread to others. So it is not sadness I feel, the phantom of darkness shall never overcome me, and my heart will not be held captive by its chains of emotions.
In my other blog, I wrote an entry about how moments in life will pass us by like towns on a highway. I guess the same goes for people too. In this journey towards death, many towns have come and gone, the mega-cities lasted longer than others, the villages came and went in the blink of an eye. Others, like family members, are like cars traveling on the same highway alongside me. We never know where our destination is, or when we'll reach a crossroad and one of us would choose a different route. But right now, we're still traveling blindly into the night, with only our headlights to show us the way.
The town that was Mae lasted a total of 3months to pass. The highway took me to the outer-rim of her city, and left me hanging there, baiting me with the mysteries of her mind and willing me to know her better, yet bringing my journey away from her with the lapse of time. And the breadcrumbs that I dropped in hope that I will one day be able to trace my way back have all been devoured by the hands of time, and the pebbles I left behind have all been washed away by the waves beating upon the shores of our lives. Wind blows, and leaves turn to mark some kind of ending.
It is unfair and unjust that I only got to know her for 3months. I wanted to know her longer. Whatever will be will be, so I guess this is goodbye.
Don't expect me to stay away too long though, because I swear upon myself and you that one day this road will lead me back to your city, and that time, the journey will last longer than 3months
Kill Buddha as you see him;
Kill the father as you see him;
Never be attached to anyone,
Live life as you will.
*Currently singing to myself :
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong Move along, move along like I know you do And even when your hope is gone Move along, move along just to make it through

3 comments:

Pat Kesonsukhon said...

You wrote it out so beautifully...you are gifted with you way with words.

One thing I can say:
NiYi...exposed.

The shell you took cover in is pretty hard.
To me, it was obvious there was something there for her.

Well...there's nothing you could do now but find the time and enjoy what's left of it before locking it up in memory box and move on as you always do.

Niyi said...

ah... being exposed by my own writings, how pitiful.
wel, im strong, and i sure s hell wont miss any part of her.

Jess said...

OMG... im so in love with what u said.. NEVER EXPOSE URSELVES.. in the end u will only end up getting hurt.. *sobs*

LOVE THIS BLOG..