Did I really like HIM or was i just addicted to the pain?

The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable.

Quoted from one the episodes of Sex and the City Season 1

This particular statement hit me straight like a dart being thrown at the board and it hit bull's eye. So in case you people out there who know nuts or relatively know very little about Sex and the City, I'll give u a brief HEADS UP on what this series is all about. So i guess the title pretty much says it all, YOU KNOW, SEX AND THE CITY. 4 women getting laid and yada yada. The ONLY REASON why i started watching this series was because One Tree Hill's SEASON ended the same time THE O.C ended. So it pretty much leaves me with NOTHING to watch since Desperate HOUSEWIVES season ended too and Bedford Diaries isn't updating their episodes. So I decided on Sex and The City. Since people say its good and it's ALL group up PROPERLY in torrentspy like COMPLETE SEASON 1 of SEX AND THE CITY, COMPLETE SEASON 2 of SEX AND THE CITY, COMPLETE SEASON 3 of SEX AND THE CITY, COMPLETE SEASON 4 OF SEX AND THE CITY, COMPLETE SEASON 5 of SEX AND THE CITY and COMPLETE SEASON 6 of SEX AND THE CITY. Just ONE CLICK and TOMORROW we can feast on IT and not having to update ONE episode by one episode.SO,Yes! SO far I completed till SEASON 5 in just two weeks equals to A MOUNTAIN of emotional WRECKSHIP for me.

I know! I know! HOW can sex and city get someone so EMO right!? I was watching the series for the drama and not the SEX you see. Thats WHY-LAH.

You guys probably say it's just a stupid series, they make MILLIONs and BILLIONs AND ZILLIONs and GAZALLIONs of MONEY to make you feel all depressed right? IT'S all SUPERFICIAL. Mostly everything she said in there WERE truth and facts.That's IF you really hear what she says in every EPISODE. The way they potray her in that series was someward COOL. Like in every episode she has a conversation with herself, like talking to YOURSELF in the head. And I ACTUALLY RELATE to it. NOT in every way. Even if I didnt relate to some of the things she said in there, most of the SCENARIO in there happen to actual people in REAL LIFE.

Like she knew she was involve with someone who was GOING no where.He was just so emotionally unattainable and every other way. It was a PAINful relationship but she still stayed around that relationship.He was like a massacre but TRULY she was actually the true massacre. She was the one who tied herself to him and kept whipping herself.A whip called RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.He said "I love You" but then the GESTURE wasn't the SAME par a what he said.He did not factor her in his life in any other way.

This year started in a horrid way and I kept getting involve in WEIRD relationships with a few guys which made myself MORE confuse and i kept pondering why i keep getting punished for something i did NOT do?. Up until recently I was involved with this guy and I PROMISE myself that I'll RUN for my LIFE if there is any SIMILIARITY of my past relationships. IT wasn't similiar in any way but then i finally REALISED its the PAIN of the relationship that was EXACTLY the SAME. THE PAIN kept me wanting MORE from the relationship.I was addicted TO PAIN.Taadaa* You know the feeling of being in between a YES and a NO.Like BRINGING a 3 year old kid in a CANDY store and telling him you can't have any of them?. That kind of pain.

I just seem to get trap around ppl who are caught in a web of emotion MESS and I'm the victim for them to feed ON. They just have something GOING on up in their skull and I can see it.My instincts tells me RUN before they HUNT you down.It's LIKE you stupidly asking a canniball are you going to eat me or ARE you a carnivore? WHEN truly YOU know HE is GOING to feast on YOU if u dont RUN away soon. Instead I ask them if there is something WRONG when I can see that THERE IS SOMETHING going up there which I shouldn't be involve or be a part of.

So you may say,

You can just cut yourself loose.

I either can keep lingering around till i get the definate answer and actually get a chance of being HAPPY or being CRUSHED again.

but if I cut myself LOOSE from being held UP high up in mid-air feeling vulnerable and hopeful at the same time.The probability of being close to HAPPY is also close to NIL.

Either way I Lose

plus a risk and equals to HURT

Usually THE more You play a game the more EXPERT you get isnt it?

I played this game called LOVE or relationship or WHATEVER it is called

and still is playing.

This game had no rules or boundaries or fouls

Nobody is right nor wrong.

Then WHY do i feel LIKE I'm The one losing MORE than i should have?

How can a game so FUN and at the same time push you to the edge of sanity?

What is the right thing to do?

I hack her BLOG and write a post here and got YOU guys excited.